You Are Never Alone

Never Alone

By: Susan Deborah Schiller

A little chapter in my mini-memoir, where I learned that God is in the daily details of our lives.

Jumping into my boots I launch myself into the icy Wyoming wind to break ice on the troughs. It's one of those times when I nearly persuade myself that I am alone. I call myself, "The Lone Rancher" because my husband has left me for three weeks to manage this ranch by myself. Later, I will learn that he went away to be with his lover, but now, I only know I feel so alone.

We live in a tiny rural town on the edge of the Wind River Reservation. Hundreds of miles of empty desert edge this property and I have no transportation. With almost no trees, the wind howls across the sandy dirt hurling dust into my eyes. At least there is no snow. 

It's time to cowgirl up, but I don't feel much like one.

Does anyone see me in this desolate place? I look into the horses' eyes. They see me. I am known here. My dog, Mattie, is teaching me lessons. One foot forward, and then the other. I keep pace with the rhythm of life.

Pitch the hay. Break the ice. Feed the goats. Check the bulls. Make sure all the gates are closed tight.

I need the fierce wind, the prickly sand, and the icy water. It wakes me up, or otherwise, I might withdraw and crawl into bed and weep. As my body fights the elements, my spirit is strengthed to endure the icy blast of sociopathic abuse. It will be years before I fully understand what that term means, but for now, I only know that people are turning their backs on me, without a word, at a point when I need them most.

There's a Rancher here who knows far more than I. He gives me strength to finish the chores and He points to the great open sky. I'm not alone, He reminds me. He teaches me how to handle the horses, how to be brave. He shows me when one has colic and I discover I know just what to do to help the fellow. I've only been on a ranch for half a year. I've never been around farms till now. It's truly a miracle all this is working. 

I know I was set up for failure, but instead the ranch is  thriving.

Each day is an adventure in learning to trust. The animals depend on me to keep going. One step forward, and then another. 

Today my problem is that I am alone with such a great responsibility, but I discover that I'm never alone. There is provision in every problem. I learn that I can do anything, even manage a ranch. With God all things are possible, and somehow the fear of being alone has been beat. The truth is, I am never alone.

This video says it all…

It's a return to a Garden of Eden lifestyle, but better. I'm learning to walk and talk with God, even in the Valley of the Shadow of Death. Truly, the hardship has been good. How can you know you are never alone, unless you find yourself in a situation that has ever appearance of being truly alone, helpless, and vulnerable?

Being alone, even in a vast wildnerness like the Wind River Reservation, is a great gift. And this is one reason I write.

With all my love,

Sue

PS  Have you felt alone, like no one sees you – really sees you? What did you do? How did you feel? What did you learn? Writing your mini-memoir can be as simple as a few paragraphs and a photo. Don't worry about perfection or your memoir will never come to pass! Just be you!

 

My Full Story     What I Believe    Contact Me

With all my love,

Sue

Susan Schiller knows how it feels to lose everything: marriage and family, church and reputation, finances and businesses, and more. Susan's upcoming, interactive memoir, "On the Way Home," tells the story of how she came to be known as "the most abused woman" her counselors had yet met and how she learned to navigate to freedom and fullness.  
 
Today Susan helps people write their life stories, unearthing the treasures of their past and sowing them into their future, creating new family legacies.
 

Copyright © 2010 to 2015 Team Family Online, All rights reserved.   For reprint permission or for any private or commercial use, in any form of media, please contact Susan Schiller

{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Joyce October 7, 2014 at 1:42 pm

You learned how to 'cowgirl up' in the wilderness and now He is teaching you to 'cowgirl up' in the middle of the oasis.  

The most alone I have ever felt is among other people who are not being real.  I could sense that they were playing a part and so our relationship was shallow and false.  That aloneness creeps back now and again when I am at events surrounded by people putting on their best show.  It is so very lonely when the people I am with don't even want an honest relationship with me.  That's when I feel like I could drop through the floor and no one would notice or care.

Thanks for sharing this picture of your life, Susan.  

Reply

Susan Schiller October 7, 2014 at 2:54 pm

Yes, Joyce, it's time to cowgirl up in a whole new set of circumstances… to arise, spiritually… to be a threat to the advancing army of predators. 

None of us can do this alone. There is no "Lone Rancher" in God's vast ranch. He has His hands everywhere. We rare never alone!

I know you understand – your unfolding story is so precious!

Reply

Kate Loving Shenk October 6, 2014 at 5:02 am

There is provision in every problem.

This gives a vision of down-to-earth efficiency! Thanks for a glimpse into your memoir!

Reply

Susan Schiller October 6, 2014 at 6:58 am

Thanks, Kate – I hope you have a chance to write your own memoir soon!

Reply

Francene Stanley October 6, 2014 at 2:43 am

The little scene grabbed me right away and took me with you one step at a time. You write beautifully, allowing the reader to travel with you as you cope. How right you are about ranch animals depending on you. They'd find it hard to survive if you left the gates open. We are in the exact place at the time we can learn the most. I think you learned endurance.

Reply

Susan Schiller October 6, 2014 at 7:03 am

Enurance – yes, for sure!

Thanks for coming by, Francene 🙂

Reply

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