The Most Powerful Weapon to Defeat a Smear Campaign
By: White Dove
The best part of life is creating memories with our friends and family. We laugh at old jokes and tease each other for past escapades. Who doesn't like to reminisce about the good ole days? It's like a fountain of neverending life, and it just gets more precious as each year passes.
Living with a sociopath, your forfeit most of those simple pleasures of life – the very stuff of life that makes life worth living. A smear campaign is the ultimate betrayal. Your abuser twists events and with malevolent stabs in the back, presents to anyone who will listen a new picture of your life. And it ain't pretty. Half truths and full deception cause you to be shunned and exiled.
They ally your very own friends, spreading malicious gossip and slander against you. The enemy wants you to feel isolated and alone, weak and vulnerable, so that he can finish you off.
You die, piece by piece, each time your voice is silenced… each time you are shunned… each time you are blamed and shamed.
This has happened to me more than once, and I learned the hard way how NOT to respond, but I had to ask God for the best way TO respond. As I was praying one day, I heard Papa God whisper to me,
A weapon of defense – sure safety – is to pray for those who befriend you and then turn around and persecute you. A weapon of offense is to praise Me in the midst of your tears of anguish.
We choose the way of Love.
The most powerful weapon of all is praising God, even as the tears of anguish are streaming down our face. God, himself, is aroused to fight on our behalf. You are never alone.
In my anguish I cried to the LORD, and he answered by setting me free. The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? The LORD is with me; he is my helper. I will look in triumph on my enemies…" – Psalm 118:5-7
It can be tempting to defend yourself with the Truth, especially in the case of a smear campaign, but a sociopath is not fazed by your words. They may actually believe their own lies, as hard as that is to believe.
The reality is that most people will believe the sociopath's clever lies, because he or she is much more practiced in manipulating and controlling people than you are.
So what do you do?
Never fight a sociopath on their own turf. Get immediately to higher ground – by choosing Love. They, because they are choosing to operate at a subhuman level are stuck with ground-level warfare. But you exist in a higher nature and their words cannot harm you, unless you descend to their level. You are more powerful than you realize!
There is a time and place to speak the Truth, where it will blow the smear campaign to bits and backfire on your attacker. But it's not natural. It won't feel right, at first. First, you have to get up onto the high ground. Here's how…
Praising God, using His Word, lifts you high above their flame-throwing words. For real. When you declare God's truth His Spirit empowers your words with the fire of God and whoever dares to get close to you will be burned. Love is a consuming fire.
Here's the secret: Be prepared ahead of time with a written (or memorized) manifesto. Your emotions will likely be too chaotic in the moment of betrayal and deception, so write down a declaration, a manifesto, that will reverse the curses and turn them into blessings. Keep that paper close at hand, at all times. Read it out loud as many times a day as you need to keep the terror at bay.
I can tell you from my own personal experience that using a manifesto, a declaration of God's intentions for you, is the most powerful form of warfare.
Many survivors of sociopathic abuse will spend years, even decades, trying to break free from the grip of an abuser. A narcissist or a sociopath is relentless. They will not stop until your whole life is destroyed. That's just how it works – every time.
The reality is, that most church leaders and most civil servants of the justice system do not know or have the power to stop sociopathic abuse. Most of the time, the victims are blamed. It's up to us, the victims to stand up for each other, to speak out, and to reverse the situations we have been locked into.
It's time to get your life back! I'll be back next time with a simple written manifesto that has worked in my own life. It's not the only one I've used, but it's a sample. It works when nothing else does. Every time.
My Full Story What I Believe Contact Me
With all my love,
White Dove
White Dove knows how it feels to lose everything: marriage and family, church and reputation, finances and businesses, and more. Her upcoming, interactive memoir, "On the Way Home," tells the story of how she came to be known as "the most abused woman" her counselors had yet met and how she learned to navigate to freedom and fullness.
Today White helps people write their life stories, unearthing the treasures of their past and sowing them into their future, creating new family legacies.
Copyright © 2010 to 2017 Team Family Online, All rights reserved. For reprint permission or for any private or commercial use, in any form of media, please contact White Dove.
{ 70 comments… read them below or add one }
Hello. My story is a sad one and it could identify me but I no longer care. I have a nephew who is the father of my great-nephew, whom my terminally ill husband,as well as myself adore. We lost our only child at age five to cancer many years ago. When our great nephew was born, his father and mom asked us frequently to keep him and over four years he became very close to us both, but especially my husband. During my nephews separation from his wife, my husband spent a lot of time with my nephew and our great nephew as my nephew was very depressed and my husband felt badly for him. then he and his exwife reunited. She has always been nice to us however, we have witnessed my nephew abuse her both physically and psychologically on more than one occasion, My nephew has a particular disdain for me. about five months ago, my husband, after taking chemotherapy agreed to keep ourgreat nephew one night, all seemed normal and the next day, they moved out of town, about an hour away and told no one. They took everything in that house including large appliances and furniture and poof,,,,,they were gone. I texted explaining how sick my husband had become asking to see our great nephew and was ignored. finally my nephew called when th. I have no idea how to handle this. Please help.
I'm glad to know I'm not alone, but sad also…the sociopath ex is destroying me, turned all my friends against me, my coworkers and neighbors. he has slept with my friends and lied to them and others to incite them to attack me. he took pictures and videos of me without my knowledge or consent and posted them on internet also spread vicious lies. I'm being harassed daily by phone at work and at home, doorbell rang and horns blowing at three am, new dents on my car every day, stole my identity and personal information, my facebook hacked and I believe there's a tracking device on my car.my life is a nightmare. when I asked him to leave me alone he wage war with me, so I pretend to be his friend and he still attacks me. I don't know what to do, I'm devastated, afraid and isolated, I have no one…
Ty for sharing the good news! Reading your kind comments to others has really brought the spirit of peace to me tonight, and I haven’t felt that in a long while.
Peace is a precious gift and I’m glad you have some sense of relief, Nicole. May God give you even more of His peace that is out of this world! Thank you for sharing <3
there is one kind of slanderer that most Christians i have met don't seem to take seriously at all. and that is slanderers people perceive to be well intentioned.
mine own mother is lying about me right now. she is crazy crazy bitch and has been for a long time now. i have tried to reach out to others for help, and none helped. they don't know her but that is no excuse.
mine mother is destroying mine life piece by piece through her lies and which she has been doing for years.
but now she has up the ante and help bunch of wolves in mine life to destroy me.
moral of the story, even if you think someone's intention might be good, it still does not justify the result.
mine mother is a crazy crazy bitch who even after she succeeded destroyed me, she would still go " i don't know what i have done"
but may God destroy all her enablers, such as pastro wife huang Pastor Huang, Lee Shan Jain and Lee in chuo. they have as much blook on their hands as mine crazy crazy bitch of a mother.
may God destroy their lives and make them feel the pain i am feeling right now and see how they like me
i make no apology for anything i have wrote here because the pain i am experiencing is unimagiable right now.
so if the blogger has anything empathy or compassion then don't silence mine voice!
Thank you very much for this, this has really helped me out a lot. I've been dealing with a smear campaign for years. It began with one sociopath back in 2005 and continued with another sociopath in 2011. I have decided not to react to the smear campaign, as a result of that, there are rumors that I lost a job for knowing about the smear campaign, and I am uncertain about what will happen with me at my current job because of the smear campaign.
My question is this, should I tell potential employers about this smear campaign against me?
I wish I knew the answers, C …
All I know is that I’m learning to trust myself, most of all… that I can hear God’s voice and follow that still, soft voice in all ways….
I believe your heart will lead you in the way you should go and I believe for 10-fold restoration of all you’ve lost!
Thank you White Dove.
This is really helpful. Thank you.
I particularly like, "Never fight a sociopath on their own turf. Get immediately to higher ground – by choosing Love. They, because they are choosing to operate at a subhuman level are stuck with ground-level warfare. But you exist in a higher nature and their words cannot harm you, unless you descend to their level."
Coincidentally, in recent days I've been meditating on Ephesians 2:6: "For he raised us from the dead along with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ Jesus." And this has helped me tremendously to get to higher ground, as you said.
Wow, Mike, what a powerful meditation, in Ephesians! Yes, this is exactly the best position 🙂
Thank you for sharing your insights!
I have lived through decades of defamation, began by my ex-husband during our divorce. He had a liquor problem, which my lawyer and I would not use against him in Court, because if we damaged his career there would be no money for child support. We had plenty of other charges, like having had to call the poiice various times to protect us from his violence. I finally divorced him on grounds of separation for one year, and kept his nastiness out ofpublic record. But that did not stophim from filing a totally fictitious custody suit and using the court system to trumpet all sorts of scurrilous false accustions. His suit was groundless and thrown out of court immediately, but his filthy falshoods have lingered on for decades. I am not and have never been a homosexual, a prostitute, a bad parent, a mental case, a drinker, a drug user, etc, but "her husband said" gave weight to such rumors and my career was destroyed, I was excluded from organizations, blackballed over and over, friends disappeared and blackmail attempts still continue. For the past dozen years, I have been targeted by homosexuals, simply because I would have nothing to do with them., and they accuse me of all kinds of depravities.l I have had some success in fighting this evil campaign by passing out notices that describe me truthfully as a church goer and opponent of same gender marriage. Just look how such people persecuted the Boy Scouts! I would like to remind people that women still face great disadvantages, especially in marriage, because the husband has complete custody of the wife's reputation. If he claims you have been fooling around, then you may be swarmed by sex-seekers of all sorts of genders. There is a way to deal with outrage, fear and anxiety attacks: RESEARCH. Your best friends are FACTS, not people.You will get a thick skn, as most public figures (politicians, entertainers et al) do, just to survive. But religion does help– a lot! Jesus's words "Let him who is without sin cast the first stone" have lived on for thousands of years and are stil lmaking this world a better place.
The reality you describe has been my experience, too, and I agree with your words that a husband (through headship in the home) has custody of the wife’s reputation. A violent man behaves as you have described and the worst violence is the desecration of your identity on the inside and your reputation on the outside.
The violent abuser would prefer you have no job, no income, and no friends to support you emotionally and spiritually. It’s real and happens all too often.
Your final sentence from the story of the “Lady of Sin” and how Jesus addressed sexual sin…. oh my, that parable is on my heart so many times! Sex and religion go hand in hand and the church considers sexual sin at the top of the list. Whatever we oppose grows more powerful, in that we are focusing on it. When Christians oppose sexual sin they are actually empowering it. More than half of Christian pastors are addicted to porn. They project their own sin onto others.
There is a war against women in many religions. The best way to rise above it is to remember our identity, to help each other collectively and individually to own our core identity, as women.
Wow! I cannot thank you enough for writing this! I am currently going through a smear campaign myself. My MIL has fabricated stories about me that I am having an affair and using drugs. Thank God the part of the family who knows me and love me do not believe it, and know how she is. But of course you have people who will believe it, and it just has tore me to pieces inside. My husband and I have a wonderful marriage, and I thank God everyday for him. I cannot believe there are so many people in the world that literally take pleasure in doing this to others. Since this has happened I feel like i have lost apart or myself, but now slowly trying to get back to normal. She has also threatened to stalk me, said that I would be getting what's coming to me. So I have felt like a prisoner in my home. Afraid she will try and come to my home while my husband is not here. I have even been scared to walk to my mailbox. I have been praying so hard about it, and God is taking the anxiety and fear away from me little by little. Thank you again for posting this, I hate that anyone else has gone through this, but it helps so much for stories to be shared so we know we are not alone. God Bless you!
I had an ex friend that knew me for years. This person has literally seen me at my worst and knew every heart ache, grief and pretty much everything I've experienced throughout my life journey. I chose to end the friendship once I relaized that we were going down very opposite different paths. I stopped contact with this person due to her being unhealthy. I am just finished getting my bachelors and would like tp persue grad school and fear this smear campaign could be used against me. I've built so much for my self and feel like its being ripped from me and it hurts deeply. I am at a point where this person has called my place of employment, the school I was attending, new love interest and family members as well filling them with I am "mentally unstable", "mentally ill" and evoked fear into all of these aspects of my life. Initally I freaked out and asked why new behaviors where happening and where are these new findings are coming from. I started to obess and sent me into panic mode because I have so much to lose and believe my reaction further validated what was being said about me. Lots of my friends are treating as such now, family members have turned their backs and now treat me like I am menatly unstable and that everything I say now is me not being in my right mind. Mentors, professors, and collegues from college have all expressed that they are concerned for my mental health and its embarassing and hurtful. I've never felt any betrayal or pure evilness like this in my life until now. I've faced lots of adversity in my life and tired of fighting. I feel this person knew how to hurt me and it worked. I've been trying to pray more and I just feel so isolated ,unheard and powerless.
Marie, my heart goes out to you. So frustrating when you’re innocent and their smear campaign ruins your reputation. It hurts very deeply. You feel stuck in a place of trauma & rejection, blame & shane..
My sister in law took smear campaign to the highest level in dec 2017 – defaming me on Facebook. It devastated me. All lies. I’ve tried to “get over it” and stuff it down & “turn the other cheek” but I feel I need to address this mammoth injustice. Am sending a Cease & Desist letter to her. Lawyers have said I can sue her for defamation as I’m a teacher & my name & reputation has been wrecked by her words “she’s evil/a nightmare- a warning to all – do not trust her because she has trouble with the truth/she has attacked me for 16 years….” etc However I don’t want to involve a lawyer due to the stress & finances side of things. So sending it myself.
So I’m at the point of addressing the injustice now, and hoping it will set me free.
I hope you can be set free also by facing the injustice and then moving on.
Thank you for your encouraging words, Molly. Defamation of character is serious and I’m glad you sought legal counsel.
I hope ones come to know the healing in writing. Our stories are usually not just ours but the generation before us and the ones ahead of us. Hopefully the evilness that many of us have endured will bring the awareness needed. We certainly have lived hell on earth.
Well said, Shirley… our stories are more comprehensive than just our own… it's in our blood, 4 generations back and also going forward. This has been hell, yes….
I am dealing with a smear campaign by siblings. I was bullied throughout childhood and tried my best to have a decent relationship as an adult. Now that parents are older and I have had to make tough decisions, with no support, the fangs have come out. They are active in their church so I can only imagine what stories are getting told. I feel outnumbered and like nothing I say will make any difference or cause people to believe the truth. Appearances are everything to them. They can be very charming, and act as if I am the one who is an evil doer and causing the problems, and they are the hapless victims. This blaming has went on since childhood and it was so much easier to take any wrath out on me than to confront parents. I have already had police called on me for 'abusing parents.' The detectives were not amused to be wasting their time. Lately they have begun using church members to try to goad me into believing that I am outnumbered. Parents will not speak to church leaders because they say, ' they are the ones who need counseling.' Which, of course is true, but I doubt if they will ever seek counseling.
I don't know if I should forgive, or how to forgive – and I am afraid that if I do let my guard down, it will be the same things all over. I have been told that they wish I was not a member of the family and that they think my parents support their actions and attitudes towards me ( they absolutely do not, but will not confront them)
There are some people, including family, who we can never truly forgive, because there is too much evil involved. You might refer to this article, to pray about: https://loveyourstory.org/should-we-forgive-a-sociopath/
The kind of pain you are describing is hard for anyone to believe or understand, except for those of us who have survived encounters with evil, who have lived with it. I'm glad you are learning not to let your guard down!
I too am going through the sibling smear campaign. It has gotten to the point that I avoid being around them. My sister, especially, has been brutal. After her breakdown, her envy and competitive ness toward me have evolved into rage and spite. She has enlisted a few sick people and has aggressively tried to destroy my family and employment reputation. She and my brother have triangulated with their pals, some of whom slipped up and told me. I have tried to ignore and avoid them, but it's tough with an elderly parent.
As I read all these stories of smear campaigns, my heart goes out to each and every one of you. I am under this also by neighbors for the last 4 years.Thought it was gangsta king and read all I could. was scared to death as radio like amp sounds in my ears for seconds at a time. I put aluminium all on my bedroom walls as did not want to be microwaved. I'm followed everywhere I go and people come up and cough on me. My neighbors act weird around me.Also under a noise campaign. If it wasn't for my spiritual walk with Jesus, I probably would have killed myself. A lonely walk and no one believes you. They think your crazy. At times I would spend all day either listening to Christian music or reading bible or tapes. It's still going on and might never end.I'm getting stronger everyday. Some days are worse than others.Thank u all for sharing as it does help to know we're not just crazy!! lol
I pray all darkness is exposed in this circumstance, Marilyn, and I ask for God's Light to penetrate to the source of this torment and to reveal to you what Heaven's plans are for you. May God arise and scatter your enemies and may the air waves all around you be filled with the frequency of Heaven.
You might try looking at http://thispeacefulplace.com for one way to protect the air waves around you…. it may not be a complete solution, but it might help. My heart goes out to you. Thank you for sharing here.
HI. Well I'm fairly new to all of this pain, heartache, torture, misery, etc, etc. My new favorite description is psychological rape. My husband raped me every night, every morning and sometimes at lunch when he would come home from work. I didn't know that he was doing that at the time until later when i found that he was experiencing a mental narcissistic break, so I don't feel completely violated; since he was sick and all. All of this is very surreal to me. I can hardly believe that it is actually happening. My family thinks I'm the nutty one. Imagine that 😉 yeahp..i'm gonna smile cuz if i don't i might just lose it and become just like him. So the hardest part of all of this for me are the kids and the trauma they are ineveitably being put through. They can't tell me that they are but it's so blatantly obvious. My 16 yr. old son is trying to be so strong for me. And for his sister and himself. We must have had a really strong bond for him to still be trying to help ME understand all of what is happening. Or, I could just be deluding myself and he is just really watching out for himself only. I dunno. This thing is all just so very destructive to the human psyche. Not to mention physically and emotionally draining. I have screamed, cried, had physical pain from stress. slept all day and sometimes stay in bed all day. Total exhaustion. I've even thought of killing myself to get out of the pain of it all. But alas, I can't do that to my children nor would I give the bastard the satisifaction. I know, it's not his fault. I don't think this is anyones fault for that matter. I may be to blame for the things I've said to him to help push him over the edge, but still, i had my own problems of why i said them and so, it's not my fault either. I'm interested to know if anyone else was drug to court under false allegations of child abuse? What I find strange is that the commisioner in my case ordered that i still get my children on alternating weekends. What I find incredibly alarming is that my husband go me out of the house so easily after 36 years of marriage! AND i'm paying child support. I haven't worked a day in my life! Case is still pending in lieu of "future findings" so words still out on the outcome. I'm hoping, of course, that I'll get my kids back, my home back, my life back; just like in a reverse country song. But even then, I worry it'll push him farther off the edge and be the cause of more damage, like possibly going postal on me. And the kids. What a tradgedy that would be. Time to get some military grade mase 😉 Anyhoo, i'm grateful today that I found this site. Praying that all the hurting folks here (i've never liked the word victim) find their solace and balm of Gilead on our mighty warrior Jesus Christ. Love to all and especially the children of these rabid wolves.
My narcissistic ex had an affair with my best friend and stole my only sister from my life. He used both of them to alienate me from the majority of my friends and family. Even though my children choose to live with me becuase of his abusiveness, I still have friends and family that believe HE is the victim. We have had a restraining order against him because he tried to break in to our home…..yet he tells everyone who will listen that I made up the police report, slept with the judge and attorney to get the RO. It was extended for 6 months due to his behavior in court. Yet he tells everyone that I am the mean, angry psychopath. What I am having a hard time with is that it has been 6 years since our divorce and he is still smearing me to anyone who will listen. I recently moved an hour away from him to avoid the stares, gossip and cruelty that people display to me and my kids. Yes, his smear campaign extends to the children. I want to know if it ever ends. I have had to sever relationships with parts of my family because of their cruelty. Friends I have had for 30 years or more are now his friends and will not speak to me. Is there any way to undo the damage done??
Dear Susan,
The amount of pain you're enduring is beyond belief, but I have experienced similar. Unfortunately, for a time, my children were manipulated in such a way as to turn from me, as well. That was the worst…. it took time, but they came back.
I wish I could soften the blows you've received, but from my experience your true friends become nearer and dearer than ever before while other friends turn their faces away… usually for good. You will be forgotten, in time, by many, perhaps. This is what has happened to most of us, but your experience will be your own.
Defeating a smear campaign isn't about making people realize you are the true victim and receiving immediate vindication… it's knowing God in that depth of pain…. knowing yourself and being true to you, as well. It's about the Love that is real and true that is still present in your life and the huge blessings that come from it. That is my experience…. more than 2 decades down the road from the initial upheaval. I'm so grateful for who I have in my life today, for all I've learned, for who I have become… I count these as huge blessings.
I'm glad you were able to move and to have your children with you. It will get better. I'm so sorry for your losses – they are heavy, they are real.
In many ways we never truly recover from these pathological relationships. We bear scars. But our lives do get better, even better than we would have been if it hadn't happened.
Even though I don't identify as Christian, this is the first useful site I've come across in terms of how to deal with a smear campaign from a sociopath narcissist. It's a year later and I'm still dealing with in my spiritual community that I introduced HIM to. And now slowly my reputation is being slandered and people turned against me in this community that is so dear to me. At first I just assumed people would side with the truth so it was quite a shock to realize that's not true at all. These sociopaths are like spell casters, they put others under a spell. I was under that spell once myself so I get it. Although I am grateful to know the truth, the cost has been very high. But I love your message that this is just a way for me to grow spiritually and bring more of God into my everyday life. In fact, this person has set me on a whole new path of healing that has brought a lot of self-awareness and evolution. I had been asking how to have God more a part of my everyday life and self. Well I received lol. My story is not as bad as the many I have read online and I am very thankful for that. But it has given me an experience of what true evil is. This, hopefully, has given me more wisdom and shown me why it's so important I become strong and aligned with God in all my thoughts and actions. It has also given me more compassion for the victim, because now I know first-hand how cunning and deceptive these monsters are. It is an interesting thing to be "chosen" for this path. I see it as a trial for personal and spiritual development.
You say, "These sociopaths are like spell casters, they put others under a spell. I was under that spell once myself so I get it…"
Exactly! You really do get it, and 99% don't…. that's why our stories are so needed, so powerful… because we have seen evil face-to-face and it changes you – scars you – for life…. but we can benefit from it. There is God's justice system, two mercies for every woe!
I'm glad to meet you, a person who sees the potential for personal growth and even more benefits…. good for you!!!
Thank you for your kind words!
Thank you for your work and your site and your words! I was feeling these things but wondering if i was being overly romantic or dramatic. It helps me to get validation through your stories, and it strengthens me. And this makes me stronger to help others and validate them. We women are so used to being dismissed and ignored. I am silent no more, I don't care how many people I make uncomfortable, because in my voice hopefully one woman will find the bravery to acknowledge her story and free herself. Thank you!
Thank you, Helen, for stopping by and sharing with me. I truly appreciate hearing from you and I'm grateful another woman is ready to share her voice to help others!
Hi Susan,
I am in the same situation after expose my coworker as a manipulator now she start a smear campaign against me. But what make differance all my coworker knows me who I am. It's true there is a power in love.
Reading all of these people's testimonials has brought me some comfort in knowing that I am not alone. However, my situation is different for my narcissistic sociopathic ex husband has made it his life's mission to make sure I suffer for leaving him after 3 years of an emotionally & physically abusive marriage. The biggest hurt of all is that he turned our son against me. Twice he brought on a false claim of child abuse against me & had my son go along w/it out of intimidation & bullying. We went to court the first time and DYFS and the Judge saw right through him but my ex did it again this past May, just 3 days after we got back from a wonderful family vacation to Disney World & Universal Studios. O remarried a wonderful loving man and we have a 14 month old beautiful son together. We own a home and live a happy life for the most part while my ex husband is still exactly where I left him, a high school drop out, living out of his parents basement & can't keep a job. I know he finds me a threat and his envious rage has made him even more dangerous. His smear campaigns against me have emotionally damaged me and our son who is now 17, who I rarely see because it is my ex's goal to hurt me by using our son as a weapon. My ex is classified emotionnaly disturbed and I believe our son may suffer from it too. I have tried to get our son to get counseling but my ex husband won't allow it & convinced our son that the only reason why I want him in counseling is to control him. My heart is broken & my older son is quickly demonstrating the same dangerous sociopathic behavior as my ex. I was very young when I had him, a junior in high school, but I know he was a gift from God & I could not abort him, even though my ex's family pressured me to have an abortion, I refused. The pain I am feeling is a pain that should leave a mother crippled forever. However, as hard as it is, I do pray for my ex to find happiness & for the Lord to forgive me for my feelings of hate towards my ex. My family thinks that I should just let my older son go & live his life & move on, but as a mother, I can't do that. My ex has taught my older son how to disrespect me, lie to me & use me for whatever he wants. Since I left him he has undermined me & put into our son's head that women are not accountable & are just emotional. My older son now just plays video games all day & night, doesn't take care of himself & has no interest in college although his grades are very good. I'm so afraid that he is repeating the life of my deranged ex husband. My ex gives him whatever he wants & no supervision or responsibility, he rarely sees him & the only reason he lives w/him is to be used as a weapon to hurt me. He has no interest is seeing our son excel or become a healthy successful adult. Mu older son has no interest in seeing e due to his video game addiction. He only wants to see me if it somehow benefits him for entertainment purposes or if he can get something out of it. My hands are tied & my heart is broken. I trust that the Lord is with me during this difficult time & I do thank him for the beautiful life I have and for the health & happiness of our family & extended family. But does the Lord want me to let go of my older son? I do realize that my ex takes pleasure in seeing me hurt which makes me love my younger son and husband all that much more. I have mailed my older son many loving letters & scriptures from Corinthians in hopes that he will come around, but nothing is working. Reading all the other personal testimonies on here has given me some solace. A mother's love never dies and I would walk through hell for my children, but am I fighting a lost cause?
The story you've shared is consistent with a pathological father, using a child as a weapon… the child who's been exposed to such evil on a daily basis is showing the same symptoms as the parent…
I'm just a fellow survivor and not a mental health expert of any kind. Having heard so many stories and experienced similar to everyone else, I can validate what you are saying and I wish I had a really great solution!
The only thing that has worked, for me, is letting go. In fact, three counselors told me this long before I understood the dynamics of living with a sociopath. They said three things that have made all the difference:
It was the hardest advice I ever received, but I did as best as I could to follow it. It got worse before it became better, but it did get better.
The other part of the advice, they told me, was "Your job is to be happy."
They explained that my happiness would draw them in quicker than anything I tried to reach out directly to them with…. and it sounds like you are well on that journey to happiness.
"Letting go" is always healthy in relationships. Attachments aren't always health, especially with a person is toxic. I don't know your family's frame of reference in telling you to "let go" but it's possible they are seeing a little bit more objectively.
The reality is, mother's – especially empathetic and compassionate women – NEVER give up praying and believing for their children! But there are times when we must pray, love, and believe from a distance. We keep our own doors and windows open, and like the Father, we are eagerly searching the distance for our prodigal child to return home, but we don't run down the road and try to persuade him to come home. We believe in the power of Love. We believe in the power of Truth.
I hope this is somewhat helpful or gives you hope. It has worked for my family. We're not totally pain-free and "over it" yet but there's much more health now. These are just my own thoughts… each person's journey is entirely unique. You are a praying mom and God will show you what is best for your son. You are a great mom and you are so blessed to be away from this abusive man. There is no greater hate crime than using a child as a weapon against his mom!
Right now, I join in faith with you for a miraculous touch from our Father's hand … that releases Love into every fiber of your son's being, right down into the DNA of every cell. I ask for a wake up call, even a crisis point, that will startle this son into seeking for Truth and knowing where to find the Love.
Father of heavenly lights, please expose all the darkness and shine into this son's heart and mind. I ask You to save his soul from destruction. Raise up people around him to have righteous indignation at the treatment of this father and expose the deeds of this father. Expose him so that he, too, can have a chance to be saved from this evil…
Father, please give Ell what she needs… wisdom and discernment, favor and grace, and so much more. Help her to see the path you've laid out for her! Bless her, Father, and cause your Glory to shine through her life!
Hi Ell,
I can relate to your heartbreaking story through personal experience. It is unimaginable to see your child suffering and feel helpless to reach them or comfort them or guide them, while having to cope with your own loss and also the violation and injustice of having someone turn your own child against you.
This tragic situation happens surprisingly often and it even has a name: "Parental Alienation Syndrome." There are many resources available to help educate and guide you, and give you the best chances of reconnecting with your son. There are also support groups, online and possibly in your area.
i can suggest some excellent resources, and give you some information about PAS. Each case is unique. You will have the best chance of helping your son and reconnecting with him if you understand how he has been influenced and can assess how deeply he has been affected by it.
Parental Alienation is a campaign of denigration by one parent against the other. If the child joins the campaign and participates in the denigration, it is a case of Parental Alienation Syndrome.
The book Divorce Poison by Dr. Warshak is invaluable. Easy to find the points specific to your situation so you can understand what is happening and what to do.
Since your son is almost an adult, Amy Baker would be another great resource. (My daughter just turned 20). Amy focuses on adult children of alienation (adults who were alienated from a parent as children). This gives an understanding of the long term effects. It helped set my expectations to know that even if they find out exactly what happened there is no aha moment that erases it. You have to start where they are, and go from there.
Most PAS resources focus on what to do as a parent. Amy's research focuses on the child's experience. She did extensive interviews with 40 adults alienated as kids. She found that the tactics Parental Alienators used were essentially the same as those used on people indoctrinated into cults. (The link is that all cult leaders and parental alienators are narcissistic.) The children are essentially brainwashed and reprogrammed, similar to people who enter cults and develop a single-minded loyalty to the leader then discard their friends and families.
Its important to understand that each situation is unique in its severity because some Alienators are more aggressive than others, and some kids are more influenced than others. First step would be to learn more about PAS so you can evaluate his behavior and see where he is at.
You asked if you are fighting a lost cause. Not necessarily, but once you understand your situation, you will probably have to adjust your goals (adjust what you are "fighting" for). The hardest step, that I suspect you will have to take, is after you've educated yourself and suddenly you look at all of your child's strange behavior and it makes perfect sense. That's when you realize that they have been programmed. That's when it hits you that your vision of turning back the clock and interacting with your child as it was before they were influenced, is not going to happen. A tremendous sense of loss, to say the least. It's a grieving process. It's hard, but necessary for your own healing. It also opens the door for you to have new expectations with a reasonable bar, instead of measuring everything against that perfect love and bond between a mother and child that you used to have with him.
The bottom line is that you want to reconnect with your son. Approaching an alienated (PAS) child is similar to approaching someone in a cult. To have the best chance of reconnecting, you need to understand their mindset. So you'll need to at least understand the basics of Parental Alienation Syndrome. There are 8 specific symptoms, so it's easy to assess where your child is. That will help you understand the programming they've been subjected to and how deeply ingrained it is. Once you know where they are, you can start where they are and decide the best approach.
Guidance from sources like Divorce Poison can educate you and guide you. For the older kids like yours, they need to understand that the door is always open and it can be on their terms. Educating yourself will help you see why that is important. Your kindest open-arms offer would have appealed to the child you have memories of. You may dream of a warm reunion, and can't understand why this has to be so difficult. It starts to make more sense when you realize that you are reaching out to someone who has been rewarded for demonizing you and denigrating you. Earlier I mentioned that you have to grieve the loss of them being the innocent child you remember. They've already gone through that shock and grieving process about you. They were forced to when someone intentionally redefined you in their mind. To some degree it's likely they have come to know you as a different person. It's heartbreaking to consider that, but you have to start where they are or their behavior won't make sense and it'll be that much harder to bridge the gap.
Therss no elegant way to address this. I'm so sorry if my response sounded at all abrasive. I know you are in deep pain and this has been a long, draining process. I'm so sorry you have had to experience this. I'm so sorry your son has missed out on all the love and nurturing In his mother's heart. It wasn't fair to either of you.
Ill end this on a positive note, that perhaps only a parent with an alienated child can understand. I imagine you have felt reactive, helpless and confused for a long time. Like you've been chasing your tail in the Twilight Zone for eons. Nothing makes sense. The process of educating yourself about PAS helps turn the tide. You'll finally start to feel empowered and pro-active. You can anticipate the illogical behavior rather than being blindsided by it. You can reach out with a better understanding of how it will be received and a realistic expectation of how they will react. Technically none of these things change your situation, but if you've been down this road you understand that it is still significant.
I will keep you in my prayers, hoping there are real steps forward and healing for you and your son.
If you search "parental alienation syndrome" on Amazon, Divorce Poison and Amy Bakers books come right up.
I'm identifying with all these stories. The hardest thing to grasp is "his secret life… His hoe & bastard kids" .
i had 3 children with him! Come to find out he had a secret family!!! Appalling !!! It's hard to find help for that garbage.
We met in the church … He claimed to be a Christian…. Whoa!
Life Altering Betrayal
It's still astonishing to me how they prefer to pose as Christians and infiltrate the Body of Christ, like cancer cells. and not many are discerning or wise enough to understand pure evil has invaded our families! I'm glad you are seeing him for what and who he is, and my heart goes out to you as you sort all this out. To share children with a religious sociopath is incredibly difficult.
Hi Susan,
I have been abused by my Mother-in-law and her whole family (and friends) for a few years.
My Hubby, just in time, before getting divorced realized about his Mum about 3 years ago, and since then we are doing 'No Contact' with her. Please tell me how not to care about her smear campaigning constantly about us, and the fact that she has turned everyone around her against us. Thank you 🙂
anonymus girl
Dear Anonymous Girl,
As I'm once again the target of a smear campaign right now, I can't tell you that I don't care or that it doesn't hurt. It's a hellish nightmare.
It's our families – the ones who are most intimately associated with us – that have the ability to cut us the deepest.
I don't know what your faith background is, but there is one particular chapter in the book of Matthew (10) that keeps coming back to me over and over through the years:
16 “Stay alert. This is hazardous work I’m assigning you. You’re going to be like sheep running through a wolf pack, so don’t call attention to yourselves. Be as cunning as a snake, inoffensive as a dove.
17-20 “Don’t be naive. Some people will impugn your motives, others will smear your reputation—just because you believe in me. Don’t be upset when they haul you before the civil authorities. Without knowing it, they’ve done you—and me—a favor, given you a platform for preaching the kingdom news! And don’t worry about what you’ll say or how you’ll say it. The right words will be there; the Spirit of your Father will supply the words.
21-23 “When people realize it is the living God you are presenting and not some idol that makes them feel good, they are going to turn on you, even people in your own family. There is a great irony here: proclaiming so much love, experiencing so much hate! But don’t quit. Don’t cave in. It is all well worth it in the end. It is not success you are after in such times but survival. Be survivors! Before you’ve run out of options, the Son of Man will have arrived.
24-25 “A student doesn’t get a better desk than her teacher. A laborer doesn’t make more money than his boss. Be content—pleased, even—when you, my students, my harvest hands, get the same treatment I get. If they call me, the Master, ‘Dungface,’ what can the workers expect?
26-27 “Don’t be intimidated. Eventually everything is going to be out in the open, and everyone will know how things really are. So don’t hesitate to go public now.
28 “Don’t be bluffed into silence by the threats of bullies. There’s nothing they can do to your soul, your core being. Save your fear for God, who holds your entire life—body and soul—in his hands.
I know God sees and hears all that our enemies are saying and doing to smear our reputations. One day I was listening to God and I heard Him say:
"Even though you reached out in good faith toward those who hurt you and they ended up re-wounding you, I can still see God's hand in it as He is proving to you, by their response, that is truly is 'they' who have the issues. It also helps you to gauge where you are at in your own recovery. To step out in love, with a heart toward reconciliation takes healing, growth and mature love. They can actually reinforce in YOU that God HAS done great things. If theirs was a strong and Christ-like love they would have reached out long ago. To continue to write you off and use hurtful and cutting language with you only reveals the true condition of their hearts.
The test of betrayal is one of the harder tests we all must face in our lives at one time or another. I am proud of you that your heart has remained soft. I know thtat often to soften our hearts, God works through our raw hoesty as he works His love into those places of struggling with unforgiveness, bitterness and offense. That is hard to walk through because we are not sure sometimes if we will make it out of that fiery crucible."
David, in Psalm 59, passionately writes about just such a time in his life:
Deliver me from my enemies, O God; be my fortress against those who are attacking me…. Fierce men conspire against me for no offense or sin of mine, Lord. I have done no wrong, yet they are ready to attack me…. See what they spew from their mouths— the words from their lips are sharp as swords, and they think, “Who can hear us?” But you laugh at them, Lord; you scoff at all those nations…But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble."
I try to watch funny movies, dance, sing, and laugh as much as I can… It somehow diminishes the effect of the evil words and cures the sting of betrayal. It's not easy, for certain!
I hope this helps a bit… I am sorry if any of my words caused you to feel that your pain is not valid, for it definitely is. There is no greater pain than betrayal from one's own family members and friends!
Hi again 🙂
Thank you for your kind words. I do believe in God and deep inside me i know as well that he will punish those who hurt us. I am just so hurt maybe, that it is really hard to forget the pain they caused us. On top of that, no one on that side ever reached out to ask me/us about the truth as there is always two sides of a story. The worst thing is, that that side of the family is purely not interested in not just us, but our innocent little children. I just can't help, but thinking about this. Growing up in a very big ,loving, religious family, this is not the type of love i was expecting to get or dreamed of for our family from a very close family member. I like the thoughts you shared above from the bible but now one of them confuses me, and that is: "Don't be intimidated. Everything is going to be out in the open, and everyone will know how things really are, so don't hesitate to go public now." So does it mean, that i should just tell the truth to everyone who is affected by this evil woman? The thing is about distracting my thoughts with movies, music, dancing, etc. is that each year when fe.: Christmas comes i can't help myself thinking about our relatives and that we should be celebrating the most beautiful time of the year together. About 3 years ago, we did tell my Husband's Mother about her "sickness" or rather disorder i would say, but since then she is doing her usual silence treatment and so we are doing no contact with her. But to be honest, every time i think of her, it amazes me, that being a Grandmother, she is so not interested in her grandchilren, and will not even send a postcard to them on birthdays, celebrations, Christmas, etc. Thank you!
xx
I wasted a lot of time trying to understand the rationale and behavior of narcissists/sociopaths. It's incomprehensible. They live in a fear-based reality and all my life I've struggled to emerge from that reality by choosing Love.
Those of us who receive these "glory enhancers" in our lives often don't deserve to be treated the way we are treated. We dreamed of a much different life. What would it have been like if I had had a loving husband and father to my children? What if my church had not been a cult? What if someone had helped me, back then, instead of all the shunning and shame?
We'll each have our own responses to what happened to us. My response, primarily, has been to go public, to share my story, in the hope of helping to raise awareness, support other survivors, and validate victims who would otherwise wallow in shame and guilt.
One day everyone will know and see the Truth of what you're dealing with, and although that Day seems far away, it's already here and now. We can move in the opposite spirit. We can choose Love.
There is something Mysterious about choosing Love. It involves trust in our Creator, and somehow when we quit struggling to understand and just lay our lives down, He works things out in our lives in such a way that it brings relief.
I really don't understand evil, nor do I want to anymore. It's a bottomless pit of chaos and destruction.
All I can do is turn my face to Heaven and choose Love. Love always wins. Truth prevails.
There is a grief that comes around the holidays that I cannot deny. I don't know if the holidays will ever be "right" to me during my Earth visit. Holidays can be downright horrible, in fact. But even so, there is joy that comes as I focus on Light and Love, and as I build my life on Truth and the Promises of God.
These are just my own thoughts and ramblings. If empathy can help you at all, I really do understand what you're saying while not having the perfect answers!
Wow! It's so good to know I am not alone. Thank you for this website!
You're never alone, Julie… I'm glad we could be here for you. 🙂
hi Susan,
i just came across your website. I was in an abusive (psychological, spiritual and sexual abuse) relationship with my fiancé for over a year and I ended it a month ago with the help of police. I also had to leave my church. We went to the same church and though the leaders knew that he was abusing me they chose to support him and to this day believe his lies. The leaders have tried to turn my friends against me. This is not the first time the church has chosen to support an abuser. Recently I have been able to start praying for the leaders and for my ex but it is still so painful and hurtful that they cannot and will not see the truth. I have felt great freedom in leaving my ex and that church (and attending another) and I know that God will use this terrible time in the future to help others in similar situations.
Do you have any advice for me?
Hi Hannah,
The church abuse on top of your abusive relationship is unfortunately the standard way churches have been addressing this issue and I'm so sorry you're going through this! Church leaders compound the abuse, and oh how Satan must absolutely love the way you're being devoured.
The best thing I can tell you is that God sees everything and if you cling to him, worship and praise him through the worst of it, you will be so incredibly blessed by His presence. New relationships – good ones – will come into your life. But there's no doubt that it's a tough bloody path to walk. But you're never alone.
All I can say, from my own experience, is that it's worth it. All of God's best people are tested… if you look at David, Moses, Paul, Ruth, Esther… and so on and so on…Hebrews 11…. all I know is that you must be a very special person for Satan to attack you in this way. You have an important destiny and don't let any of this contaminate you.
Forgive when you're ready to forgive, not a moment earlier. Pray if God leads you to pray. Bless those who curse you, yes… and take good care of yourself. Love yourself. Reinvent yourself. Know that you are worthy to be cherished, protected, and loved unconditionally.
I send my own hugs to you, as a sister survivor… I wish it were more, but I pray that God will bless my blessing and cause you to feel heard, validated, and supported.
xxxoooxxx
I made the mistake of getting involved with a sociopathic co worker. We work in the very same building on the very same shift and have to interact constantly. He was the most terrifying person I have ever run across and the mental warfare has drained me. I finally had to risk inciting a smear campaign when I could no longer "go along to get along" and filed for an order of protection. I was granted the order (easily…the judge only took ten minutes to decide that he would grant it) with a lot of extras thrown in. He was placed on a different shift, away from the supervisor he is extremely attached to and has indoctrinated into his sociopathic web. Why he was not terminated is beyond me given the order itself states there were firearms involved. It's almost as if they are desparately trying to keep him and I cannot fathom why. Now the smear campaign has begun with said supervisor fully helping him along the way. My job is likely at risk, my reputation is ruined or at the very least taking a beating, and I can't win the battle. I know that. I have tried to be strog about the situation, ignore what I hear, but after a year of dealing with this I am beginning to crack. I have no idea how to recover or where to even start trying to. While reading accounts of other people who have been terrorized by a sociopath has been helpful, it has been equally discouraging because ultimately no one escapes. The sociopath takes everything from you. I have tried talking to God, but some days I feel like He has been silent because He is trying to teach me something and I am not getting it yet.
Dear Jo,
A woman named Alice commented on a different page of my site today, and I believe you may find comfort in her words:
"Connie, I can completely understand. I too had a wedding but not a marriage. Everything that is described above and in Sue's other writings aptly applied. It was my husband who left the house after years of threatening me with divorce-almost from the beginning. I was not good enough or I was a Goddess, he loved me or I was an F-in B…(if you know what I mean). He scapegoated me with his mother all of my marriage to him and he used God as his spiritual bypass for everything. He had a sexual addiction to pornography, and othe things. So I understand. My children have suffered, but I vowed to make it right with them, and the only way to do that was to make it right with me.
Your husband did not enter your life without God's knowledge. For whatever reason, your husband served a purpose to teach you something, to heal from something, and to grow into something. Out of the ashes comes beauty. Yes, its traumatic and you find yourself not being able to trust, but when you decide that he is responsible for never allowing you to love again, he still gets the power, he still wins. "
I concur with Alice – love wins. It's how we perceive what happens and how we choose to grow from this that matters the most. We can truly BENEFIT from these wicked people, in fact!
You can read more of what Alice says at: https://loveyourstory.org/mr-right/
Hi, I have been going through this now since 1989..stemming from ugly aunts and uncles..they have money now but they were threatenening me as a child. I didnt know they were setting me up since highschool..poisionings..hiring evil groups to bother me…I recently lost a job..this time I saw and heard the person and what they said about me,,,I lost my job five days after this and I need an attorney..what should I do? They have turned friends against me etc…even church people etc.. MJ
Dear MJ,
For your safety, I am removing your name and contact details from this comment. I am glad you are seeking legal counsel and I hope you have good documentation for so many years of harmful intent against your life. As you can tell from this article and several more of this kind on my site, I write about the spiritual and emotional aspects of sociopathic abuse. I am a survivor, not a professional counselor of any kind. All I know is that it's possible to get your life back and to live a joyful life, at that, after losing everything.
Sociopaths are relentless, and if they are in your family, you have a much deeper pain and anguish. Many people need professional therapy and counseling, and possibly you can benefit, too, from seeking professional aid.
I truly hope you have documentation and good legal counsel – the people who have sought to harm you could potentially succeed if you're not careful. If they know you are exposing them, that is the most dangerous time. Please get all the counsel you can, to be safe. Once you are safe, you can begin to recover your life – that's hopefully what my articles can help with.
I wish you the very best!
I know this post was years ago. Just want you to know that I'm motivated and encoraged by reading this today.
The Lord is my strength.
Thanks for being here today and sharing this space!
I often re-post, because I, myself, needed to be reminded of God's grace and promises in the hard times!
Thank you for sharing <3
As HE IS (sitting at the right hand of our Father God), so ARE WE … in this world.
Here. Now.
1 – Rebuke the wind (what is not seen).
2 – Command the waves (what is seen) to be still.
3 – Rest in the peace/shalom of Christ (what He bequeathed to us): complete wholeness in every area and relation.
4 – Live long and prosper – for His glory and your good.
Thank God for what you do, Susan. May He bless you richly and surround you with His favour like a shield!
Bold, strong, and powerful words, Deborah, and I agree! Not only do I agree, but I am needing these reminders, myself! Thanks 🙂
Dear Ms. Schiller,
I am in the middle of having my life destroyed by 2 sociopathic family members. I am so glad to find this blog to use as a healling tool. I look forward to futher interactions.
Thanks,
Hal Henry
Many times there are more than one in a family, Hr. Henry, and I'm sorry to hear that such is the case for you. It's truly devastating when they join forces, even if they operate independently. I'm glad you are finding hope here! Thank you for introducing yourself. 🙂
I have recentently been stalked by a narricist psycho wacko. I believed I am saved ,but I wonder if God gave us wack job psychos? What I mean is they have no empathy and are ruthless like hilter and bush. I can and did praise God but i became baffled as to how to deal with someone who is just out to destroy you(seriously!) vs JC on the cross for someone with no empathy that will never get it. Please Respond
There's no worse pain, is there, Salesh…
There are some of us who have had to physically relocate, to remove ourselves from the stalking and.move to a new place where people don't know us. That, in and of itself, can be dangerous, too. I can't advise you in your particular situation, both because I'm not qualified and I don't know enough about what you're enduring. But I can share my own story.
They don't give up, unless another prey is already in their target range. They are relentless. They truly are out to destroy you.
I believe, however, that they are empowered by evil. That is, the person you know as your husband, boyfriend, family member, friend, etc… at some point in time, they traded or lost their soul to evil. Evil uses their body – including their mind – to torment you. That is my own belief, based on years of personal observation and interviewing both survivors and sociopaths.
Evil is smarter than you. It's an ancient malevolent entity that knows all your hot buttons and pushes them relentlessly.
I wish I could give you an easy answer, one where you don't have to suffer and all works out well. It's hell.
King David, before he as king, endured Saul. All throughout history, as recorded in the Bible, God's people have endured whacko leaders politically and in religious systems. In most cases, we've had to flee. David lived in caves for a season, chased by Saul in the wilderness. Moses lived in the desert, having escaped from certain death in Egypt. Paul went into the desert for 14 years.
When I realized I couldn't prevent or stop the smear campaign, the stalking, the lies, the constant torment, I discovered the only thing I could do is choose peace, choose love, choose joy. I had to change my perception of what was happening.
I began to remember all of God's promises. I began to know God's Word not from Scripture but from my heart… experientially. I prayed the Psalms. I lived the Psalms. My perspective changed. My thoughts and beliefs changed. At first I thought I was a Christian – and then I realized I had not been, because I hadn't really learned to trust. I wasn't truly living Matthew 5-7.
I began to LIVE as passionately devoted to God as my enemy was passionately devoted to destroying me.
I stalked God. I hid in His presence, as in Psalm 91.
I don't want to sound all spiritual…. but the reality of my life during the escape period was such that nothing was available in the natural realm to help me. Seriously nothing!
It was so much more a spiritual battle than a natural battle.
When I began to gain ground spiritually, the physical battle began to cease.
And that's the central theme of my own story. I don't see help in the natural world for victims of sociopaths – that is, churches and systems. Their "help" is more often abuse on top of abuse without realizing it.
I am grateful for my enemies, I can sincerely say that. Did God bring them to me? No, the enemy did. But God used them to help me become more like Him. And I have so much more peace, joy, and love than ever before.
It doesn't mean I live a stressfree life, no…. but it is possible to make it through to the other side, where your enemy becomes afraid of you!
For the past three years I have been a victim of these sociopaths who live next to me. Initially the came to me ina very friendly way and I thought they were so nice but by nature i am an introvrt so I was civil with them. Soon I just notice that they would ask me personal questions about my life, then twist it and report to the authorithies all because they wanted to be the richest people on the street. From fraud to attempted kidnapping, tochild abuse to falsely accusing my children….just about anything possible that you can accuse a person of . The only thing that kept m going was faith in the Almighty. They even bugged my phone so when I call the poloce to complain about the harrassment, they quickly call the police to accuse me or my children of something we have not done. I used to live in fear because i was not sure if they would kill me and my children. once, I found one of them trying to open my back door with a key and i called the police but they quickly called the police to say my stepson was trying to get into the house which was not true. So the next two times my stepson visited they called the police to show that he was the one I was referring to. They call my children's school and slander them, making the teachers to pick on them but I sorted that out thank, but still it is unerving They hacked my facebook account my emails, one of them was even telling me how I gave birth to my children. I called the police but they said that I was the one who gave them the information. I tried to speak to one of them but she denied everything. it is scary.
After reading this article I thank God that i kept calm most of the time, now they are trying to say that I might be sick upstairs.
What an onslaught! Your home should be your safe place, your place of safety, comfort and rest. The way you describe their approach rings true for sociopaths… how they wiggled their way in to your life with kindness and "compassion" and then turned your confidences into evidences against you. Trying to set you up to look crazy… this is a very dangerous scenario. I'm so outraged that the police do not recognize the signature mark of a sociopath in operation. I know what it's like to not feel safe in calling the police.
For me, the turnaround began when I realized my authority in Christ, and how the battle in the heavenly realm precedes what happens on earth. I don't know what faith background you are from, and for me I've had to escape from my own faith background, because that enabled the abuse…. it took many years for me to learn how to take authority over these malicious characters, beginning in the spirit realm.
If you want to track along with me in that journey to freedom, my "Write to Freedom" course is all about coming out of that type of evil…. the kind of evil where you very often have no help from authorities.
I am deeply concerned for you and your children. I'm so, so sorry this has been happening to you! I'm so glad that you are finding peace in God and the strength to counter their attacks with calmness…. you are a brave heart!
Please stay in touch and let me know how it goes and what God leads you to do. We can all learn from one another!
xxxoooxxx
Hi ella Lace, you case is related to organised gang stalking – never trust anyone except you. Keep note of each and everything that's happening to you.
Arshad, you bring up an important topic, and that is documentation. Keep records of what is said and done is important, even critical, to our mental sanity. It may also help in other ways, but the most important function is keep our heads on straight. Doubting and not trusting ourselves is the first casualty of war, for it leads to mental breakdown and the disintegration of our personality. Thank you for helping us to remember!
Thank you so much for these endearing words of wisdom when dealing with untrue smear campaigns against yourself by ex-friends, work colleagues, etc. I dealt with one back in 2001-2002. I lost my job behind it. I still have not recovered because I was a teacher whose boss (principal) tried to erase me. I am still looking for steady employment, while the former boss climbed higher and higher. The person is now Education Commissioner of the state that I used to live in. The person has stepped on many toes and hearts. Only my friends and true, fromer, co-workers know what I had gone through. Now I am a single parent with a child and still have issues behind what happened in 2002. Thank you again for the words and the verses in Psalms.
Oh Cecelia, my heart goes out to you! You've been suffering the effects of that smear campaign for over 12-years and that is all too often the reality of life after a sociopath. Like you describe, we often are stripped of everything, with lasting consequences.
I'm praying for you right now, that heaven's light exposes the darkness you've been hidden under. I ask for all of Heaven to move on your behalf, to lift off this heavy burden of shame others have heaped upon you, many times unknowingly.
May God give you the courage to turn this around, because His desire is that your soul and your life prosper, even as a payback from this tragedy. God doesn't bring tragedy but he does have provision for every problem already stored up for you. I'm asking God to give you His favor and grace right now, to restore you and give you a double portion, along with everlasting joy, hope, and love, and faith.
I speak over your mind, that you have a sound mind, and any residual fogginess that may remain is lifted. I speak over your life that your best years are just up ahead and that God is the lifter of your head. I'd give you a hug right now, if I could, so I send my love to you online. Thanks for sharing today, dear heart!
We can be betrayed by people and we can be betrayed by life. I think I must have had enough early betrayals by life — family disruptions, rapes, loss of both parents — that I closed down the part of my heart that leaves us the most vulnerable. While that has its own downsides, I was spared the tremendous hurt by "friends" and partners that you experienced, Sue. I don't doubt for a moment the devastation and torment — nor the comfort you have found in your Papa God and the healing that can come through Him.
I think there is a "toughening up" process that happens after a series of betrayals, but it's not always bad to control your vulnerability. For me, I numbed my heart and shut down to such an extent that it was decreasing my ability to enjoy life. There was a movie made of our experiences, and I describe that numbing process in the movie – but I don't think anyone ever understood that it takes time and energy to heal those places that were numbed during crisis.
One of the reasons I'd really like to read your whole story, Sharon, is because of the depth and breadth of all your life experiences. You've come out so much, brushed yourself off, and have come out with a higher quality of life. This is what amazes me about your life story, and I hope that you are still writing your book!
You are living proof Susan that it is possible to overcome the damage of an abusive past. And your healing manifesto is proof that anything can be overcome with God's help. Declaring those words of truth is so empowering and the most evil of pasts can be broken down with strength of our Lord. God Bless you!
Your life is living proof that healing a whole family is possible, Carolyn… it is the truth that sets us free. And love, faith, and hope make it possible for us to stand in that truth. Thank you so much, Carolyn, for being a beacon of hope! Thank you for your meaningful and encouraging words here, Carolyn 🙂
I've had an ex boyfriend betray me and it was a very painful part of my life. It took a few years to feel "normal" after I left him. Once you're out of the mess, you really do become such a stronger person. But until that point, you do feel like your heart has fallen out of your body, and you're holding it in your hand. It's traumatic, and heart wrenching. I asked myself "Why me?" and it's frustrating to wonder why it happened to you. I believe it happened to me so that I can help other women going through the same thing. I believe it happened to me so that I can become a stronger woman. Does that make it okay? Absolutely not. But I'm thankful that I made it through. Thank you for sharing.
I'm so sorry you have known this type of pain, Keri, but I'm also glad that you took steps to protect yourself and that you didn't cling to a dream that was never meant to be.
Thanks for helping women to come out of this type of abuse! You are a true gift, a treasure!
There are many "pains" in the Christian walk, but I believe the pain of betrayal is one of the deepest pains I ever felt. It felt like someone had turned my stomach inside out, and stabbed my heart all at the same time… driving me to the floor in despair.
One of the difficulties for me was that this person, this intimate friend, who knew me so well, totally ignored every true and sure thing about me.
Looking back, I think of it as one of the ways, small ways, I have shared in the suffering of Jesus Christ. Yet He kept loving, and loving, and loving…
We've traveled the same path, Linda…. the path that Jesus walked to Calvary. A path of betrayal, misunderstandings, rejection, and abandonment. There were so many times when I discovered that I had treated Christ in much the same hurtful or neglectful way that others had treated me. I began to feel as He was feeling in a new level of intimacy – I just didn't realize that I could have given Him so much pain and anguish.
I identify with what you're saying, and probably adding my own perspective here, as I don't want to assume you have felt the same. I think the pain either draws us closer to Him or it creates more of a gap, if we choose the lower realm. Your observations, Linda, show me a remarkable heart in you. For you are one of those constant and faithful friends that I admire, appreciate, and honor – you are the REAL deal 🙂
Thank you for being here, my friend!
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