The Suicide Notice

The Suicide Notice

By:  Susan Schiller  Photo Source  Click Here for An Audio Recording if You Prefer to Listen!

From the series, "Escape to Freedom: Diary of a Battered Preacher's Wife"

"So I'm sitting here with a broken heart wondering what on earth could bring a sister in Christ to a point that she would take her own life??? I don't understand??? It troubles me that she was driven to such a place of hopelessness that she could see no other way out. My heart is broken... She was gentle and sweet and loved the Lord. She had a heart for people and animals. She will be dearly missed." — Facebook status update recently from someone in my newsfeed.

Why would a happy, healthy middle-aged lady take her own life? I'd like to take you inside, behind the closed doors of a reality most people have never experienced. And frankly, most people don't want to know exists. I know this reality well and have lived it most of my life.

Having listened to the stories of nearly a hundred survivors of narcissistic and sociopathic abuse, I know from my own experience and theirs, that long-term psychological abuse, even to the level of torture tactics, can kill a normal person long before their body is dead. In many cases, illness follows, and sometimes physical death. Sometimes "suicide".  I, myself, have been severely ill, even to the point of death, at least once per decade.

Another survivor, yesterday, said this to me: "My spath (shortcut for sociopath) kept yelling at me, 'When are you going to just die!'" Many of these women fit the character profile described of the dead woman at the beginning of this post: gentle, quiet, loves the Lord, would never do anything to hurt anyone… Yet, behind closed doors they face an abuser whose clear motive is their death.

Reading through the comments under the suicide notice, of the dozens of people offering sympathy and prayers, not a single person had a clue that their friend or associate could be near the brink of death. She was attending a small Bible study group as well as an active member of her church. No one even suspected she was suffering.

Here's what I do know, for a fact. There are more women in our churches who are suffering behind closed doors than you may realize. Their deep mental and emotional bruises and scars are invisible to the naked eye. They smile, laugh, and are some of the most active volunteers. They have amazing empathy and compassion for those who are suffering.

Why doesn't she tell someone? Why doesn't she get help? Leave?

What happened in my own experience, as well as many of the survivors I have listened to, is that the longer the abuse goes on and the more the victim tries to do something about it, the greater the abuse escalates behind closed doors. In most cases, her abuser is a well-loved, very charismatic, and a charming "believer in the Lord". He may be a pastor, an elder or a deacon, a doctor, or in other ways a well-respected and admired member of her society. Once she confronts him and seeks to get help, the abuse escalates and the effects are devastating. In many cases, she becomes an accomplice to the evil, complicit with her silence.

In many cases, these victims are left with no resources. The abuser often takes full control of the finances, their identity, and in the cruelest twist of all, turns the victim's family and friends against her. The abuser's clever lies are meant to make him appear the victim. She is trapped in a web of deceit so clever even her pastor may turn against her, which is the most common scenario.

When her family and friends side with the abuser, she begins to think she's the problem. She feels devasted, ruined.

Often, this process spans many years, even decades. The venom works slowly, insidiously, and is fatal unless she escapes. Most victims never escape to freedom. Without help, the victim may choose drugs and alcohol. She may also choose suicide. She may choose to put on a happy face mask while going numb inside.

Or, she can choose Gethsemane. Death is the only way out. She is in need of resurrection and nothing else will help. Our justice system is not equipped to deal with sociopaths and neither are our churches… not yet.

"When tragedy makes its unwelcome appearance and we are deaf to everything but the shriek of our own agony, when courage flies out the window and the world seems to be a hostile, menacing place, it is the hour of our own Gethsemane. No word, however sincere, offers any comfort or consolation. The night is bad. Our minds are numb, our hearts vacant, our nerves shattered. How will we make it through the night? The God of our lonely journey is silent." — Brennan Manning

My heart goes out to the victims who remain in a cycle of deep hurt and pain. They are being dragged through hell backwards.

As a child in sixth grade, I used to daydream a lot, because our grade school lessons were rather repetitive, I thought… and I used to vividly imagine myself being let down into the pit of hell, pulling up anyone who wanted a lift out. Today, I would call it meditation. I was talking to God in the quiet of my mind, my outward body sitting at a school desk, but my inner mind exploring the vast regions of religion and philosophy. Silently, I formed the prayer, even back then as a 12-year old, that if God would use me, I'd enter hell to see if there was anyone I could help escape from the torment.

As an adult, 40-years later in my 52-year old body, I can say with authority that I have been to hell and back. I escaped to freedom. Not just once, but twice.

In my next post, I'm going to continue this thread, with an article titled "Reinvention through Resurrection". I hope you will join me on the journey, even if you've never been abused. Hopefully, it will provide you with a "vaccination" against abuse that you can share with others!

I'd love to share the whole story with you in my upcoming book, "On the Way Home," which I am publishing in the next few months. Register here to reserve your FREE copy! You will never be the same again… you will know your enemy. You will become as wise as a serpent, even while remaining innocent as a dove.

With all my love,

Sue

PS  The photo above was selected because the suicide victim loved animals, so this article is written to honor her life, her passion to extend mercy, and her love.

I would love to hear what you're thinking and feeling – please scroll down a little below to the comment box! It would be an honor to hear your heart!

Susan Deborah Schiller knows how it feels to lose everything: marriage and family, church and reputation, finances and businesses, and more. Susan's upcoming, interactive memoir, "On the Way Home," tells the story of how she came to be known as "the most abused woman" her counselors had yet met and how she learned to navigate her way out of hell to a rich and satisfying life. In her lifetime, Susan has served in duties ranging from home school mom – to pastor –  to full-time deliverance minister – and to Midwest regional prayer coordinator for a large international ministry. These days you can usually find Susan soaking in her favorite hot springs pool, reading a book (or several), blogging, baking bread, or hanging out with her family and friends. You can get a free copy of Susan's upcoming book, "On the Way Home" by registering here.

Copyright 2012, Susan Schiller, http://TeamFamilyOnline.com. Permission is granted to copy, forward, or distribute this article for non-commercial use only, as long as this copyright byline and bio, in totality, is maintained in all duplications, copies, and link references.  For reprint permission for any commercial use, in any form of media, please contact Susan Schiller.

Tagged as: Choosing Love Today, Deborah White Dove, Getting Your Life Back, Living With a Sociopath, On the Way Home, Writing a Life Story