Walking Through the Dark Night of the Soul

dark night of the soul

 Walking Through the Dark Night of the Soul

By: Kimberly Dimick

It is okay NOT to know. None of us "knows" everything. We all go through seasons of doubt, despair and what some call the "dark night of the soul". You are not alone nor are you the first child of God to question what you believe and perhaps more importantly WHY you believe.

Questioning can be a good sign-it means your heart still seeks for truth. It is OKAY, my dear, to not take what others have told you is truth at face value. This is honestly how Christians can get into trouble and get shipwrecked–""My people PERISH for a lack of knowledge". For lack of understanding we are more apt to make choices that harm us in the long run.

I should have perished because I was taught false doctrine about marriage and abuse in marriage. I just believed it without questioning because I thought I was demonstrating good faith in people and what they said. Even those people were deceived but they did not know it either.

It was because of God's grace and mercy toward me that He showed me His heart on the matter. Why? I think the Lord knew I WANTED the truth. I was the perfect candidate to receive!! It wasn't because I was more worthy or holy or smarter but because I admitted I needed Jesus desperately.

Ask Jesus to hold onto YOU–that He wouldn't let you go while you sort through your thoughts and feelings–no matter how long that takes. I ask Jesus right NOW to reveal His heart to you, His love. I pray Jesus would show you the plans He has for you and breathes new hope in you and that it IS Jesus and NOBODY else who could have come and rescued you from all of your fears and uncertainty.

I know you will know beyond any doubt that He loves you– right where you are. I have found, sweetheart, that it isn't so much about believing in God than it is about wondering about His people and the way they act! Do not base your belief in people because they will always on some level disappoint at times.

Yes, we need people, don't get me wrong. we have to learn who to trust and feel safe with and that is most often trial and error. Many people who "name" the name of Jesus are frauds and lost, themselves.

The safest place is to learn all you can about WHO Jesus said He is and what was verified by what He did.

The greatest truth is that He died for you but that He rose again. No other god, no other religious system has or can lay claim to this fact. And, it is historical fact.

Remember that religious systems aren't relationship. Systems put people into a box where there is no freedom of movement or choice. It is no wonder why people suffocate and their faith is choked out by rules. None of us can keep the rules. It is not going to happen.

Oh yes, we can "look" like we are keeping them and even fool some people but we don't fool God. Yes, we even get to make wrong choices, mistakes and miss it. That is OKAY too.

Your heavenly Father is after your heart–WHO He created you to be that is unlike anyone else. No one on this planet can do what God created you to do!!

Imagine that! God wants you to discover what makes you unique, what your dreams are, how you can walk in the plans He designed for you. That takes time. That process takes falling down and getting back up.

Discovering WHO you are often means God removes obstacles and roadblocks internally and outwardly. God will even remove people and relationships that hinder His child from receiving all God has for you–you learn which bridges to burn and which ones to cross. We learn to trust Jesus because part of deepening love and trust is what you go through together and what you learn in that process. You were never built to go it alone.I don't have to be like anyone else or have their gifts or smarts or beauty.

I think most people go through trying to please God and please people before one realizes it doesn't work. I have been there more times than I like to admit.

My own life has gone through phases of feeling more robotic than robust or full of life and love.

These times of feeling uncertain, alone, confused and wanting to give up are NOT uncommon. This life has tribulation for sure. Denying that never helped anyone. I have had to "LEARN"- this. Oh, but once you learn that God is true nothing else can replace that deep down certainty.

Keep asking questions even if they aren't answered right away. God is not insulted by your doubts and questions. He already knew you would plenty of them. It is not putting Him off. You nor I would be the first ones to take the long way around. There was a time I could not even read parts of the Bible because it confused me. Somehow I knew to stay in the Psalms and read and re-read them. It actually helped me.

I had to learn comparing my journey to others was not a good idea either. It can bring a lot of confusion and frustration. While I was looking at others I could have missed what God had for ME.

Jesus helped me be okay with who I am– "Jesus loves me this I know for the Bible tells me so!!"

One of the most wonderful truths God has taught me is that God never meant knowing Him should be mind bending and hard– but simple. Paul prayed, "I pray you know Christ in His simplicity". I think I complicate things more than God does!!

When I got lost along the way I would always, always go back to the Cross. You can't go wrong going back to the beginning! Honey, go to the Cross just as you are. Fall down in a heap. Jesus doesn't care if you have it all together. He knows we tend to hold onto our pain because it is all we have ever known. Handing it over is frightening! How do we let go of the only thing that in many ways has made us who we are? How do we know if what God will really give us in exchange is something we will find real joy in? Tell Jesus…like I did many, many, many times–"Nothing in my hands I bring, simply to the Cross I cling."

When I was a young girl, I went through a season of confusion and mental torment. The condemnation was to the level of constant demonic attack. i was so oppressed I wanted to give up and die.

I know it was Jesus, my Shepherd, who led me back to the ONLY safe place there will ever, ever be. I remember the thoughts in my mind telling me…go back to the Cross. Somehow God got through to me–"

Forget everything else but Jesus on that Cross for you." I let everything else go. I let go what I learned, what I thought, what was right or wrong, I left wanting to be something and do something and asked Jesus to show His love to me once again. I thought to myself…what a waste of precious time to get this far and now here I am starting over!

But, now I know He saved my life by learning how to trust Him like a little child. Yup, no great voice from heaven, no supernatural happening, no flash of blazing light….just telling Jesus I was utterly undone and scared and that I needed Him. I needed everything that beautiful Cross promised me was mine.

Sometimes, WE NEED to know that we really do love Jesus, come what may. God doesn't need to know, He wants us to KNOW that nothing can separate us from each other–even the darkest of times when we would rather hate Him than surrender to Him.

We all go through those times over and over again. God is not put off by your struggle. He gets it. He isn't mad or disappointed in you.

He rather loves the challenge of pursuing you until you know He loves you!!

There have been innumerable times I didn't know anything. What I thought was sure and true felt like sand going through my fingers. I didn't know what I believed anymore.

The fear was oppressive. So, I know, sweetheart, we will all go through those times when nothing makes sense and nothing seems to fit together. I get it is easy to talk about how faithful Jesus is after the fact but the breathtaking truth is that God wants you to know that same faithfulness.

Yes, when life gets really, really hard and it is dark out and no one anywhere understands, I PROMISE you–not because of myself, but because I learned WHO God is that He will come into the darkness, the confusion, the anger at Him, the questions without answers and push through all that to GET TO YOU.

One day you will tell me, Oh my God, "He IS faithful and true". One day you will tell me, "How could I have ever doubted?" One day you will realize how much Jesus is IN LOVE with you and then the dark times won't matter anymore, the struggles, the trials won't matter anymore. All that will matter is that you know that you know you cannot live and life does not matter unless Jesus Christ is in it. God will so convince you that You are His and Jesus is the ONLY sure thing you will ever find. You will KNOW it and even be willing to give your very life for it.

You are not alone. We will wait with you darling girl until the light breaks through again. We will wait until your heart is reassured. we will wait and remind you again and again God is not afraid of going there with you– even sitting in the darkness.

After all, "Where can you go to hide from his presence?…even if you made your bed in the depths of hell, even there He is with you!" (Psalm 139).

Jesus WILL go there and STAY with you until your heart is revived again–no matter how long it takes. And if you want to give up on Jesus, then we will still wait with you and pray and pray you will not be able to outrun Jesus ever, ever, ever. We will pray that Jesus comes after you with such an unrelenting, ardent love you won't be able to withstand it!!

With love,

Kimberly

Kimberly Dimick and her husband, Joshua Dimick, know how it feels to lose everything: marriage and family, church and reputation, finances and careers, and so much more. Together and separately they have walked the path of Love, a narrow path, a path that is lonely and not well-used.

They intimately understand the soul-shattering pain of separation and divorce and they also know "The Way Home" to a life of choosing unconditional love. The surprising answers to a happy marriage are shared in their posts, articles, and a book-in-progress.

As you venture on this journey with Kimberly and Josh you will experience how God shines His most brilliant light in their darkest hours. Today their mission is to provide a voice to women suffering in silence, shining the Light of Truth into the dark places of marital and spiritual abuse.

Read More of Kimberly and Joshua's Stories Here

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Tanya December 19, 2014 at 2:57 pm

Im in tears. Thank you…thats all i can say

Reply

Susan Schiller December 19, 2014 at 3:05 pm

May Papa God hold you tight, dear daughter of the Most High. I ask for Peace to come and breathe new life into you!

Reply

Janet August 27, 2017 at 12:52 pm

Hi Susan, what a God send your work and heart are. I have done much research, training and healing myself through the years in the field of pathological abuse recovery, particularly spiritual abuse. I only just stumbled across your pages this very week. Oh how timely God always is. Today as a Pastoral Counselor and trauma-healing minister I have a small private practice for healing people and families from pathological abuse. Naturally, I was forced to leave my position 15 years ago as a chruch leader to walk out my Father's calling as I railed against the lie that 'image is more important than truth' inside the church walls. I could go on, but I found myself wondering as I read your threads if you had ever trained with Elijah House Int. in Spokane? That is one of the places I first began healing almost 20 years ago. Though they knew nothing about pathological abuse at the time, it was an amazing start to feeling heard, seen and understood by my Heavenly Father regarding familial abuse, authority and the then present spiritual abuse I was trying to come out from under. Thanks for all you do, God is a faithful restorer of all that was lost or stolen. I too eventually learned that nothing is really lost with Christ. It was so empowering to learn that nothing can ever really be taken from me. Amen.

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White Dove August 28, 2017 at 1:43 pm

Dear Janet,

I’m glad to know you are about our Father’s business in healing families from traumatic pathological abuse systems, including the church. We need counselors and pastors who know and understand abusive systems. For so long victims have been re-traumatized!

Yes, I have had experience with Elijah House and other ministries of inner healing and deliverance. It was a good starting place, for me, in that it opened up the dark places and let some Light shine in. I agree with you, God is a faithful retorer of all that was lost or stolen!

Thank you for sharing today – much love to you!

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