Josh’s Love Story

From Ruin to Restoration, Part Two

By: Joshua Dimick

Part One, By Kimberly Dimick

For twenty years I kept my wife and two sons prisoners to my tyranny. I exacted control by using rage and manipulated them by means of my blistering anger. Nothing was about love; everything was about following my rules. I expected my wife to keep an impeccably neat house at all times and always be willing to have sexual relations whenever I asked. The children were expected to always obey an endless set of rules, never have a voice except to say, “Yes, Sir.” I kept them all in fear of me. I silenced them. I broke their hearts and spirits. If they did not give me full submission, they would pay. I actually thought this is what the Bible taught concerning the husband/father role. My ego was so bloated and my heart so insecure, that I left them no choice. I was an abusive control freak.

After 15 years of marriage, I had beaten down their spirits. They collapsed under the weight of my disapproval and rejection. I could extract nothing more from them, so I abandoned them. My parting words to my wife were as follows, “If you will not meet all my demands and stipulations, then you leave me no choice but to leave.” I abandoned my family.

After 5½ years of separation, Kimberly sent me a book on biblical marriage. It was promptly thrown into the trash. Then I got a personal phone call from the marriage counselor. What an idiot, I thought as I hung up on him.

Nothing touched me until my wife changed.

First, her crying and pleading with me stopped. As a matter of fact, she went “dark” and ALL of her phone calls stopped. I thought to myself, This is unusual. She is not an obsequious, blubbering mess. She is not even acting like I exist! This got my undivided attention. I have never seen her act this way before.

Then a couple of months later, a courier came to my door with divorce papers to be signed. This rocked my world. She had grown a backbone, she had found her voice, she was protecting her life and our children’s lives. I thought I was the center of the universe, and now I found myself feeling like an outsider. I was so confused at that point. What was happening?

I remembered God saying something about marriage in Ephesians Chapter 5. I wanted to make sure I was correct about the part where the Lord commands the wife to bow in submission to the man of the house. So I quickly opened up the Word of God, and my eyes fell onto Ephesians 5:25. I was in shock. I was reading as if for the first time. It felt like a rapier was thrust into my heart.

I received a revelation from the Holy Spirit at that very moment of what God’s command to the husband was. God revealed to me that I had utterly and completely failed to love my wife in the same manner as Christ loves the Church. The scales fell off of my eyes. My blindness was removed. I had an epiphany.

For five minutes I sat in stunned disbelief. My heart was broken and contrite over the twenty years of scathing and onerous abuse. Pride and self-importance fled me. I picked up the phone and called my wife, even though a divorce court meeting was only two days later. A sweet, merciful, forgiving and incredible woman answered. My first words to her were, “I am asking you for another chance, I have absolutely no stipulations or demands. All I want is an opportunity to love you and serve you. I dedicate every breath I have the rest of my life to bring healing to the many wounds I inflicted and joy to the sorrow I caused.”  With a tentative tone she said, “Yes.”

My decision was absolute, my resolve was firm, the truth took hold of me. I hit the ground running and never, ever looked back. It has been 20 months now and I cannot remember the last time we have argued or had cross words. Our marriage is blissful; at times, I would venture to say, pure joy. It is blessed by God because it is being lived out according to His true design.

Thank you, oh, thank you, Lord. And thank you, Kimberly for standing up to me when I was blind and ignorant. If you had not held my feet to the fire, I would have perished.

Looking back over the first few months of our new start, I can recall three lessons of paramount importance.

1. First was the understanding that my wife was not the enemy. My own personal demons were. She is an incredible, God-given gift to me. A helper perfectly suited to help me become a Christ-like husband.
2. Secondly, I realized that it is pure agony to resist God’s hand and the process of dying to self. It is far easier to face the truth of an abusive core, and fully embrace the death to a selfish life and to walk this out without compromise.
3. Thirdly, thanks to Kimberly, I began to have a panoramic view of God’s blueprint for the marriage relationship. As found in 1 Corinthians 11:3; I am to be the source of life and strength to my wife, and Christ is to be my source of life and strength. As I pour into my wife, Christ pours into me. My wife draws on me, and I draw on the Lord.

What a stunningly beautiful picture. Make this the picture of your marriage. If I did it, so can you. – Joshua

To read Kimberly's story, click here!

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This story is reprinted with permission from Josh and Kimberly Dimick

 

Tagged as: Deborah White Dove, New Family Legacy, Rewriting the Future, Writing a Life Story