Tangled in the Tares

Tangled in the Tares

By: Susan Deborah schiller

In the series, "Love from Papa"

Don't worry about scary beasts with horns carrying pitchforks – that's not true evil. The most hideous evil in the world is dressed up to look like a nice, perfect Christian. In fact, the Christian abuser is the worst kind. Lucifer, dressed in a cloak of Light.

What do you do when you discover that the man who said, "I do" is not the same person lying next to you in bed. He convinced you he was a Christian. He promised to love and cherish you, but now he's threatening to take your life. He's already taken possession of all that you own and with a verbal knife he's got you by the throat. It's a marriage trap.

You are tangled in the tares. Tares appear so much like wheat that a farmer cannot tell the difference until his field is ready for harvest. Jesus, in telling the parable of the wheat and tares warned his hearers that among us walks the enemy. The enemy looks and sounds just like a real Christian – one of the best of us, even a pastor or missionary!

How do get free from being tangled in the tares?

Two years before my first escape: From my diary, September 2000 –

Papa God said: "A weapon of defense, sure safety, is to pray for those who befriend you and then persecute you.

A weapon of offense is to praise Me in the midst of your tears of anguish.

Fourteen years later, I have found the best escape plan includes this advice. It doesn't mean you don't take action to leave the abuser, to protect your children, to secure your assets if you can, to seek help, and begin to get your life back. You do need to see refuge and have no contact with an abuser.

What it means on a spiritual level is: there is a double measure of peace, joy, and prosperity coming to you, if you choose to use the weapons God showed me: prayer and praise, especially when it makes no sense. Especially during the worst of the smear campaign, the gaslighting, and the plain-in-daylight attacks.

Jesus warned us that even angels cannot tell the difference between a wheat and a tare! So don't let anyone put a guilt trip on you, or accuse you of having low self-esteem, or tell you that it's 50% your fault!

Whether or not you had your own issues going on or not, even the BEST counselors, pastors, and leaders of all kinds – including angels – cannot immediately tell the difference between a good and righteous man and a religious sociopath!

You cannot counsel or talk your way logically out of a pathological relationship. This type of abuser is relentless and will never give up.

The best advice I can give you, if you have found yourself tangled in a tare, is to stop wiggling and jerking, and trying extricate yourself.

If you dare, grin in the face of disaster. Know that you will lose good friends. Understand that lies will be spread about you. Reckon on losing a lot, even everything.

I don't mean you should be a doormat and allow the abuser to harm you. What I do mean is that it's going to hurt and it will feel like death in so many ways.

You can't control what they do, but you can choose not to play the game. If you don't play the game, you win. But it will look like you lose. Just as it appeared Jesus lost when he breathed his last breath on the cross and was buried in a tomb.

Even Jesus' closest friends left him, for a time. But don't you love his come back?? And that's what God has planned for you and me, too!

Yes, and that's why God says to grin in the face of disaster. Get a good look at what's up ahead, in that next chapter of the story of your life… and for the pure JOY of it, GRIN! Yes, that's you banqueting in front of your enemies (Psalm 23) – and I don't mean you have to wait to die and go to Heaven. No, God wants you to enjoy your vengeance now. 

Anticipate His promises coming true in your life. Expect God to be your hero. Prepare for change. The battle is in your head. What are you choosing to let your mind dwell on? You may as well imagine how your enemy is going to feel as you awaken to your authority to RULE IN THE MIDST OF YOUR ENEMIES!

Next Story: Rule in the Midst of Your Enemies

Previous Story: Grin in the Face of Disaster


My Full Story     What I Believe    Contact Me

With all my love,


Susan Schiller knows how it feels to lose everything: marriage and family, church and reputation, finances and businesses, and more. Susan's upcoming, interactive memoir, "On the Way Home," tells the story of how she came to be known as "the most abused woman" her counselors had yet met and how she learned to navigate to freedom and fullness.  
Today Susan helps people write their life stories, unearthing the treasures of their past and sowing them into their future, creating new family legacies.

Copyright © 2010 to 2015 Team Family Online, All rights reserved.   For reprint permission or for any private or commercial use, in any form of media, please contact Susan Schiller

{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }

Susan Schiller August 18, 2015 at 6:51 am
You are in a time of separation when you will divide the precious from the vile.  You have gone through previous seasons of doing this, but every time that you respond in obedience to My directive, you come higher spiritually.  When you do what I ask, you achieve greater clarity of vision and purpose, says the Lord.   Jeremiah 15:19 Therefore thus says the LORD: "If you return, then I will bring you back; you shall stand before Me; if you take out the precious from the vile, you shall be as My mouth. Let them return to you, but you must not return to them."


Dani May 12, 2015 at 10:52 am

"Maybe you have to know the darkness before you can appreciate the light." – Madeleine L'Engle


Susan Schiller May 12, 2015 at 10:53 am

Profoundly true!


Susan Schiller August 19, 2014 at 10:18 am

True words, once again, and well spoken, Laura.

I share something similar here: http://loveyourstory.org/the-cloud-of-unknowing/ – a time when I had to put everything aside, even my Bible, for a season. 

I am not always a safe or true friend, even though I try to be and want to be. I fail more than I would like to even think.

Thank you for your kind words. 



laura August 20, 2014 at 7:38 am

If you can't always be a safe or true friend,then you're just like me.There's no such thing as perfection.In fact,the word itself scares me.Only god and saints have no flaw.Feel free to email me whenever you like.My invitation still stands.God bless you.


Susan Schiller August 20, 2014 at 8:55 am

I will do that, Laura – I look forward to knowing you better 🙂


laura August 16, 2014 at 12:02 pm

Hi Susan,

I'm a christian,and proud of it.Christianity is a beautiful religion,based on love,peace,mutual help.It's based on the ten commandments,none of which allows abuse.On the contrary,it regards people as brothers and sisters.It promotes self-sacrifice to help others.Violence of any type is punished.

You say the christian abuser is the worst,and i agree.The biggest sin of all is to use the name of god for abuse.It's not only cruel to the victim,it's insulting god itself.Abusers know that victims always find a sanctuary and unconditional love in god.Victims are robbed of their faith,thus losing their only hope.Spiritual abuse appears in any religion,not only christianity.

Priests,ministers and pastors are supposed to protect the sheep,teaching them how to reach heaven.Yet,abusers make others' life a living hell.In my christian church,unconditional love is a must.Abuse feels horrible especially because it's coming from people we trust the most.Think about it.Pastors abuse the sheep.Husbands abuse their wives.Parents abuse their children.I see a pattern here.Abusers are put in charge,and they can't handle their power.What should be a huge responsibility turns into their own free will.

If the same abuse would be inflicte by strangers on the street,there would be no damage to our identity.The pain is unbearable due to daily contact with our abusers.They see us as their property (this is the core),while we feel tangled in the tares.Abusers abuse god itself.They know god equals truth,so they destroy the notion of god,so we wouldn't have access to the truth.


Susan Schiller August 16, 2014 at 3:48 pm

You speak as an Avenger, Laura – one of the heroes spoken of in the Old Testament who are like God’s hitmen. They right the wrongs. They enforce peace. They love justice. 

One morning God awakened me with the thought that He had already put into place a plan to protect every one of His children, and even to protect the abusers, too. His justice is so balanced and fair that He even made provision for justice for the abusers. As I began to study, pray, and meditate on that, my appreciate grew for God’s love of both justice and mercy. I began to realize that it wasn’t just for the Old Testament times, but for here and now, too. 

I believe God is putting things to rights and creating heroes and champions to fight for the fight, to protect the vulnerable, and to bind up the wounds of the broken. I wrote about this at http://loveyourstory.org/avengers/, back in 2012. I made a decision to become one of His heroes, and He put me into desert training. 

I’m still in training. He positioned me as a heart scribe. That’s what I sensed Him call this “job”. I see those of us who are writing, exposing the darkness, and working to defend the rights of the voiceless as shooting out arrows. We are fighting through distributing information, praying, and creating beauty out of chaos. We are artists, poets, storytellers, monks, and mystics. 

Just as in 2 Chron 22, the singers led the way into an imossible battle against an immense army, so God seems to be choosing the artists of today, especially women, to lead the way. You seem to be one of them, Laura, and I wonder if you have felt this, at times.

You speak Truth and you know it from experience, not just teaching. Is your church safe? Do you feel confident in speaking about what you are experiencing to your pastor or leaders? Is there shelter or safety among the people in your community?


laura August 17, 2014 at 12:43 am

My church is safe,although i confess i haven't spoken to anyone in there about my pain,as i wasn't ready.But i do know people who have,and they found comfort and the answer they were looking for.Someday i'll be ready too.Everytime i step into a church,i feel safe and inner peace.We don't have pastors or leaders,we have priests.Christianity does not focus on individuals,but on the soul and the afterlife.Only god gives us safety.We have many christian churches,not just one.Usually,i enter in whatever christian church comes my way,but i don;t no anybody there.In our churches,people don't know each other.The most important relationship is the one we have with god,not with each other.

For us,the church is the house of god and god lives there.If i go visit someone,i pay attention to the host,not the other visitors.That would be impolite.We listen to the word of god spoken by the priest in an atmosphere of silence and respect.There's a different kind of community,totally different than in your church.

Christianity itself is not abusive,on the contrary.If we don't have love,we don't have anything.I'm trully sorry for your horrible life experience,but i want you to know the man who abused you was NOT a christian,even though he called himself that way.God especially punishes those kind of abusers who speak in his name,but do evil.God calls them the devil's tool.I wish you could see how good christianity is,just like you saw the true nature of god.After all you've been through,you could have hated god,but you didn't.The same goes for christianity.Please don't label christians.You are above that.


Susan Schiller August 17, 2014 at 8:38 am

I enjoy seeing through your eyes, Laura. In the American churches we worship in a much different way, for the most part. I wrote about the day when I “woke up” out of a deep slumber at http://loveyourstory.org/when-we-were-on-fire-love-from-papa/. The kind of church I was part of was pretty much like every church in any town or state of our country – it was “normal Christianity” but it wasn’t real Christianity. For many of us, it takes years to shed the layers of deception in our hearts.

The kind of church you describe sounds like a sanctuary where one meets with God, and that sounds like a wonderful place. The abusers you and I know find places like my church system to be conducive to being wolves dressed in sheepskin. I think that’s why you find a high percentage of wolves within such a system. 

I’m so glad you have a place where you can step into peace and feel safe. I can tell what that this experience has done much to make your spirit strong. Many of those of who are exiting the churches where we were abused are finding solace in Catholic churches, where more emphasis is on rituals and prayer, liturgies and Scripture. A lot of us looking to rebuild the fundamentals of our faith, based on intimacy with God. 

I hope one day we can meet, Laura, if not on earth, then in Heaven. I truly enjoy seeing through your eyes and hearing what your heart is saying. I hope you will write more stories, even just ordinary stories of what you encounter as you walk in your city streets, how you protect yourself, how you guard your heart. Do you have safe friends?


laura August 17, 2014 at 11:52 am

I would have loved meeting you in person,Susan.Since this is not possible,I'd be more than happy to communicate with you by mail.In private,i am much more open than i am in the comments.We can have heart to heart conversation.I can't wait for sunshine in my inbox.

My safest friend is you,and i mean it;no fake politeness.In real life,i trusted so many people,but they let me down.Life taught me never to put anyone on a pedestal,as nobody is perfect.Religion taught me that people who help are sent from god.I always wanted lifetime friends;it just wasn't meant to be.When i saw how mean and superficial normal people can be,i started looking for special friends,instead of safe.You know how that turned up.

Now i decided to make myself my best friend.I'll see how that works.


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