The Benevolent Side of Evil

By: Susan Deborah Schiller

My second home used to be a suburban Pentecostal assembly. I worked 70-80 hours a week in our local church. It took a spiritual earthquake and ultimately, exile, for me to finally realize it was a closed system – a cult. We used the standard Bible translations, but we worshiped a different Jesus, even though we believed and taught much that was true. 

There is a benevolent side to evil, causing us to call evil "good," and good "evil".

I guess you could say that we were fairly mainstream as far as Christianity in a white, affluent neighborhood. We always did the same things to attract people from our community into our church: Two services on Sundays, Sunday School, Children's church, Youth Group, Women's Bible Studies, Men's Groups, 12-step programs, Wednesday night prayer, Choir practice, Symphony practice, and on and on… 

We prayed, evangelized, tithed and gave to charity. We baptized in water and in the Holy Spirit. We spoke in tongues and worshiped fervently. Our theology and doctrine were impeccable. We DID all the right things, fervently and zealously… but one thing we lacked: the true spirit of Christ.

We forgot that BEING a Christian means that it's Jesus who lives in us, and that apart from Him we can do nothing. He is the Vine and we are the branches. I had John 15 memorized long before I lived it. Same with Matthew 5-6… the most powerful Sermon on the Mount. 

In our church, if anyone took time out for fishing they were called "backsliders". Couples who desired to have more than two children were chastised for being selfish. Too many children prevented parents from being totally devoted to the church's programs. Even if you took time off due to pregnancy or illness, it was a matter for church discipline.

The benevolent side of evil kept us very busy doing and building good things.

To maintain all the programs, the church worked us very hard – many times so hard that we barely had time to think for ourselves. But every so often a ray of light broke through, blazing a shimmering trail of Light into the darkness.

Such was a day I'll always remember, one rare evening at home. The television was on, and a man was talking to another man who was about to be tortured. He said to the man facing imminent torture and probable death:

"Do you think you are better than they (the torturers) are?

The man replied, "Yes."

"Do not think so, for judge not that you be not judged," said the man.

"Are you Jesus Christ now?" countered the man about to face martyrdom.

"Pretty soon you start thinking you're different from everybody. Then you begin thinking that you're better than everybody else, and it doesn't take too long after that to start doing this to your fellow humans," said the unknown man.

This snippet of dialgue from a television show shot down like a lightning bolt from Heaven, awakening me from a spiritual coma. It felt like I had been going through the motions for so long, like a robot. My spiritual life felt dead and cold, even though our church was considered one of the most successful in town. Many people said we were "on fire" and I was in the thick of it.

Like a bolt from Heaven, I  FELT the unknown man's words searing my hardened heart. I wrote in my diary, now over two decades ago:

"This morning in church I had not a few bad thoughts about several fellow Christians. I know these thoughts are from the enemy, but I haven't been resisting. I feel too weak to resist and the farther I allow myself to slide, the harder it is to stop."

Our pastor was the most critical one of us all, and somehow we thought it was good to be berated, even publicly. He said he was concerned about souls, so we submitted to the abusive tirades aimed at keeping us "under authority". But really, we weren't so much different than he. All the verbal assaults, from within and without, had hardened our hearts and our love had grown cold. 

The benevolent side of evil criticizes and condemns, even using God's Word to assault people under its "care". In the name of looking after their souls, evil intimidates, threatens, and controls.

With nothing except the flip of a page in my battered notebook, I went on to write, back in 1989:

"I haven't been outdoors in a long time. How nice it would be to go for a long walk in a solitary place! I would truly be restored then. Oh yes! Wouldn't it be wonderful to breathe air full of life and to hear the wind and birds – to talk with the God who made such wonders! Just thinking about such a thing lifts my weary soul!"

In Deuteronomy, God tells His people, "Choose Life!" It's the cry of a Good Father who delights in blessing His children and giving us pleasure and satisfaction in our careers and homes.

In the New Testament, Jesus tells us, "Love God, love people – Love is the Way to Abundant Life."

We weren't intended to be cooped up in meetings, meetings, meetings… The Living Word is everywhere. He is the Spirit of Truth. The written Word of God is meant to be a gateway to the Living Word…  Psalm 19 says that the heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the works of His hands. 

What did our ancestors do before modern church buildings and programs? I can't help but wonder if maybe they simply loved God, shared their stories, and loved each other. You can't really judge, criticize, and condemn so easily if you are busy blazing trails in the wilderness, raising food together, living in community, or sharing stories, and walking in each other's shoes.

Without enough time for solitude, silence, and simply stopping to smile back at a sunflower, our hearts slowly shrink and shrivel. We are designed for awe and wonder!

Today I am beginning to finally see that God wants us to BE HAPPY and he created this magnificent world for our pleasure, and our pleasure delights Him! 

I ask myself, "Am I any different than my abusers?" I created chaos in my life, as a result of my responses to abuse, both spiritual and spousal. The hardest thing to do is to accept responsibiity for our perception and our responses to sin. My responsibiity today is not to change anyone else, but to change my thoughts – to take them all captive to Christ. If I can create chaos, then I can create beauty out of that chaos by choosing new thoughts to think.

These days, I no longer have trouble with critical thoughts. Instead, I choose to see Christ in every person, even my enemies. I try to choose love, to the best of my ability.

Love and Truth, Mercy and Grace, must walk hand-in-hand together with Justice and Righteousness.

Micah 6:7-8The Message (MSG)

When I think back on all those meetings, meetings, meetings… I cannot but be grateful for the shunning and exile. It plunged me into the wilderness, but like Moses, God had provision for me there.

Isaiah 1:13-17The Message (MSG)

I'm thankful that God never abandons us, even when we have lost our way. He's always sending Light from Heaven. We don't have to become like our abusers. We can create a new family legacy!

With all my love,

Sue

Susan Schiller knows how it feels to lose everything: marriage and family, church and reputation, finances and businesses, and more. Susan's upcoming, interactive memoir, "On the Way Home," tells the story of how she came to be known as "the most abused woman" her counselors had yet met and how she learned to navigate her way out of hell to a rich and satisfying life. In her lifetime, Susan has served in duties ranging from home school mom – to pastor –  to full-time deliverance minister – and to Midwest regional prayer coordinator for a large international ministry. These days you can usually find Susan soaking in her favorite hot springs pool, reading a book (or several), blogging, baking bread, or hanging out with her family and friends. You can pre-order a free copy of Susan's upcoming book, "On the Way Home" by registering here.

Copyright 2014, Susan Schiller, http://TeamFamilyOnline.com.  For reprint permission for any private or commercial use, in any form of media, please contact Susan Schiller.

Tagged as: Choosing Love Today, Deborah White Dove, Life Story Writing, True Religion Speaks, Unbuckle Your Christianity, Voice of the Bride