I Am the King's Bride and He is the King of Peace
By: Susan Deborah Schiller (Photo Credit
I used to believe, "If only I could prove my love, he would understand and come back to me," but that is not true. Evil people cannot receive or even comprehend love. They are users and abusers. Period. They rarely ever change, even with professional help.
Freedom from a pathological love relationship comes only through assent to the mystery of our belovedness and acceptance of our core identity as Abba's child.
To keep standing in Truth amidst the crashing waves of the disapproval of significant others is the ultimate freedom. My security is based on having no security in this world. My only security is being loved by Him.
In this identity, as Abba's child, I am free from the bondage of human approval.
To get to this place of freedom, meant my soul had to be wounded, or I would have had too much pride, self-assurance, and self-righteousness. Love is always crucified.
"The lives of those fully engaged in the human struggle will be riddled with bullet holes. Whatever happened in the life of Jesus is in some way going to happen to us. Wounds are necessary. The soul has to be wounded as well as the body. To think that the natural and proper state is to be without wounds is an illusion. Those who wear bullet proof vests to protect themselves from failure, shipwreck, and heartbreak will never know what love is. The unwounded life bears no resemblance to the Rabbi." – Brennan Manning
"Our depressions, jealousies, narcissism, and failures are not at odds with the spiritual life. Indeed they are essential to it. When tended, they prevent the spirit from zooming off into the ozone of perfectionism and spiritual pride." – Thomas Moore
Yes, I was stripped and left for dead. Rejected, betrayed, and abandoned. My recovery became a resurrection as I experienced the fullness of what Christ himself experienced in his earth life. His passion became mine.
"Let the Great Rabbi hold you silently against His heart. In learning who He is, you will find out who you are: Abba's child in Christ our Lord." – Brennan Manning
The worst wound to our souls is the arrow that attacks our identity. At the core of who I am, I am Abba's beloved child.
In August 2011, I penned the following in my diary:
How I have missed you terribly, not because I want to be away, but because I feel the sting of betrayal and rejection from Your people, once again.
Abba, we have all sinned and fall short of Your glory and the very way you have designed us to live. Right now, Abba, I am lonely, tired, and scared. The one I trusted and loved has become my enemy. Yet I still love him. I wish I could do something to help him.
But the opposite happens, and somehow my attempts to touch his heart turn into ugly scenes and he treats me like a monster. I can't change anything this way, so I pray.
Father, release my husband from the torment and help me to let go of my position as his wife. Help me to release the regrets. Help me to have joy once again.
Restore me, O God. Restore my reputation, my fortune, my family, my life. Please give me rest from my enemies. Please plead my case, Jesus.
Please raise me up out of the garbage heap, once again. O God, please come soon and set the world straight – we've all gotten off Your course. O God, please come!"
The only peace in the horrific storm of narcissistic or sociopathic "love" is found in our identity in Christ. This is the place where I find myself embraced by the King of kings. I am the King's Bride. He is the King of Peace.
Love is always crucified. Love is tested and refined. Love is so powerful it overcomes evil. If I have learned to love and be loved, I have passed Earth's boot camp. And the evidence of passing this test is being naked and unashamed… having a pure heart.
- No masks.
- No cosmetics.
- Being real and not needing the approval of others.
If you find yourself amidst the crashing waves, keep standing in your truth. Keep shining in the knowledge of your belovedness. You are the King's Bride!
With all my love,
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