Does A Sociopath Have A Heart
By: Susan Deborah Schiller
From the series, "Understanding Sociopaths & Abuse Tactics"
A reader asked me, "does a sociopath have a heart"? In other words, is there ANY HOPE at all that they might change and become "real".
I do know of extremely abusive people, even criminals, who have completely changed and are headed in the opposite direction. Graham Cooke, one of the wisest and kindest men on earth today, was raised in a family of professional criminals.
Only God can change a person's heart. You can be severely hurt if you attempt to help a sociopath to change. Not only that, but you can get in God's way!
The best way to help, is to expose what is happening.
Statistically, less than 5% of people with sociopathic behavior will change. The majority will continue to abuse the people around them, and an ever-expanding ripple effect of damage occurs, overlapping in many cases, causing victims to experience wounding on top of wounding, along with a sense of despair. It's heavy psychological damage… a ripping and tearing open of our hearts.
The kingdom of God is within us. In John 14, Jesus explains that our Father has come to make His home in us and that our bodies are His temple.
Home is at the very core of our being… a safe place… a place of unconditional love and acceptance. No wonder it's the very place a sociopath wants to destroy!
We are fearsomely and wonderfully made. We are created in God's image, and He inhabits us in the form of "Spirit". A sociopath's primary target is our heart. His weapon of choice is words: tearing you down, diminishing your talents and gifts, slandering you, accusing you, making you feel worthless. Worse, through repetition he will WEAR YOU DOWN while attempting to subjugate you. He will NEVER GIVE UP unless he finds a better prey.
A sociopath has become so hardened that he cannot empathize with you – not one little bit. So you cannot appeal to his conscience or help him to understand your feelings.
Here's what I observed, using one story (there are dozens more, just like this one):
My husband (who my marriage counselors told was likely a sociopath) was feeling discouraged. After so many years of being his sole caregiver, 24/7, following a spinal cord injury, I was used to being attentive to his every mood change. He was experiencing what he, himself, called a "mental breakdown". But this "mental breakdown" was something that would often come on suddenly and then eventually disappear without any intervention.
This is how he described it, and I recorded it in my diary: "Something came into my body and pushed me far down. It took over my hands and feet and tried to use the steering wheel to drive my truck off the cliff. I was barely able to get back control of my body."
I have watched his body change as this being, which I believe was a demon, entered his body. It began with shaking in his extremities. His arms and legs would tremble, getting more and more violent, as his emotions went beserk. It would take several hours of calming him down for him to return to "normal" – but normal was still a very unstable state.
Sometimes, during the onset of these symptoms, he would grab a gun and threaten to take his own life. This happened a lot. He refused to get help, but instead, relied upon certain church leaders to pray for him.
He became more stable, with prayer, but in a more devious way. He didn't have the "breakdowns" as much but he began experiencing delusions of grandeur, which he kept under control very well while others were around, but which were blatant with me. For example, he would vehemently attempt to persuade me of how special he was – how he was not an "ordinary man" any more. He persistently explained that he and Jesus had a PHYSICAL relationship and that he was one of the SPECIAL people who got to walk and talk with him in physical form, just like the disciples did in Bible days.
No one saw this side and how deep it went, except me. His "power" to do signs, wonders, and miracles opened doors of ministry to him all over the country. I tried to suggest to the church leaders who were hosting him that our marriage was falling apart and that it might be better to postpone the events, but no one – not a single person in that group – was interested in hearing what I had to share, except for a few close friends, counselors, and ministry leaders.
Here's why I believe a sociopath does have a heart, at least in some cases, in his own words:
"Sue, you're the only person in my whole life who has ever gotten behind the wall. I don't know how you did it and I hate you for it. I hate all women, but I hate you the most because you got behind my wall and you've seen me. No one else has ever seen me."
To provide context, he spoke these words while driving erratically on a country road. He was speeding and then jumping on the brakes, trying to terrorize me both with his words and with the dangerous driving. There was a recent time, just prior to that incident, when he was driving over 65-mph and suddenly did a 180 degree, and my head crashed into the passenger window, which caused severe neck pain for awhile. So I had reason to be afraid. We made it to our destination safely, but the tension was palapable. It was pure psychological terrorism.
He was "out of his mind" for several hours; but it was still within his control. We met up with the ranch owners, who suddenly drove in unexpectedly, right in the middle of one of his "breakdowns". Within seconds I watched my husband jump out, before they could see him in that state, and immediately he was grinning his old "happy go lucky cowboy" grin!
It was like the Twilight Zone, for me, because I watched the ranch owners (very astute and discerning people) laughing right along with my husband. He was "normal" all of the sudden. No one ever suspected what my husband was like behind closed doors.
He fell for the enemy's plot to give him "protection" through the wall around his heart, like a bank vault. He traded his soul, I believe, for this dark "safe place" which took over and possessed his body…. not full-time, at first.
Insecurity, I believe, along with low self-esteem and a history of sexual molestation is the primary factor in provoking this type of abuse.
TRUST is the opposite of insecurity and it unlocks the vault that "protects" their hearts. It's their only chance, I believe.
I fear for their souls, but I believe they have hearts. As I write this I weep for their souls, because most of them began experiencing demonic "help" from the time they were little children, even toddlers. Such was the case with my (ex)husband.
If we as the Body of Christ can WAKE UP and recognize the DANGER we are putting the sociopaths in by HIDING and DENYING the reality of what is really happening… we might be able to save so many more souls!
You see, I love him more… love exposes darkness, like a doctor who exposes cancer cells and exposes those cells to radiation. The Light of Christ is the spirit of Truth, and truth is as radiation to cancer – it forces darkness to be eradicated.
Love does not cover up evil for fear of being seen as "critical" or "bitter".
Love tenderly but firmly exposes.
Love holds the Light to the dark core of evil that threatens the heart of the family – the backbone of society.
As always, I encourage you to receive this simply as my own personal life story and not as health advice. I encourage you to seek professional help, if you wish.
I'm very interested in hearing your stories, your thoughts and observations. Family is the backbone of society… together we can help restore the family by listening to each others stories and learning from each other!
With all my love,
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