My Silence Made Me Evil’s Accomplice

Silence is Evil's Favorite Accomplice

By: Kimberly Dimick

Editor's Note: As Christian wives, often we equate gentleness, mercy, and grace with holiness. We think of Jesus who was led to slaughter without raising his voice. We understand that "long suffering, patience and kindness" are gifts of the Holy Spirit. And most of all, we've heard all our lives that we are to be "submissive" to our husbands. I know all of this described me, to the point where I believed my suffering under my husband's abuse was not my responsibility to change. Instead, I focused on my own faults and prayed for hours every day. But nothing changed, and in fact, the abuse escalated. It became our family legacy!

Then, I met Kimberly Dimick and a few other godly counselors. I began to learn a different Way, and I discovered that my silence had made me an accomplice to all the evil that went on in our home. I knew I had the power to make a difference, and it started by listening to Kingdom friends speaking the Truth to me, free from the misogynistic twisting and distorting of Scripture so common in today's churches.

Kimberly and her husband Joshua are living examples of the kind of mercy and grace that creates and abuse-free legacy for their family. Kimberly has graciously allowed me to share her words with you today, and we picked up with a personal story…

I remember God also telling me…"well, so you think because you were a lamb led to the slaughter and you opened not your mouth makes you holy, daughter? Should THAT response apply to your husband's abuse at all? Really, daughter? Wasn't it fear rather than righteousness? What does righteousness and love have to do with fear in the face of WRONG?"

Sometimes, when God asks me a question….He asks in such a way that I HAVE my answer!! I am the kind of girl who stays quiet when being wronged. I am silent and withdrawn. I don't kick and scream and curse like a sailor. I didn't retaliate and go off on my husband in those days. I remained kind and sweet and the best little servant you ever saw. I would try harder and be so good.

You would think I was a saint. It was ALL a lie!

I wasn't good because God made me good. I was acting good to avoid more abuse or to make up to God my wrong. That my friends is not authentic relationship with Jesus. That is not only covering my abuser's sin but it is developing a pseudo-personality to protect myself and APPEAR good before the Lord.

Sounds so righteous, doesn't it? So holy. Well, no it wasn't righteous. It was SIN.

It was my abuser's SIN and my giving into fear.

     Giving in to self- righteousness.

          Having pretense.

It was sin to NOT fight back and with a tenacity that should have brought the fear of the Lord down.

I should not have remained silent and sweet. I should have spoken up – and ANGRILY! God comes quietly for sure but most times when He comes and He is really trying to say something, it is with A LOUD VOICE, WITH A SHOUT!!  —  "Hey, pay attention!!"

I should have put my foot down and pushed back. I SHOULD have risen up inside me to defend my life, to defend my children, BY WHATEVER means it took.

I am not saying to throw cursings around like they are nothing. I am saying that holy rage and anger IS good. SO many of you seem to struggle with the fact that you cut off your husband or would feel anger or speak up or talk back and BE AFFECTED.

Look at me, my silence was more sinful than making a mess everywhere!

God can handle the mess. At least the mess is honest!!! The mess is real and not some fake righteousness. You know that is more dangerous than coming up fighting.

SO when you ladies think your reaction to your husband is not warranted….remember it is better than lying down and being a DOORMAT. Because you see when I put my face in the dust, I WAS PUTTING GOD'S FACE THERE TOO!!

Indignation toward abuse – or lack thereof – says a lot about a person's maturity in Christ, as we note in David Seamends words:

A person who cannot feel anger at evil is a person who lacks enthusiasm for good. If you cannot hate the wrong, it is very questionable whether you really love righteousness. And, it's obvious that person does not possess a functioning courageous spirit; furthermore, he's probably hiding this fact behind a counterfeit gentleness.

A truly gentle person doesn't just lie down and let life happen to him and to others. Gentleness means, even requires, that you use force — justly, yes, but you use it. A truly gentle person is a truly virtuous person, and it's worth repeating here that part of the definition of virtue is the word force.

But what we often describe as a "gentle spirit" can be a mere disguise for timidity, passivity, even indifference. Though we certainly need more of this virtue, our current gentleness-at-any-price policy is unbiblical. (If we're always required to be gentle, then Jesus sinned.)

As healers and rescuers, our proper expression of anger should be part of affirming to the abused that what happened to them was real and that it was wrong. Our anger, rightly deployed, can serve as a beacon, a lighthouse, a lamp unto their feet. Have you noticed that abusive people lie to their victims in some way or another? That's not a coincidence. Victims need thumos (passionate) people to point this out for them and to shine light on the truth with thumotic power and conviction when appropriate.

There is much to grieve in this life, and responding to destructive forces without thumos (spirited, passion) power may well make us accomplices. For many, gentleness is a disguise for being dispassionate spectators. – David Seamends  (Bold mine)

Read More of Kimberly and Joshua’s Stories Here

With love,

Kimberly

Kimberly Dimick and her husband, Joshua Dimick, know how it feels to lose everything: marriage and family, church and reputation, finances and careers, and so much more. Together and separately they have walked the path of Love, a narrow path, a path that is lonely and not well-used.

They intimately understand the soul-shattering pain of separation and divorce and they also know “The Way Home” to a life of choosing unconditional love. The surprising answers to a happy marriage are shared in their posts, articles, and a book-in-progress.

As you venture on this journey with Kimberly and Josh you will experience how God shines His most brilliant light in their darkest hours. Today their mission is to provide a voice to women suffering in silence, shining the Light of Truth into the dark places of marital and spiritual abuse.

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