Looking Deeper, Looking Beyond the Natural
By: Susan Deborah Schiller Photo Source
Just because we don't understand doesn't mean that the explanation doesn't exist. — Madeleine L'Engle
There's a friendship with God that is so deep you can only get to it on the same path Christ Jesus took when He was betrayed, falsely accused, tortured, and killed. I'm not saying you can't know God on a very deep level of intimacy apart from suffering, but it's been my experience in sharing stories with survivors of sociopathic abuse that there is a justice scale that tips your way, balancing the pain with grace and favor with a compensation that makes it all worthwhile.
This path is paved with daily acts of trust. It's what Oswald Chambers and other great mentors of the Christian faith call "abandonment"… the kind of trust where you are willing to lose everything, including your reputation, your relationships, and every material good, to follow Christ. In the act of abandonment, the eyes of your heart are opened and you get to see the finish line of your journey of faith. This is how Jesus endured the cross.
"…fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." – Hebrews 12:2
What do you see with the eyes of your heart?
As for me, I see a world where "abused no more" is a reality and my grandchildren and their descendants are empowered to live in personal freedom. In that freedom they can make choices to use their gifts to contribute to a world with no limits. I see new inventions that make the world a safer, cleaner, more beautiful place. Some of those inventions are mine – I can see them so very clearly that it's time to get at least two patents.
The deepest, darkest evil can no longer find a place to hide in such a world. To me, this is not just "hope" – it's a reality that I see clearly.
In my 2003 journal I was going through hell and living each day one painful breath at a time. It's after you leave a sociopath that the real work of escaping to freedom begins, and it's the most dangerous time. More than likely you will have lost everything, and the blame is shifted onto you. But that's not what hurts the most – it's knowing how much your children are hurting and you're not able to shield them from the pain.
I wrote, on February 8: "The pain never leaves, but it crests like waves over my soul. I pray Psalm 109. I put all my hope in God. Everything. Lock, stock, and barrel. Abandonment. I've lost everything.
The pain is almost beyond endurance. My heart hurts so bad that I asked God where all the pain was going. At first He was silent, but then He spoke. He told me to touch my leg, and so I did. I nearly screamed for the tendons in my thigh were on fire! He showed me that it was a deep privilege to suffer in the way He suffered. To share His pain is to know His heart. And that has been my biggest desire and my constant prayer.
To be God's friend is to walk on the lonely path of insult and rejection, pain and abandonment. But that's not the end of the story! Papa God went on to say, "I'm coming with rewards to those who persevere. Keep marching on in faith, Little One. You have nothing to fear. You will be richly rewarded. You need to see Me as I am – totally sufficient. I know where I'm taking you. I've already pointed you in the right direction. Peace, I say. Don't hold onto the things of this world. Let go completely so I may take you higher. You are My friend. I can trust you. I believe in you. Hope, faith, and love overcome the world's system.
All you've ever hoped for and dreamed of is in the process of unfolding…. and much more.
What I'd like to bless you with today is "peace in the unknowing" … that even if everything is confusing and you can't imagine how God can turn your circumstances around, the eyes of your heart will open when you let go of the need to understand and to control your life.
I also believe God does not want us to be pain-sponges and that He wants to take all our pain. Today, once again, I choose LOVE!
With all my love,
Susan Schiller knows how it feels to lose everything: marriage and family, church and reputation, finances and businesses, and more. Susan's upcoming, interactive memoir, "On the Way Home," tells the story of how she came to be known as "the most abused woman" her counselors had yet met and how she is learning to navigate to freedom and fullness.
Today Susan helps people write their life stories, unearthing the treasures of their past and sowing them into their future, creating new family legacies.
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