A Page from My Journal
Susan Deborah Schiller
Divorce is a torrent of treacherous waters, threatinging to tip me into a sea of despair. A smear campaign (again???) tempts me to doubt myself, to blame myself, and to miss hearing God's voice. So I am here writing…. waiting….
Most of all, I want to hear Your still, small voice, Abba.
I am Your beloved child.
Yeshua, Your first born, beloved son, suffered the same kind of betrayal and rejection and was murdered. What are You saying to me today, Papa?
Troubles come on the scent of doubts.
Praising changes your scent.
Rejoicoing dissolves the troubles.
We are rebuilding the Temple – establishing worship in the core of our lives.
Worship isn't a service, a set of songs, or a devotional we read each day.
Worship is a lifestyle of choosing love in the face of fear.
I bring my sacrifice.
It's praising and rejoicing in the anguish of unsolved problems.
I bring my offering.
It's living as my true self, without a mask – naked and unashamed.
If we all live like this, in unity and community, even despite enemies within and without – with swords in one hand and shovels in the other hand – we will be called restorers of the land and builders of a new world.
"Those from among you will rebuild the ancient ruins; You will raise up the age-old foundations; And you will be called the repairer of the breach, The restorer of the streets in which to dwell. – Isaiah 58:12
I'm just like any other survivor, my emotions often threaten to run away with me, leaving my soul vulnerable to the smear campaigning, the gaslighting, and the general insanity of what happens inside marriage with a tare.
Papa once said to me "rejoicing and thanksgiving are the bookends of faith". While I know this is Truth, my mortal enemy (Fear-based living) too often sounds the alarm and I react automatically with doubts and worries… all the "what if's".
It can take years to adopt a new lifestyle – a lifestyle of continually choosing love.
It's worth it. I'm still on this journey, along with you. For the long haul. It's the journey itself that makes like worth living, because I get to be with people like you. Those are the kind of people I meet these days, even though, yes, there are still wolves circling in the darkness surrounding us.
Choosing love today,