Beginning to See the Light
By: Jennifer Jacobson
Jennifer's Previous Story: "Caught Between Two Worlds"
I am coming out of the fog of several emotional and psychological abuse situations, and the mechanics of this system of passive-aggressive,
I now understand how this system has kept many of us feeling stuck, trapped, and immobilized as the same set of characters and circumstances keep reappearing in our lives.
We keep thinking we are escaping, but then find ourselves plunged back into abusive situations. When we speak or behave in ways that reveal truth, we upset the system. The system reacts by recapturing us, using our fears against us.
Those of us who see through the diversions and cover-ups (the fog) are accused of being crazy or "insecure". We have been silenced by false accusations when we attempt to speak powerful truths of what is really occurring in our families and communities.
We need the seers! Those of us who are seers are brought into community to offer our contribution to raise our communities up into strength and health through allowing truth to be seen. Revealing and allowing truth to be seen and heard often involves receiving information which is inconvenient, uncomfortable and can be hard to digest.
Seers help direct people to the Light. Through authenticity, when a seer speaks she is a transparent beacon of Light pointing to the Truth.
Abusers are empty, full of darkness. They create diversions, even in seemingly casual conversations, to confuse and disorient, distract and avoid truth-seeking.
I believe in using my speech to awaken people out of the slumber induced by lies and half-truths. Yet, when I have attempted to speak up, I have been met by mocking and invalidation. It feels like my throat is constricted and I am being held down. Self-doubt feels like heavy rocks placed on my body to keep me from rising up.
But no more. I am rising up. I'm giving voice to the Truth I see so clearly! Let mocking and invalidation be the green light to move forward and continue speaking more of what we have been mocked and invalidated for.
- Mocking is blocking. Mocking is a technique someone uses to attempt to block truth from becoming visible.
- Mocking is the trademark of sociopaths and narcissistic abusers. Mocking is confirmation you have just spoken a truth so powerful, the person wants to silence, unbalance, humiliate, put self doubt in you and convince you, you are crazy, so you do not continue to give anyone the words you have just spoken.
- Mocking is the practice of someone creating a dishonest emotional environment and reality in order to have witnesses that you are, indeed, a problem.
- Mockers will pretend that what you say never happened so that they can continue to behave in ways which are dishonest and abusive.
- Mocking is the confirmation you have just spoken truth. It means the person you have spoken it to wants it diverted, avoided and covered up. They have witnessed you in your strength, seeing and speaking truth and want to shut you up, so their deception remains hidden.
Truth is powerful. It often triggers others into attempting to shut you down, as they place self-doubt in you and convince others in your environment you are crazy. Sometimes I have felt this pressure in my body. It feels like I'm buried under a pile of heavy rocks that have been thrown on top of me.
Self-doubt will hold you down, as if you are pinned down by heavy rocks. Speaking the truth and believing in yourself gives you the strength and courage to rise up by breaking the lies.
Truth breaks the cement of lies which currently holds the system together.
Gaslighting is the cement used to create a false reality. Predators use clever tricks to manuevre you into believing lies about yourself and your environment.
Abusers prey on the vulnerable, making you feel upside down and backwards. Self-doubt causes you to feel disoriented. They use your tendency toward self-doubt to create confusion which leads to inertia.
The more we seek Truth, the clearer our vision becomes, leading to health, strength and freedom. Once you see the Truth and begin to speak, that's when they begin to threaten you, to discredit you, and to portray you as psychologically unsound. At the same time, they minimize or deny their abusive behavior.
The narcissistic and sociopath abuse system has been normalized and integrated into our environment. When we wake up to the mechanics of how abuse works we know truth, and the truth sets us free.
This system of narcissistic abuse and sociopathy pulls us away from our true selves. Our souls are yearning to be set free. This is the call to freedom. The current system is an emotional/psychological subjugation system.
This is what narcissistic abusers and sociopaths do. Through passive-aggression they enslave us into believing we have to obey their lies as truth or the consequence of disobedience is we will be slandered as insane, shunned and rejected, lose our comforts and support. This is their game.
Playing a different game requires showing up in a way which declares, I see you and know you exist, and I no longer bow to you or this system.
Their weapons are mockery, invalidation, humiliation, threats, and slander. We reclaim our souls by using superior weapons: Honor, validation, listening, speaking truth, and laying down our lives for each other.
I am a seer and a speaker. I am no longer silent or silenced. My true role, the authentic contribution I have to make, is to reveal the lies, which means seeing and speaking the truth of what is happening. My truth breaks down the invisible wall of lies.
We are all here to soar, to be in our power, strength and magnificence together. We help raise each other us by reminding each other of how powerful and magnificent we are.
I am an eagle – one who soars high and has eagle eyes. In the absence of self-doubt, I am free to fly!
We soar together as we practice speaking the truth to each other, honoring one another, listening to one another from our heart, validating one another, and respecting our differences.
Our weapons are far superior, and now "The Game" has been changed! Our abusers are on the run!
— Jennifer Jacobson
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
Wayland, thank you for your words of support and encouragement.
Sue, thanks for these words of wisdom. Returning to the basics, has been a gift for me too.
Hi Sue, yes, the rage. This is currently what I find surfacing with much intensity more recently. I also notice it may be part of the mental cloudiness I have bouts of too. I have discovered what was being called by others as my "problem" and many other untruths were my attempts to practice strength and personal responsibility. I am still attempting to turn my life around, have this be my practice and stand by it, no matter what others are saying. The rage, I am discovering can be a deterrent for me moving forward as I feel ashamed of it and fearful if others see it, will use it against me.
Your insights are deep and true, Jennifer. I, too, have found practicing strength and personal responsibility or empowerment to dislodge others around me. They prefer the submissive, quiet, cooperative, do as you’re told Sue – even the ones who say they are encouraging me to think freely and act in a personally empowering way – even those, when it comes to be exercising my will – when it is different than how they see issues – will attempt to coerce me to agree with them and behave as they see fit.
I don’t yet fully understand how this operates, but the principle seems to be that the more we seek our own freedom and fullness by following the Light of God’s Love, Beauty, and Truth – the more Resistance attempts to surround us, like wolves in the deep forest. These wolves find openings wherever people have weaknesses – or what some call sin – and they can operate through normally good and kind people.
For example, if a person is basically a good person but their weakness is pride (which we all have to deal with, to one extent or another) the wolves can use that gap in their armor to infiltrate their being, causing them to say and do thing they know will deter us, that will knock us off the straight and narrow path that leads to life.
The rage, for me, is sometimes a fuel to keep pushing against the resistance. “I will publish my book!” is usually the most common result. “I will not be silent!” or “I will tell my story!” are other ways I express that rage. And sometimes I scream. It seems there needs to be a physical release, too.
Can you measure the injustice?????????? If you’re like me, it’s heaped so high it seems to fill the sky!
So I return to the basics… of gratitude, silence in God’s presence, solitude, and writing. And I become still, and suddenly the sky clears and the mountain is removed.
It seems magical. And it is, indeed, a magical life. A sacred path, this is… this path to life.
I really like how you call it a “practice” Jennifer – you have so much wisdom and I really love to hear you speak!
Glad to see you are still writing. Powerful article. Keep up the good fight.
Yes, indeed! It takes so much courage to face adversity, spread your wings (faith), and fly into the unknown. Jennifer, you are inspiring – thanks for sharing your heart!
It's in the writing that we set ourselves free, and I can feel your liberty…
I wonder, as this thought arises to my mind here… have you also felt rage? Rage at the atrocities and injustices you've endured?
It took me awhile – years – to feel the rage. I had repressed so much, buried under my "nice girl" mentality.
It's just a thought that came to mind just now…