Letter to An Abusive Husband: A Definition of Divorce

By: Kimberly Dimick

The following is a letter written to an abusive husband about marriage and divorce, based on study of God's Word. Specifically, we are going to take a look at abandonment, emotional divorce and separation.

Strong's Number: 7971

Transliterated Word


Phonetic Spelling





To send, send away, let go, stretch out

to send to stretch out, extend, direct

to send away

to let loose

to send off or away or out or forth, dismiss, give over, cast out

to let go, set free

to shoot forth (of branches)

to let down


Strong's Number: 630

Original Word Word Origin

apoluo from (575) and (3089)

Transliterated Word


Phonetic Spelling



Definition: to let go, dismiss, (to detain no longer)


a petitioner to whom liberty to depart is given by a decisive answer

to bid depart, send away

used of divorce, to dismiss from the house, to repudiate. to send one's self away, to depart


apo'(root word)


Definition: of separation

 of local separation, after verbs of motion from a place i.e. of departing, of fleeing, …

of separation of a part from the whole

where of a whole some part is taken

of any kind of separation of one thing from another by which the union or fellowship of the two is destroyed

of a state of separation, that is of distance


Luo (root word)

Phonetic Spelling



Definition: of a husband and wife joined together by the bond of matrimony


Do these Hebrew and Greek definitions of the word divorce make it clear?  Every time you have pushed your wife away you have, by your actions, divorced her.

Every time you have dismissed her you have divorced her. The simple straightforward understanding here, then, is that your wife is not divorcing you –  she is only giving a corresponding response to your actions of divorcing her.

Divorce is a VERB

Divorce does just not show up out of nowhere. It is deliberate choices and actions on your part NOT to connect and bring your wife NEAR.

This is ONE FLESH. How can you divide something or divorce something that is ONE?

That is why it is something that is VIOLENT to the one YOU are tearing yourself apart from.

Here are synonyms of the word divorce: to dissociate, divide, disconnect, split, disjoin, total separation; disunion: a divorce between thought and action, to separate; cut off.

Your thoughts about yourself automatically produce actions that keep you joined only to yourself.

If your thoughts are divorced from your actions toward her then the marriage is devoid of any connection and thus unmet desire and needs for her.

The opposite is when your thoughts and actions are MARRIED together and are about HER then your attention, devotion, acts of giving are directed toward and connected to meeting her needs.

Here are the opposite words or antonyms of divorce: combination, connection, solution, unification

Here are words that are the opposite of divorce and dissolution: beginning, commencement, construction, start.

Interestingly…these opposite words of divorce and their synonyms are exactly what I teach.

They are words that denote INITIATION: to take the initiative, to give into, to commence, to go FIRST, to start, to begin, to create, to be the source of.

I believe it is clear that even at a cursory glance God knows what He is talking about.

God's CREATION ACTS in the Garden are wrought with His original design of marriage.

What your ideas of marriage are, sir, are NOTHING like God's.

The question is not: "Why would she divorce me?" but "Why have I divorced her, sent her away, cut her off and disconnected from intimacy and one flesh union?"

Considering that the word for desire in Genesis means: a craving, a yearning, a reaching out to CONNECT to her husband gives insight into God's creative and deliberate act of putting this heart in a WOMAN.

Because you have disconnected, OR divorced her, you have not fulfilled by thought, word and deed a reaching back toward her heart to CONNECT and thus have put her under a CURSE.

Her desire shall be FOR HIM and HE SHALL RULE OVER HER.

This Scripture of ruling is the CURSE part of that verse.

How does a husband RULE OVER her?

By his refusal to connect to his wife and so fulfill that desire God put within her.

His refusal to enjoin to her and make sure ALL of her desire is met she now feels that her emotional being is ruled over by distrust, disinterest, abandoned, distraught, rejected, alone, broken, frightened, weakened, unloved.

Jesus Christ, a Bridegroom came to re-CONNECT or MARRY His Creation. He became a CURSE FOR HIS BRIDE, so that there could be a RELATIONSHIP. A relationship in which the Bride's needs and desires would be freely given to her. She would not earn it or be called upon to meet any expectations of its requirements.

This relationship IS called a COVENANT.

Biblical COVENANT is entered into by a decision, and the one who initiated such has the onus of responsibility to uphold it regardless of the others ability to keep it. To solidify the Covenant agreement someone must die, and blood is shed to seal it. It is irrevocable.

Jesus died and shed his blood for you to enter into such a New Testament or COvenant.

A husband enters into that Marriage Covenant by dying to himself, and breaking her hymen provides the blood that is shed that consummates the agreement.

Your part has entered into with full agreement by having witnesses and spoken with promises or a vow to keep to keep it.

You have NOT kept this COVENANT. You have disregarded its requirements and responsibilities to keep it in effect.

It is the Bridegroom's responsibility to be the keeper of the Marriage Covenant. He is to guard it and watch over it. Since he initiated it. He is responsible to keep it in effect.

Much like Jesus Christ IS the Mediator of the Covenant for His Bride.

YOU did this and broke TRUST with the wife of your youth by treating her treacherously and throwing a garment of violence over yourself.

Because YOU did this God hates that YOU DIVORCED (DISCONNECTED) from HER in such a way (Malachi).

NOW do you understand?

IF you want to instead LOVE your wife, give your life for her and move forward, sir; you MUST die to yourself and meet the requirements (commands) Paul instructed in Ephesians 5.

Dying to SELF is nothing more than telling yourself that YOU NO LONGER EXIST.

Not your feelings, wants, rights or anything.

You DIE to SELF and LIVE for a BRIDE.



PS  For more wisdom from Kimberly Dimick, please click here :)

Kimberly Dimick and her husband, Joshua Dimick, know how it feels to lose everything: marriage and family, church and reputation, finances and careers, and so much more. Together and separately they have walked the path of Love, a narrow path, a path that is lonely and not well-used. They know the soul-shattering pain of separation and divorce and the know "The Way Home" to a life of choosing unconditional love.

The surprising answers to a happy marriage are shared in her posts, articles, and her book-in-progress. As you venture on this journey with Kimberly you will experience how God shines His most brilliant light in her darkest hours. Today her mission is to provide a voice to women suffering in silence, shining the Light of Truth into the dark places. As you journey with Kimberly you will witness a true life transformation that will shatter the misinformation and lies commonly fed to women that keep them in false submission.

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