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Grandma Died Still Teaching Me Lessons
From the series, "Write to Freedom – Mini Memoir eCourse"
Life Story Writing Tip: None of enjoy bad news, but our response to bad news can lead to our greatest life transformation. In today's story, Carla Gardiner shows us how, telling her story through the inner camera lens of her relationship with her grandma groomed her to become an entrepreneurial business woman in her adult years. Also, notice how sprinkling a few family photos throughout her story enhances her story!
Day 35 Activation: using Carla's story below as an example, can you think of how you have been groomed by your grandparents (or other relatives, friends, teachers, etc) to become who you are today? Do you have mentors who have helped you through pivotal moments? These are great stories to add to your mini memoir!
Do you find the lessons in life's difficult situations?
Life has a funny way of teaching us lessons. Have you ever found yourself just floating along, minding your own business and BAM! Out of nowhere something or someone comes along and snaps you back into reality? That is what happened to me a few years back.
I have always been close with my grandma on my mother’s side. It all started back when I was a little girl. My hometown, where I live today, did not offer kindergarten to its residents. My parents wanted me to be able to attend so they sent me to live with Grandma deVore. In a town even smaller than Red Bluff, Vina had a school that offered kindergarten. Since my grandma was the high school cook, she had an insider’s knowledge of the class.
Being the oldest of five kids, it was not hard for me to leave my home. Grandma treated me like a little princess and I got one on one attention, too. Mrs. Krause, my kindergarten teacher was the one that taught me the lesson about not stealing somebody else's things. Do you remember the ring I took from the little girl?
A year ~ living with grandma
During that year, my grandma and I developed a very close relationship. She treated me like a miniature grownup. I helped her cook our meals, work in the yard and go to the grocery store. My uncle had purchased a console stereo, very nice for that time-period. Grandma deVore did not allow anyone but herself to put the LP records on it and play it…except me! That was such a privilege. I have never forgotten that stereo and how proud I was to be able to place those plastic discs onto it.
Friday nights were not a particularly happy time for me. After my grandma got off work, she packed my suitcase and we drove to my parent’s home. I would spend the weekend with them and my siblings for family time. Sunday evening grandma would return and back to her home, we would go.
On the way back home Friday night though, we would stop off at Minch’s Meat Market and Slaughter House. This is where her high school employer purchased the fresh meat for my grandma to cook. The woman behind the counter, Joyce was so kind. She always had a Tootsie Pop for me for being such a good helper. I always looked forward to visiting the meat shop before we headed to my home.
Lessons to last a lifetime
That year has held memories for me my whole life. Grandma deVore molded my entrepreneur mentality that year. Working beside her to help grandpa start up the root stock vineyard showed me how to be proud of your work. It also helped me to learn that it takes work, dedication and an attitude of “I am not giving up, no matter what it takes”.
As I grew up during those years after returning to live with my parents, I continued in my grandma and grandpa’s footsteps. Always having plenty of work to do outside of my chores at home, I was able to buy my first stereo. Although it was a portable one, it was all mine.
The relationships I formed would teach me how to treat others while building my own business in auto transport years later.
When the tables turn can you find the lesson to learn?
It is time to admit you need help…
The opportunity came years later to repay my grandma for all of her love, sacrifice and guidance. My husband and I brought grandma to live with us in her time of need. Even though she would never admit it, the time had come when she really needed to have someone with her. She still had her senses about her, she was still mobile, but she just needed a companion…in case.
Moving grandma into our home was a HUGE adjustment for all of us. Have you ever had to reverse the roll of caretaker with one of your elderly relatives? My word, it is difficult to say the least, thank goodness for LOVE.
In grandma’s mind, I was still that little five-year-old girl. Indeed, she was still my grandma and I respected her for that role in my life. However, she needed guidance to remember what she needed to do to take care of herself. I must give her credit; she humbled herself every day and did not complain when I urged her to drink just one more glass of water and take her vitamins.
Last softball season…
My husband loves to play softball on the local men's league. During the spring grandma and I would pack our lawn chairs, water bottles and snacks into the car. Driving to the softball field she loved to just gaze at the wide open fields and reminisce. Soon we arrived at the field and then worked our way up the hill to find our favorite spot on the grass to watch the game. Looking back, I feel so badly at how I treated her with such impatience that day.
After just getting settled in, she had to use the facilities. I guided her gently down the sloping hill to the girls room. She handled that trip just fine. However, on the return trip she started slowing down, her breath was nothing more than short gasps for air. I kept encouraging her to take one more step. Finally, we made our way back to our seats, she regained her breath and we continued watching the ballgame.
She really enjoyed talking with the guys after the game. Recapping each play, she was sharp as a tack it was as if she were right down there on the field with them. The ballplayers really loved having a fan like my grandma, too.
Signs of trouble ahead…
That night we had our first sign of real trouble. After she had scurried off to bed, we noticed she was sitting up. We encouraged her to lie down because she needed her rest. She tried so hard to comply with our request. Her body would not cooperate. She could not breathe when she laid flat. We made her comfortable in the big recliner and covered her with a blanket. I knew it was time to have the dreaded talk with her.
The next morning it was time; the day had come when I knew I had to insist she allow me to take her to the doctor. She had only been to the medical doctor four times in her 90 years! She said that is why she lived so long! I arranged to take time off work to drive her to her appointment. My job was not real understanding of my role in grandma’s care, but it did not matter she was my priority now.
The outcome of the doctor’s visit was not what either of us wanted to hear. Her body was full of fluid, congestive heart failure. He would administer medication to rid her body of the excess water, however there would be no way I could give her the round the clock care she would need. She was refusing to go and it was up to me to convince her, for her own good, she must allow me to check her into the hospital.
We promised her it would only be for a few days at the most. Overnight she returned to her normal body size. It was amazing how the skin and muscle reacted to the water leaving her taxed body. She felt amazing, she was joking with the nurses, walking the halls and having a grand time. She was even sharing stories and her vitamins with the nurses. She told them they needed to talk with her grand-daughter and buy some.
We had an amazing visit that night after work, reminiscing, telling stories and the like. We learned more about life, business and what is important in life in one evening than most people do in a lifetime.
Supervisor should be coached…
The next day at work, a personal phone call came in for me. The bank was not so keen on employees receiving personal phone calls regardless of the reason. The nurse at the nurses station told me to come right away, grandma was failing.
Asking my supervisor for permission to leave she denied the request. I pleaded my case, but she firmly refused. There was no time in my mind for negotiations. I told her I was leaving. I explained that I understood if she had to fire me, but I was going to my grandma’s side.
Test of courage and strength…
As I arrived at the hospital, I took a deep breath while walking down the long corridor. There was no time to be sobbing; I had to be strong for grandma, to encourage her to be strong just like she had done for me when I was growing up. She was sleeping when I walked into the room and the nurses motioned for me to come into the hallway to talk.
The doctor, a friend of mine, came to tell me that grandma would pass away quietly. She would simply stop breathing. I was so thankful my friend was there. In spite of hospital protocol and professional image, he just held me as I sobbed in disbelief. He comforted me with the thought that she would just go to sleep, no pain at all.
My Grandma deVore valued her family more than all the gold in the hills. It was important that we were by her side now. As I sat holding her hand, I whispered stories that I remembered from that year together, when I was in kindergarten. Sometimes I laughed and sometimes I cried.
For two hours, I stroked her hands and just talked. I had sent an urgent message to my mom, her brothers and my family to come, quick. Then with one squeeze of her hand, her final gift to me ~ slipping peacefully into the sleep like state, grandma died.
As the tears fell down my cheeks, I said my goodbyes. Mom arrived too late to say goodbye to her mom and I left the room to allow her some private time. As family trickled in, I found myself in a numbed state. I went to the lounge to call my daughter to give her the sad news about her great grandma.
Then the unimaginable happened. My supervisor called for me using the nurses’ station phone line. She asked me the status and requested I return to work. Can you imagine ~ the gall?
What would I do with the coaching grandma gave…
The lesson I learned through that sordid mess with my supervisor was it is possible to do what is right if you want to. To keep your priorities straight will give you a sense of peace. I was able to grieve grandma’s passing easier than in past deaths in the family. I totally shut down for three days while my grief took its toll. Even though I could not prevent her passing, I was there for her, holding her hand as she took her last breath. Ultimately, family is more important than any job, period.
Can you imagine how she would have felt if I had chosen my job over her in her time of need? I do not know about you, but I do not ever want to imagine that. Now I know why grandma taught me how to work. She was coaching me. She saw something in me even at a young age. My grandma saw a leader, a business owner who was capable of coaching others in business. Someone able to lift them up instead of working as a puppet with no emotion, heart or common sense.
My hope for each one of you is this. Maybe my grandma and her lessons can help coach you on to the greatness within you. With full permission take these stories, share them with your family and friends. Everyone needs a grandma and the coaching they give to the families across the globe that they love so intently.
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
What an amazing story Carla, and told so beautifully! Thank you for sharing with us!
Always, always so nice to read stories of people; how they went through challenging seasons and to see how they dealt with it. Thank you for being so open Carla and thank you for posting it Susan!
Carla, thank you for reminding me of my “Nanny” (grandma). I think of the gifts of encouragement and courage she gave me.
Grandmothers are special… and you’re a grandmother, too, Linda?
You did a beautiful job sharing my living legacy, Susan. Thank you for such a great gift to share with our family, friends and those who want to get to know us better. Creating a Living Legacy is simple, elegant and fun…oh, the memories.
I’m so glad you found it fun, Carla … and now with more photos, we’ll be able to put this into a gorgeous book for your family to enjoy! Thank you for the honor of partnering in this project with you!
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