A Reckless Abandonment into the Heart of God

Provision Follows Passion

By: Susan Deborah Schiller

The following is a dream recorded in my journal – and today I am reminded of this dream because many other wounded warriors are also climbing this hill, headed toward a base camp. Many people are having the exact same vision! This place is real and the time is now!

Beads of stinging sweat blur my vision as I stop to survey my position. I throw my backpack to the ground and pour a few drops of water onto my bandana. I cool my feverish head with the rag. This is the highest mountain I have ever climbed in my life and the path is nearly straight up for as far as my eyes can see!

Looking down at my swollen, blistering feet, I know if I remove my boots I'll never get them back on again. Shading my eyes, I look up into the sun which is directly overhead. Noonish. I blink several times, gazing into the deep cerulean canopy that will soon enough be velvety black if I don't hurry. Though silent, the sky seems to promise that at least the air will be cooler as I gain altitude.

Quickly, before I lose courage, I wrap the bandana around my head and secure it with a knot. I hitch up my dusty backpack with a determination that I would rather die climbing this mountain than to live in regret for never risking the opportunity to live free of the rat race in the valley below.

There is no going back. I have no exit plan. No Plan B. I have sold everything to make this trip possible!

Thankfully there is a path to follow and steps carved shallowly into the face of the rock. Every few feet are sign posts engraved with the names of previous travelers. Quite often there is a box on the posts that contain bits of paper – letters with stories – written by explorers who have previously passed this way. In this rough and barren place, it's so good to read their stories and to know I'm not alone!

I stop to consider my own story. Yes, if I make it to the top, one day I will return and post my own story in one of these boxes!

Hours later, with the sun nearly touching the horizon, I gasp as my head crests the top of the last step. I've never seen such a beautiful place! Not far from the path is a huge log cabin. In the middle of the wrap-around front porch is a wide door that is partially open. From within I hear the sound of lively chatter and the tinkling of plates, forks, and spoons.

I knock and tentatively take a step into what appears to be a large family gathering. A man quickly arises from a table where a small family is gathered and welcomes me to his house. It appears my arrival has been eagerly anticipated and a place has been set for me.

A plate piled high with delicious homemade foods is placed in front of me, but greater than my hunger for bodily nourishment is my passion for the astounding panoramic view as seen through the wall-sized windows in this majestic dining room!

The sunset is spectacular! Sensational! I've never seen reds, pinks, and oranges look so vibrantly alive!

Despite my fatigue, I leap up from the table and groan in deep delight at the view from the window to a large city down below, complete with a picturesque harbor.

We're headed to base camp, but you have to climb to get there. 

It's already getting dark, but I beg to be excused to explore the amazing sights. Blisters and swollen feet can wait! My host smiles knowingly and wave me out the door.

The fiery sunset gradually deepens into an indigo blanket that feels like it is enveloping me in arms of love. I return to the log building, which is now silent. The families have already walked off to nearby cabins. Dinner is over and a guilty feeling edges its way into my thoughts.

I feel ashamed I have wasted food and have been negligent toward my gracious hosts! At that same moment I hear melodious laughter, like the merry ho! ho! ho! of someone playing Santa Claus. But it's for real and my host is simply in a good mood! He's so happy I have arrived!

It's like this ongoing family reunion is something he's been planning for a great many years and now that we're all arriving it gives him such pleasure.

All my life I've wondered what this kind of love and acceptance would feel like. I am overwhelmed by mercy and grace and I lay my head on this man's lap, as if I were a child. It does not surprise or offend him that I am overwhelmed by love. He strokes my hair and assures me that all is well.

He tells me that all my needs have been taken care of, in advance, and that all I need to do is settle in and take pleasure in this vast, unlimited place.

A few minutes later he takes me by the hand, saying, "You really must be hungry, my child." His arm extends toward a picnic table heavily laden with fresh fruits and vegetables and be beckons me to take as much as I like. He assures me there is always more than enough.

"Provision follows passion," my daughter. "Your passion has led you here. My provision goes ahead of you and behind you. There is always more than enough!"

End of Dream, recorded in my journal on November 23, 2013

God is bringing us Home! He's calling us UP. Let's rise up!

The King is wild about you! (Psalm 45) That is the source of my passion. Never be afraid to follow your passions, for in doing so you are seeking first the kingdom of heaven, and all that you need will be provided for you. You cannot fail when you follow the passion of your own crucified heart.

It's a "reckless abandonment" into the heart of God!

 

My Full Story     What I Believe    Contact Me

With all my love,

Sue

Susan Schiller knows how it feels to lose everything: marriage and family, church and reputation, finances and businesses, and more. Susan's upcoming, interactive memoir, "On the Way Home," tells the story of how she came to be known as "the most abused woman" her counselors had yet met and how she learned to navigate to freedom and fullness.  

Today Susan helps people write their life stories, unearthing the treasures of their past and sowing them into their future, creating new family legacies.

Copyright © 2010 to 2016 Team Family Online, All rights reserved.   For reprint permission or for any private or commercial use, in any form of media, please contact Susan Schiller

{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

Joyce Lagana August 14, 2014 at 5:38 pm

Sue, this is breathtaking!  I can't help but cry at the picture of your head resting on his lap and his hand stroking your head.  It set off such a longing in me that I know this was a gift from the throneroom, and one I needed today as I read about the beheading of Christian children in Iraq.  A gift of the picture of Father's love to ease the ache in my heart for these children and their families.  May God have mercy on us all.

Bless you, dear one!

Reply

Susan Schiller August 14, 2014 at 9:02 pm

I’m so glad we could share this vision, Joyce – it’s one of my most favorite times with Him!

It was one of those dreams where when you wake you feel like you were really there. It was so very real. And true. And the love, the peace, the joy, the wonder….  I’m so glad you could feel it, too!

Reply

Jane Argiero January 19, 2014 at 4:31 am

Susan,  this is exquistite.  I could read it over and over again.  Thank you.

Reply

Susan Schiller January 19, 2014 at 9:56 am

Jane, we must be sisters… thanks so much for joining me here today and for sharing your thoughts! I must say I felt like I had been on an actual trip, when I awakened from the dream – it felt so very real. It made me feel like I had entered the Kingdom and enjoyed a day with the King 🙂

Reply

Laurel Regan January 12, 2014 at 10:25 am

Beautiful! Thank you for sharing this lovely piece.

Reply

Susan Schiller January 12, 2014 at 10:28 am

Thanks for being here, Laurel – have a great weekend! 🙂

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Nicole January 12, 2014 at 10:24 am

Beautifully written. I love how words, strung together in just the right way, create beauty. 

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Susan Schiller January 12, 2014 at 10:05 am

A note from Gertraud: "And this is for Susan; keep on wrestling until you get the Blessing which is at the top of the Ladder. It's very close, cast perfection aside, put the postage stamps on and walk to the postbox . Don't forget the push the letters through the letterbox."

She also shared this meaningful photo, without realizing I had dreamed this particular msg.

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Susan Schiller January 10, 2014 at 7:19 am

SMALL STRAWS IN A SOFT WIND by MARSHA BURNS:  

 

I have prepared an elevated place for you in the realm of the Spirit, but before you can move up, you have to recognize and deal with what is holding you back.  If you are willing, I will show you the proverbial elephant in the room–that thing that keeps you bound and unable to realize your potential.  Get ready for breakthrough, and do not be afraid, says the Lord.  

 

Psalms 51:6 Behold, You desire truth in the inward parts, and in the hidden part You will make me to know wisdom. 

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