Opening the Eyes of My Heart
By: Susan Deborah Schiller in the series, "Conversations with Daddy"
I wanted to change the world. Ever since I was a little child I dreamed of going to foreign lands, solving the problems of world hunger and clean water for at least one community. It didn't seem fair that so many people had to suffer while I lived in a cozy home and enjoyed a first class life.
In my child's mind I envisioned becoming a nun and caring for the unloved. I'd become the next Mother Theresa.
I gave five decades of my life to midwifing the dreams of other people, even in the churches I served and the staff jobs I filled. In the course of service, I lost my authentic voice and became an echo. My true self was buried beneath lists of do's and don'ts. I surrendered my soul.
All those "wasted" years were in the prime of my life. Or, were they really "wasted" after all?
What do you, Abba, have to say to those of us who have survived living with a sociopath? We so often put others first and let our own dreams die. Now that we are older, have we lost our chance to fly?
I will look beyond the shadows. I have nearly always said yes to helping others while saying no to my own dreams. They have been made rich while I remain poor. They have been made well, while I've become unwell. They are popular; I am rejected and despised.
Oh Little One, don't you see how happy you've made me? All these things you have done for me! My son left his heavenly home because of you. He became poor. He had few friends. He appeared to have accomplished only a few healings when his life came to an abrurpt end.
But he pleased me. He didn't seek men's praise. He endured suffering and learned from it. He despised the rejection, yet forgave the betrayals.
My friend, you have pleased me. You don't seek men's praise. You endured suffering and have gleaned the most precious life lessons through the pain. You despised the rejection and have forgiven your betrayers. You confront your enemies to their faces; yet you don't stab them in the back with viscious gossip and blame.
In the stillness, in the silence and the solitude we will walk and talk together, right through the muck and mire of this wickedness. You are beginning to remember who you are. You are coming out into the Light, leaving the Shadowlands behind. You are forging a pathway through the mountains, not because you failed in moving the mountain, but because there are golden treasures in the bowels of the mountain to be discovered.
If only you could see you as I see you… your wreckless faith, even though it seems like you're hanging on by a ragged thread, makes you STUNNING in My eyes! If you only knew the hidden value of suffering and the incredible blessings that are yours. Justice is coming, my dear one. Leap into the abyss of despair. You will find Me there.
I see you. I hear you crying out for justice and being thrown to the wolves. Tell your story, sweet one. Start a chain reaction of spontaneous prayer and amplify your voice as this cry rings through the heavens and reaches even down into the bowels of the earth.
Tell your story, naked and unashamed – that's how you walk out into the Light. Tell it like it is.
Writing Prompt: Write about a time in your life where all seemed lost, hopeless, empty, wasted… and allow God to show you the treasures – the light within.
"Watch as what once lay in ruins be rebuilt into a dwelling place for the Holy Spirit filled with My light and glory.
You may think all around you is dead…but that is just what you can see with your human eyes. Some things must die so I can bring new life, a new strength, a new wineskin to pour into.
I will give you new eyesight and you will experience seeing past what is in front of you and instead see and know I am in the midst of you. Fear not little ones for the Father loves you. Fear not and look to Me in your trial as a handmaiden looks to her God." – Kimberly Dimick, in The Princess Warrior's Prayer.
When you look at the ruins, the desolation of life after a pathological person has invaded your life, what do you see? What you see is what you will get more of. Choose to see through eyes of Love. Love overcomes all evil.
A "wasted" life can be the very best life, when you see through the eyes of Love.
With all my love,
Susan Schiller knows how it feels to lose everything: marriage and family, church and reputation, finances and businesses, and more. Susan's upcoming, interactive memoir, "On the Way Home," tells the story of how she came to be known as "the most abused woman" her counselors had yet met and how she learned to navigate to freedom and fullness.
Today Susan helps people write their life stories, unearthing the treasures of their past and sowing them into their future, creating new family legacies.
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