Authentic Relationships – the Cure for Narcissistic Love

Children as Elders

By: Susan Deborah Schiller

The healing began with cutting sage along the Big Horn River, which we used to make Sundance crowns. My granddaughter told me she was nearly crying – crying for the joy of being back in Wyoming. She danced everywhere we went.
Dani won the hearts of about a dozen people, as we attended the ceremonies for the passing of Jacob, our friend who was killed in the canyon in a motorcycle wreck. Jacob was one of the secret heroes who helped rescue me when I was abandoned on a desert road. And this "sage crown" … you can see it in the picture below!

For Danielle's sake I had to change my story. I don't mean changing the facts, but changing my perception of what happened and writing a new story – a story of hope, faith, and love that ceates a better future for my family.
No matter what you've been through, every story has a thread of Redemption in it, because you are one of God's kids. God delights in turning messes into messages, using the foolish to confound the wise.
Meanwhile, back to the lodge ceremonies… The adults were all very tender and good to Danielle. Holy Spirit told them she was a wounded warrior. No words were needed to tell her s tory – they saw her wounds and they tenderly nursed her with laughter and hugs.
She was transported via ATV up and down the hills, like a roller coaster ride from Heaven. And after midnight she was still dancing – a sundance, in fact, which is all about the celebration of life. We danced on top of a hill, way out of sight or sound of "civilization" – under the stars. We took turns praying, even as we danced, each in our part of the hill.
There was so much love, respect, and honor and Danielle said to me, "Gramma, I want to sleep in this place all night because I'm surrounded by so many good people." And so we did… inside a school bus under a sky full of diamonds. And the silence…. wow! It felt so good to hear only the breeze. And sometimes drums… and so much peace, deep, deep, deep peace.
The leader of the ceremonies nodded to Danielle and said to everyone present, "This is the one you need to watch – she is special." He promised to protect Danielle and hugged her until the pain went away. He is the same one, who four years ago, stitched my broken heart together simply by seeing beyond my protective walls and helping me to become real, whole, and myself again. I share a little of that story in this video:

Many people feel sorry for me when they hear of the great trials I've endured, but I only feel blessed. Blessed are those who mourn, blessed are those who are persecuted… says Jesus, in Matthew 5. Our trials are turned to gold – and I feel very rich, especially when the prayer leader said to Danielle, "You are a warrior princess."

Children are meant to be today's elders, in the Kingdom of God, as well as tomorrow's leaders. But not the breed of children we are typically seeing in today's schools, neighborhoods and homes. What is really happening?

Socrates nailed it, back in the 4th century:

The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize their teachers.

Our narcissistic society has bred a selfish and spoiled generation who have forgotten the ancient ways of respect, honor, and self-discipline.

Will it be church, government policies, social programs, or school that changes the current narcissistic trend? No! Not, in a world where love is waning lukewarm and headed to cold, hard, and dead. Only love overcomes all evil.

I believe it's the ordinary, loving people who will rise up in childlike faith and boldness, for that is the key to entering the Kingdom of Heaven.

We each take turns being saints and villains in our life stories. It's not the perfect people who will change the world

My granddaughter, at age 5, had such a vision, which I published in "No Fear: Live the 13th". An excerpt:

My granddaughter came to me and said, "Gramma, lay down. I want to sing a song to you." Giving me a pillow and covering me with a blanket, she began to sing:

"I wake up in the morning,

I see the trees and sky.

I go outside.

I see the birds and the butterflies,

I say a little prayer for someone.

Then I do something for someone.

Our brains are for thinking about God.

Then we say a little prayer for someone.

We do something for someone."

Danielle explained to me, "Gramma, you don't hear God with your ears. You listen with your heart. And then you sing what you hear in your heart."

… Okay, now imagine a whole neighborhood doing the same… a whole city…

We don't have to engage in grand, heroic actions to participate in the process of change. Small acts, when multiplied by millions of people, can transform the world. ~ Howard Zinn

This morning, I meditate on this picture once again. For me, pictures are like prayers, worth more than a thousand words. And I pray, "Let the change begin in me and in my own house."

Narcissist love and pathological abuse are rampant in our world, especially inside our churches. The best cure is moving in the opposite direction, and that is EXPOSING the evil and PROTECTING the victims! 

 Creative imagination is what children employ every day when they are allowed to play, to make up stories, and to use their talents and explore their gifts. It's for the next generation that I keep writing, and continue sharing my story… because it's how we tell our stories that creates our world.

My Full Story     What I Believe    Contact Me

With all my love,


Susan Schiller knows how it feels to lose everything: marriage and family, church and reputation, finances and businesses, and more. Susan's upcoming, interactive memoir, "On the Way Home," tells the story of how she came to be known as "the most abused woman" her counselors had yet met and how she learned to navigate to freedom and fullness.  
Today Susan helps people write their life stories, unearthing the treasures of their past and sowing them into their future, creating new family legacies.

Copyright © 2010 to 2015 Team Family Online, All rights reserved.   For reprint permission or for any private or commercial use, in any form of media, please contact Susan Schiller

{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

Susan Schiller July 14, 2015 at 2:33 pm

To learn more about the Sundance, sweat lodges, and the ceremonies we participated in this past weekend:



Amy Bovaird October 2, 2014 at 11:48 am


Your post was so interesting! I loved the part about how your granddaughter sang to you. I also loved the prayers in pictures. It's a little bit strange that you wrote about a catalyst for good with your Mr.Goofy, et al, piece. Just this morning, I read that people are "streaming to the Middle East for lack of a catalyist to follow," so they just want change. Period. Because people are disappointed and trying not to feel like failuures. I like your perspective and kind of catalyist much better than people being drawn to ISIS only for a chance at change.



Susan Schiller October 2, 2014 at 12:37 pm

Change for the sake of change, having no foundation – you’re right, Amy – it’s very scary. We all need something bigger than to belong to – our people. I see bullies in school using this very need to control their peers, not much different than what adults do. It’s really time for change – a real change.

Thanks for sharing!


Melissa Vera October 2, 2014 at 11:29 am

I am a teacher and I so see this in children today. The level of disrespect is unbelievable.


Susan Schiller October 2, 2014 at 12:48 pm

It seems to be nationwide, isn’t it, Melissa…  I am concerned what this level of disrespect will look like when these children have children of their own!


Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post:

2010-2018 All Rights Reserved. No information on this website has been evaluated by the FDA. The information presented is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. Consult your physician before undertaking the suggestions on this site. Actual results will vary depending upon the individual and their commitment to the steps set out here. Testimonials are from real persons who are readers of this blog. Before using this site, please read our Website Agreement, which contains terms and conditions, plus our privacy notice. Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links on this site are “affiliate links." This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.” Facebook Disclaimer: