Finding Validation: Ding, Dong, the Wicked Witch is Dead!
By: Susan Deborah Schiller
From the series, "Diary of a Battered Preacher's Wife"
Introduction: I was once called "the most abused wife" my counselors had ever met. I was married to not one, but two sociopaths. The first marriage lasted 20 years; the second, nearly 10 years. Both of of my abusers are ministers. Friends have asked me to share the story of how God helped a preacher's wife escape to freedom. The escape route is recorded within 83 diary entries, and I am sharing one diary entry per day.. This is not a step-by-step blue print of how to escape a sociopath. But I will provide links within each diary, if you wish to receive specific information.
Trigger Alert: These diaries are the raw, uncensored heart cry of a woman ravaged by rabid religious beasts who is ministered to by her friends. She finds love, acceptance, and begins to reinvent her life. By the end of the story, she has turned from a timid mouse into a roaring lioness. If God can do this for me, He can definitely do it for YOU!
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Note from the Future: Nearly every day I receive emails from women who tell me that my stories have validated them in ways that most people are unable to do, so that's the reason I write. Surviving a sociopathic relationship is unlike anything typical marriage counseling prepares you for, and the worst part is being misunderstood by good people with good intentions who inadvertently re-traumatize you with inappropriate counsel.
For those of us who have survived sociopathic relationships, we know the value of validation. Most of the time the only people who truly understand are the ones who have experienced the same pathological behavior in our partners.
December 22, 2011
It's over! Ding, dong the witch is dead… the wicked witch is dead! So goes the song from the wizard of Oz, a man who knew how to construct a great facade!
R was exposed as an "EXTREME LIAR" by ministry people back in Chicago. Here's what a friend in Chicago said:
I just wanted to tell you how good it was to talk with you and the confirmation I received for the things I was told. Funny how things work out when we just open our ears to hear. I have a new respect for you having survived a marriage with R. No matter what lies were told the truth will always be unveiled. I hope one day you will again pass this way it will be good to see you again. Be so Blessed Susan and know my daughter and I love you.
She told me how she and R (my ex) were friends… how he tried to move in next door to her, how he tried to get her to have an intimate relationship with him… how she told him in no uncertain terms to stay away from her and her daughter… how he ignored her and put a deposit down on the house next door to her anyway… how she confronted him on that and he twisted and turned it around to make her feel crazy, that she was the one who misunderstood… he was so confident that she would be happy he was moving in next door!
She confronted him and told him that even if he wasn't married that he was the opposite of the man she would be interested in.
She told me that he kept changing his story about me and several of his stories contradicted his other stories! So she had a friend of hers, a counselor, question him and the same thing… he kept switching his stories…. but he never noticed that his lies were being exposed… they had to confront him on it.
My friend told me that in all her years of working with inmates (prison ministry) she had met a lot of liars but never before had she encountered a liar as EXTREME as R!
This woman has set me free! Her telling the truth about R removed that dark cloud hanging over my head.
And the best part is that I didn't have to expose it myself… no defense on my part… all I had to do was agree these people were correct in what they were seeing. She told me that I was simply confirming what she was already seeing and hearing.
I feel like I can close the book now and move on!
Dance and sing, daughters of Zion!
Your time of tribulation is about to end. You have all you need… it's in Him. Greater is He that is in you than these cunning psychopaths!
True Love Prevails.
The Truth will expose all darkness, even if it takes time… while we hide ourselves in the Shelter of the Most High and trust Him because He is Good.
Dance and sing, even when you don't want to. I still have to push myself to overcome depression and oppression.
I declare, I am part of a Royal Family of whom Jesus is the firstborn. I cam called, chosen, justified, and glorified. No one can hurt me without first going thru my Big Brother. No one can bring a charge against me because God justifies me. No one can separate me from God because His love holds me securely. Homelessness and poverty are forever defeated.
I am God's Royal Daughter, sharing Jesus' inheritance. He gave me His level of authority, too. The mention of my name sends demons packing, running for their lives in fear. I expose darkness because God's glory SHINES thru me. Heaven invades earth with my smile. I smile at my enemies and they shake. I laugh at my problems and Heaven comes rushing in.
My Son-conscious mind creates a new reality all around me. I breathe the air of innocence and freedom. I was born to live like this: not even a sinful thought. Pure Joy. For all eternity…..
I can declare these truths because Jesus lives within me and he defeated the greatest enemy of all of us and he overcame the world… therefore, I can too!
I began saturating my mind with these truths, even when it didn't sound truthful to me… and I still have so much further to go, but I will not stop.
I will go public still… but in God's wake, following wherever He goes. A new level of truth just came out of this trying period of my life.
And that is why I feel I can say this with confidence before you dear sisters who have endured so much of the same agony… that God is for us, so who can be against us?
It is my prayer that in each of our situations you will experience deliverance just like I did last evening! It's my prayer that you see the Light and not focus on the darkness. don't let these predators have any precious brain space! Don't let them have access to your heart.
Trust your children with God, even if they are in the predator's custody.
I have done this, and you can't imagine the twisting of the knife in my heart this caused. But God redeemed it all!!!!!! Everything!!!!!
I have screamed in pain till I lost my voice… I've cried buckets of tears… over my children and the lies they were fed, reinforced by his family….
But I say this to encourage someone in here… that nothing will be lost! All will be restored in full to you… better than it would have been had this pain not existed. God is a God of Justice! And Mercy! And Grace!
Your job is to be HAPPY! Yes, to be happy!
That's what my counselors told me, 10-years ago…. your happiness is changing your reality! And you are creating a brand new family tree.
It takes time for a tree to grow. Be patient. Let the tears flow… but sing and dance through the tears.
Sing the Psalms. Dancing… even if all you can do is move your toes inside your shoes.
Do the opposite of what you feel like doing!
If you feel depressed, smile. And look in the mirror and smile. Hug yourself…. pat your arm and tell yourself you're going to take better care of YOU!
Guard your precious heart. Take action on those negative thoughts and move in the opposite direction of those thoughts.
God has your back…. He has your kids…. He has your finances and your home.
This year I have been homeless, even as low as living in a hayfield. I have been broken down in the middle of a desert, twice. I have been alone, betrayed, abandoned, rejected, slandered, tricked, and much more. I could write a book just about the last 6-mos… and it would mainly be about my lack of faith, my utter lack of faith… falling down and unable to get back up on my feet… but God picked me up when I had no faith left and He carried me… gave me a job, gave me a home, gave me friends, blessed me with three kids and two grandchildren who love me dearly…. I am the world's wealthiest woman! And I am joyful… making a choice to be happy.
With this post I want to put my arms around you and let you know it will all be okay…. your tears are counted by your Father, not one tear is lost… and it's all being collected and turned into something beautiful you will treasure forever.
Ding, Dong, the Wicked Witch is Dead!
Note from the future: I am supplying explanations and observations from the "future me" – who I am today – which will explain what you are hearing in this story. Join me below for an up to date discussion, if you wish!
With all my love,
Sue
Susan Schiller knows how it feels to lose everything: marriage and family, church and reputation, finances and businesses, and more. Susan's upcoming, interactive memoir, "On the Way Home," tells the story of how she came to be known as "the most abused woman" her counselors had yet met and how she learned to navigate her way out of hell to a rich and satisfying life. In her lifetime, Susan has served in duties ranging from home school mom – to pastor – to full-time deliverance minister – and to Midwest regional prayer coordinator for a large international ministry. These days you can usually find Susan soaking in her favorite hot springs pool, reading a book (or several), blogging, baking bread, or hanging out with her family and friends. You can pre-order a free copy of Susan's upcoming book, "On the Way Home" by registering here.
Copyright 2014, Susan Schiller, http://TeamFamilyOnline.com. For reprint permission for any private or commercial use, in any form of media, please contact Susan Schiller.
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