Step into the Light
By: Susan Deborah Schiller
Stepping into the Light is scary, because for many survivors of sociopathic abuse it means leaving material security. Even losing everything…. job, ministry, family and friends… it's a grieving that goes deeper than the death of a loved one. It's easier to find closure in the death of a loved one: funeral, flowers, condolences… but with severance from the darkness of a sociopath you usually walk alone – shunned, exiled, condemned, and shamed.
Confusion surrounding the whole situation may leave you doubting your sanity, your faith, and more. You know the Bible says 365 times, "Do not fear…" and you've probably memorized Proverbs 3:5-6: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."
But in the wake of a religious sociopath your compass needle is spinning. Up seems down and down seems up. Nothing and no one seems reliable anymore. That's because your community has been calling good evil, and evil good.
Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter! – Isaiah 5:20
What can you do when your whole foundation has crumbled? How can you see the Light, let alone step into it?
Here's all I know…
You step into the abyss. It feels like a free fall into darkness. It feels like madness!
Dr. Stephen Crosby describes this type of desperation and how to handle it at "Praying into the Abyss of Despair". Here's a brief excerpt of what Dr. Crosby wrote:
Sometimes the essence of prayer is little more than throwing our self into free-fall of the abyss of our hopelessness. We have no assurance of anything other than darkness. We can’t stay on the edge any longer, and what is in front of us is nothing but darkness, hopelessness, and despair. The cowardly turn from the precipice, give up on prayer and accommodate their present reality. The courageous throw themselves, heart and soul, into the abyss.
Once they do, they discover that fearful free-fall turns into flight when the Spirit gets a hold of the courageous faith we have shown by praying into the darkness. Those who refuse to face the abyss of their hopelessness can never know the experience of having free-fall turn to flight by the Spirit. Ezekiel spoke of waters where we can no longer touch solid ground–waters so deep that we cannot control anything, even our own survival. Those who insist on the security of the shoreline, where everything is safely neat, predictable, understandable, and manageable, will never know the dynamic of the real prayer of faith.
The Spirit of the Lord came to me a while back and strongly impressed on me how much the Father appreciates the “faith” of those who, in the face of their impossibility and no answers, throw themselves into it any way. It’s corny and cliché, but He appreciates it in ways that we cannot truly fathom. – Read More
I know your pain. I feel your desperation. I've been there. I don't wish I could take it all away, though, because God's plans for you are far greater than this temporary affliction. So I pray right now that your spirit is quickened to reach up for those tickets.
Exchange your tickets for Papa God's. You won't regret placing your trust in Him. One day you'll look back on this devastation as the beginning of the greatest adventure of your life. I can't tell you what it looks like, because each of us gets a customized adventure. There's provision in every problem.
The peace of God is radically different than the world's 'peace'. He desires you to rule in the midst of your enemies. Human opposition only serves to enhance the glory of God.
What will keep others safe from the wolf in sheep's skin you uncovered? A blaze of God's Glory. For me, I found meaning in my suffering. I discovered that how my sociopathic religious abuser (and spouse) treated me was little different than how the relgious leaders were abusing His Bride.
God told me to tell my story, and each time a survivor writes back to tell me they are escaping to freedom, I know that one more lamb has been gently loved back to life. Expect LOVE! Expect this change to be GOOD! Expect to be AWED and full of wonder!
With all my love,
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