The Sociopaths Among Us – What Do They Tell Us About Ourselves?

The Sociopaths Among Us – What Do They Tell Us About Ourselves

By: Susan Deborah Schiller

Sociopaths / psychopaths walk among us every day – at work, church, and in our families. Some of them sincerely want to change. A few of them want to know Love. Sometimes they contact me, asking me if there is any hope for them to change. 

Normally, they tell me they have gone to church. They have read the Bible. But their hearts remain cold. They continue hurting people. They know it, but they can't stop. What does it take to really change, they wonder?

I know of one former psychopath – a man who was diagnosed as a psychopath by psychiatrists when he was a young boy – who has made a tremendous amount of progress in getting his life back.

He's repenting for his lies and going back into his past to make restitution. He's made radical changes in his life, including giving up his wealth, entering a life of poverty-by-choice, and living to serve others. Whatever he has, he gives away. He's like the rich young ruler Jesus replied to, when he asked what he must do to have eternal life, by saying, "Give what you have to the poor and then come follow me."

His very life and the way he is responding to God is a prophetic message to everyone around him, including me. While he often feels like a failure, he's acting on everything God tells him to do. Do I? Do you?

One of his life messages is to "be happy" and he says that's by giving whatever you have away. In fact, he says to give away the very thing you need most! It's God's economy, which is opposite of the world's economy.

Church leaders call him all the time, but they only want his volunteer labor. He has extraordinary skills and can fix literally anything and everything. He's glad to work for free, because it helps him to grow. But it also makes him sad, to simply be used and not loved.

No one wants him as a friend. No one. He still has rough edges and you can sense that he's "different". He's changing, but people have a hard time accepting him in the process of transformation. They trust him. They give him their house keys, car keys… but they don't want him as a friend.

We worked for awhile at the same location. I got to know him very well over the course of 4 years, and he gave me permission to share his story. He truly does hate the way he used to be. 

The main challenge, I think, is that he's taking Jesus' message so very literally. It challenges Christians, because we don't like a literal gospel. That would mean forgiving each other. That would mean rescuing victims from injustice… not just sending money to an organization but helping our neighbor next door or down the street. It would mean going the extra mile, turning the other cheek, and picking up our cross.

What would Christianity look like today if we all took the Gospel of Christ literally?

This man's presence in our community forces us to see a man truly living as Christ would live today, and that makes us uncomfortable.

Christians point their finger and shout, "Pyschopath!" They warn others to stay away. But where is the real insanity? Is it not in proclaiming the Gospel but acting the opposite?

Because I write so much about rescuing victims of sociopaths, and because I am a survivor of sociopathic abuse, you might think I would be warning people to stay away from him, too. Believe me, I am careful. I have had to call the police, twice. He thanked me. I'm not a pie-in-the-sky idealist, as I used to be. But I have hope… because I see real change.

I see a man who is become more like Christ than most Christians. He's not perfect, but over the years he's no longer who he used to be. Love broke through, as he says.

Isn't this the heart of the gospel? That we love each other, as Christ loves us, even to the point of laying down our lives?

I have been challenged by sociopaths more so than any great Christian leader, to walk a truer path, to really live out what Christ teaches.

For me, my experiences with sociopaths / psychopaths has led me to becoming my true self. This is the pearl of great price – knowing Christ at the deepest level possible, at the core of my soul. I have learned to give my all, and for that I thank the sociopaths.

This article was written today, in response to a reader's question, "Can a sociopath change?" It's not a complete answers, because I don't have full understanding of pathological relationships. All I know is that Love Wins.

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With all my love,


Susan Schiller knows how it feels to lose everything: marriage and family, church and reputation, finances and businesses, and more. Susan's upcoming, interactive memoir, "On the Way Home," tells the story of how she came to be known as "the most abused woman" her counselors had yet met and how she learned to navigate to freedom and fullness.  
Today Susan helps people write their life stories, unearthing the treasures of their past and sowing them into their future, creating new family legacies.

Copyright © 2014 Team Family Online, All rights reserved.   For reprint permission or for any private or commercial use, in any form of media, please contact Susan Schiller

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