Create Your Own Jail Break

Create Your Own Jail Break

By: Susan Deborah Schiller 

Standing up to Sociopaths – A Collection of Essays

Today's write to freedom activation will show you how to tell a story that will break a prisoner's chains. Storytelling, at an empathetic level, with a little bit of informal education about real evil, can arm ordinary people to rise up and cure the systemic abuse of the weak and vulnerable. 

Telling your story is important, on many levels. The first is for your own freedom. The second is because it lights up the darkness around you. The third is that your story becomes a portal for Heaven to invade the darkness on planet earth, creating beauty out of chaos.

Today I paint a picture of reality for many abuse survivors of socipathic or narcissistic abuse. These are people suffering behind closed doors. Even their closest friends and family cannot fathom the depth of suffering they experience daily. 

The first reality we face is the danger of depending on government support, church support, or legal support.

All of these systems are FAILING the victims of sociopathic abuse. Not just falling short, no – but BLAMING THE VICTIMS and further traumatizing the victims!

This is the ultimate offense: Your abuser gets to watch you suffer, if you pursue this natural, logical route!

The hurt escalates because it's empowered by nice people who don't really want to know there is such evil in our communities, churches, and homes. Because they don't know what to do, they often do nothing. Their silence makes them an accomplice to evil's crimes.

Let's take a peek inside my own home, a few years ago. My abuser, an interant evangelist, used to regularly take me for middle-of-the-night interrogations within our own home. One day he told me, "Sue, I'm not going to divorce you. I just want to watch you suffer!"

Through a smear campaign, he had already isolated me from most of our ministry friends. That's the first step in a sociopathic/narcissistic abuse pattern that is predictable in nearly every case.

There is nothing you can do to save yourself. It's going to feel like a free spin into hell, and it is. Your reputation will likely be muddied if not ruined and you will be stripped of everything, and in some cases, you may end up dead if you speak up. Two of my friends are dead today, as a direct result of speaking up about abuse. My own life was threatened many times, in graphic detail.

Nevertheless, LOVE WINS!

It's possible to break the chains gaslighting, smear campaigns, and the reign of terror a sociopath creates. It's possible to survive the aftermath and to live an even better life than before. It takes facing reality, and that's the purpose of this little story. 

The first step out is to face reality. We don't see what we don't want to see. We do see what we want to see. Our perception is motivated, in most cases, my fear and shame.

We don't want to be dysfunctional, so we choose to perceive our reality as functional. We choose not to see the red flags. Every single survivor of sociopathic abuse has told me the same story, "I saw the red flags but I ignored them, choosing to see only the really good things about him." 

Church and community groom us to be the perfect prey, calling it being "good girls" and "nice girls". 

Being and acting nice doesn't change our reality. It doesn't help us or anyone else. We need eyes to see as God sees. We need to hear, feel, and take the actions He is guiding us to do. This is facing reality. This is the reality we need. It's TRUTH that sets us FREE.

We have scars. To our very core, our whole internal and external world has been shaken. Nevertheless, our wounds become windows for the glory of God to shine through.

Many psychiatrists and therapists tell us we have complex post-traumatic stress syndrome. Most of us also suffer physical ailments of all kinds: auto-immune diseases, fibromyalgia, cancer, chronic fatigue, and so on. We are told the medical field can't cure most of these effects.

In God's perspective, it's only half the story. I am healing and I know of other women who are healing, as well, and even becoming stronger than we were before.

Here are three examples of survivors facing reality:

  1. A reader wrote to me a few days ago saying she was getting excellent counseling from her therapist, but when it came to the sociopath in her life, she sensed her therapist didn't know how to deal with it, so she kept that part of her story back. Listening to our stories and telling her own has given her the voice that she's unable to use with others, even professionals.
  2. Another survivor told me that she had been to excellent doctors and counselors but NONE of them was able to help her! She began sharing her story and re-engaging in self-care and she's getting her life back!
  3. Another survivor confessed to me this week that she can BARELY BREATHE due to the stess level and that she's tempted to push the terminate button. She has millions of dollars but no one is able to reach her to that degree of HELL she is in. As of today, she is healing, whole, and happy. She's telling a new story, now, and living a new life story chapter she always hoped might come true.
  4. Another survivor, after exchanging dozens of emails with me, sharing her story, told me that she's on the other side – she's out of the darkness and walking in the Light.

What did people do before we had such an extensive medical businesses? They sat together, ate together, and listened to each others stories.

We're breaking the Shame Barrier! We are Letting our Light Shine by Speaking our Truth. We are no longer silent.

There is tremendous power in storytelling! With each "me, too" the power of shame is broken and we can dare to become vulnerable, naked and unashamed. This intimacy opens our hearts for love to pour in, like liquid gold. We become enriched!

We can all do this! We can learn to listen attentively, repeating back what we've heard, and asking gentle questions. We can share our own stories vulnerably, daring to get naked and yet unashamed. We can email, call, or simply say "Hello, I'm thinking about you."

I want to help you to see how writing your story in such a way as to face reality, change your perception by reframing the past, can help you to write a new future. We are creating new family legacies, one story at a time. 

Create your own jail break. Sociopathic / narcissistic abuse is a living nightmare. We can't make all the pain and suffering disappear over night, but we CAN create beauty out of chaos and allow God to turn all of the hellish torment into something Good! God will cause you to prosper as result of the abuse. There are two mercies for every woe! Nothing is impossible with God! That's my story and I know it to be True. And if it's True for me, it's True for you, too!

For more Info – Standing up to Sociopaths – A Collection of Essays

My Full Story     What I Believe    Contact Me

With all my love,

Sue

Susan Schiller knows how it feels to lose everything: marriage and family, church and reputation, finances and businesses, and more. Susan's upcoming, interactive memoir, "On the Way Home," tells the story of how she came to be known as "the most abused woman" her counselors had yet met and how she learned to navigate to freedom and fullness.  
 
Today Susan helps people write their life stories, unearthing the treasures of their past and sowing them into their future, creating new family legacies.
 

Copyright © 2014 Team Family Online, All rights reserved.   For reprint permission or for any private or commercial use, in any form of media, please contact Susan Schiller

{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

Tiffany October 28, 2016 at 10:33 am

I lived with a narcissist for 17 years. I moved in with him at 15 and the alienation started almost immediately because he needed me to show him I was different then his last girlfriend who left him for her friends. I was not allowed to have friends, my family didn't like him so I was not allowed to contact my family. 17 years of this, by the end of it I was not even allowed to have contact with his family. He has lied about me to everyone we know. His family believes I am the abuser because he threatened to kill me, I pushed him off of me and he had me arrested for harassment. The mandatory arrest law saw him as the victim even though he has had prior abuse and been arrested for it. He has convinced my 12 year old son I am abusive because I would not let him play M rated video games and grounded him for getting into trouble at school. He walked away with everything and I have nothing. I want to tell people the hell I went through and I want to say he is lying but I am scared. I have been traumatized to the point fear is all I live in. No matter what is going on my reaction to it is fear. I have thought of suicide to end the pain since I no longer even have my child or a real place to live but what has kept me from it is I don't want the world to see me as doing it out of guilt. He moved a 22 year old girl in right after he had me removed from our home and I worry about her. I have thought of contacting her several times but I know she thinks she is different and I am just the crazy wife. We are still married and I don't know how to get divorced. I don't know how to do much, he is all I have ever known and he took care of everything. My world has fallen apart and I don't know what steps to even take at this point.

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Eloise April 21, 2016 at 5:12 pm

Reading all of this has been so helpful to me , I am so scared to break free and to be alone . No one I know will ever believe my story . 

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Susan Schiller April 21, 2016 at 8:12 pm

That’s the toughest part, but learning to love yourself comes out of it, and to trust yourself, to be your own best friend… because it hurts like crazy not to be believed, to be misunderstood, alone, and rejected! I’m so sorry you are facing this, Eloise!

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Christina January 25, 2015 at 3:05 pm

Dear Susan, 

  This is exactly what happened to me. I wrote you before on another blog and you suggested I remove myself. I had gone to my pastor with my mother. The situation is complex. Our home church had to purchase the land our church and home was on. My stepfather was our pastor. Over the years he used all the money my mother and made working at jobs on an ever increasing drug habit. He even stole money from the offering plate according to some peoples eyewitness accounts. The church and our home were about to be foreclosed and auctioned. He went to our board of elders and portioned them to buy the land and finance it to us. They did. A year later we were never able to make any payments because of all the money he stole. He was finally removed from office. However they kept the place and continued paying all payments because of my mother who was severely disabled by this time. I had only been married for a year. I was 32 years old and I had to literally fight this man for my wedding. Manipulative, physically abusive, kept me a slave, literally. I never developed any relationship. I was able to secretly date one guy for two months before he found out, called me a whore, and threatened to kill the man. Only his extreme drug abuse weakened him enough for me to get away. Still after he came to my house and job always for money. Because of fear or public embarrassment I gave it to him. Finally my husband and I moved and we started going back to my home church. Things were ok for awhile but he was still hanging on to any contact. My mother finally decided to leave him a few months later and he went insane. Begging and pleading calling me hysterical I tried to help him as much as could but I am pregnant with my second child. I'm limited and emotionally drained by him wanting me to pet him and make him feel better. He implied several times suicide threats. Finally I cut him off completely at the advice of my pastor. My husband and I are naturally having marital trouble on account of the drama and I have yet to receive any counseling because I have learned to never speak of such things. Then a few weeks ago our beloved elder of many years dies and at his viewing my father walks up and aggressively demands me to hug him. In Front of everyone so I couldn't make a scene. I had no idea how terribly this would warp me. I was standing right next to my husband!!  Evidently he had gone to some of the leaders in our church and had some dramatic "breaking" and confession. They bought it big time. They even let him preach New Years service. A week later my mother and I discussed buying the property the church is still paying for. We even offer to put the creep into another housing situation. This pastor flips out and starts yelling at us about how we have got to get over this and we are unforgiving and we are poisoning our minds constantly bringing it up. He doesn't want to hear about it ever again. And if the church has to pay for him to live there rest of his life until the house falls down around him, so be it. So now he he lives in the house that we paid for rent free, someone drives him to his various errands because he can't legally drive the car he conned(stole) from someone because of expired license, tag, and insurance and he is getting spiritual counseling. My mother is a train wreck. I am trying to ok but I have terrible things in my head I can't get out. My poor husband has no clue how to help me and watches me suffer until he tries to offer advice and I explode on him. This is not how I want to live. My husband does not deserve this and I have two baby girls now. Counseling is super limited in my area. I'm really fishing in the dark here. 

 

By the way, my mother posted your article on Facebook and you would not believe the women that have come out of the woodwork. Their husbands still are part of our fellowship but many have divorced them saying the same thing happened to them. The strange thing is most of these women have been accused of adultery and other things  now they say it was never true. I'm so floored. 

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Susan Schiller January 25, 2015 at 4:55 pm

Oh Christina, while I am not shocked, I am absolutely horrified by your church leaders responses!

It’s totally devastating what that type of cover-up does to the family, especially the children and it cycles through the generations. This is your father’s legacy! But you can change it. You can create a new family legacy. It can stop with you. Your children are young and they have a chance.

Your mother, as you describe, is a train wreck – disabled – oh yes, that’s exactly what happens! Because we women are standers, believers, and we HOPE above all else that our love will be enough to make a difference. 

You can never help a man like your father. He needs to get professional help outside of his family. You and your mom need help, too…. 

Christina, other than three counselors, at the time I separated from my first husband and marriage counseling from Kimberly and Joshua Dimick, I’ve never had any counseling. I could not afford it. In fact, I was homeless for a few years, having been abandoned in the middle of a desert over a thousand miles from home. God turned it all around for good, but it was pretty difficult for  along time. It still is, in some ways, because I’m trying to help my adult children as much as I can, as my grandchildren. I was like your mom, involved for too many decades!

There is hope, my friend. There is healing. 

You might begin to find out some things about yourself, about your faith, about church, about the Bible, and about God that you never expected. Divine surprises. You’re on a good path, even though it’s bloody right now as you step up the sharp rock on this steep incline. You’re following Jesus and it’s going to be okay.

Just be prepared to set aside whatever He points out to you. Let the baggage go. Release the fears. Receive your inheritance as God’s royal daughter, His beloved child!

As for your church leaders and how they mistreated you and actually sided with evil, please listen to this pastor: http://heartscribes.org/dealing-with-abusive-men-in-the-church/

The greatest evil lurks behind the masks of ordinary Christian pastors and leaders (http://heartscribes.org/the-greatest-evil-today-lurks-behind-the-mask-of-christian-pastors/). No doubt about it, as your story testifies!

In the midst of this dark chaos is your opportunity, Christina… to create a new family legacy and much more. (http://heartscribes.org/in-the-midst-of-chaos-is-opportunity-sun-tzu/)

I encourage you to tell your story. (http://heartscribes.org/tell-your-story-heal-your-world/) It’s what has healed me more than anything else. 

You can write in little pieces right here, as you are… or via email… or posting, as I do. You need to tell your story in the context of community, who listen empathetically. You’ve told your story to people who minimized your pain and re-traumatized you with their non-acceptance, and in fact, blaming you! You need to tell your story to people who are educated about pathological relationships. It’s nice to have a good professional counselor, but in reality most of us cannot afford professional care. That was me and so many others!

Don’t be afraid to rely 100% on Christ. Church too often teaches us we must be “under a covering” or that we need church leaders to advise us, but Jesus in Matthew 6 taught us a different way – a direct route to our Papa God is what he modeled for us. And in John 14 He was thrilled to tell His disciples that He was sending to them the Holy Spirit to be their counselor, guide, teacher, and intimate partner.

It’s a walk in the wilderness (http://heartscribes.org/the-voice-said-dance-with-me/) and a walk in the dark (http://heartscribes.org/whisper-doxology-darkness/)…. and it’s going to be the BEST time of your life!!!

Nothing is ever wasted in God’s Kingdom. (http://heartscribes.org/wasted-life-best-life/). There are two mercies for every woe.

And don’t be afraid to get angry, really angry. And don’t feel you need to forgive your father right now. Not until you have released the poison of the trauma and wounding! http://heartscribes.org/shalom-to-my-brother/ There is a time to forgive – and for certain you will want to forgive your father. But let’s take this in proper order! Let’s use biblical due process! (http://heartscribes.org/due-process-repeated-hurtful-events-relationships/

Thanks for sharing your story and your heart, Christina. Right now you’re bloody, scarred, and horrified by the continuous assaults. You were not properly protected. 

You’re not alone. You never were and you never will be. (http://heartscribes.org/you-are-never-alone/)

You are welcome to continue sharing your story, your feelings, your journey, Christina. Please do – you need to get it out. I’m not a professional counselor… but I do know that everyone needs to talk in a safe place where they seen, heard, and understood!

xxxoooxxx

Susan

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VP October 16, 2014 at 8:06 pm

I am coming out of a marriage with a sociopath.  I was not truly aware of the extent of damage he did to me until months after we separated. Eighteen months later I am still in much needed recovery and happy to say I am gaining strength….slowly.  I am 51 years old with three beautiful sons, 22, 20 and 17 all from my first marriage.  I divorced in 2000 and have remained close friends with their father.  Eight years later I meet the man who swept me off my feet and married him 11 months later.  There were signs of bad relationships in his life.  He despised his ex-wife and blamed his bad relationship with his three kids on her because she turned them against him because he had an affair with a co-worker.  He drank excessively and often.  I wanted to wait a few months to get married but he did not want to wait.  I gave in.  I wanted to keep my name and he begged me to take his name…I gave in to appease him again.  He had three older sisters who clearly did not like him.  When his father died and he was named executor and his sisters called and asked him to step down because they did not trust him.  He was a successful business owner and made $150,000 plus yearly.  I saw signs but he had excuses that took the focus off him and I wanted to fix it for him because he was so good to me.  He bought his children's love (two girls 23 and 20 and a son 10) by giving excessive monies and trips….on our wedding night he was disgustingly drunk and I will never forget sitting on the bed looking at him passed out with food hanging out of his mouth while I sipped champagne and ate strawberries watching Jay Leno in my wedding dress.  I asked him for years to make that night up to me and of course he never did.  Within the first year he had his name on my house (which he moved into) and we took out $50,000 in equity to fix up the house and open a new business.  I lost my job because I became so focused on his world that I lost track of my own.  I was not comfortable with putting his name on my house (which I owned for 17 years) but I told myself I needed to trust him and let down my walls.  Quickly things started to change.  He was obsessed with sex and would get very upset if I said no to him.  He would antagonize and push till I just gave in.  He would tell me how much I was going to enjoy it if I just gave in.  He was obsessed with pornography.  he would watch it in his office, on the radio and at night in bed.  He became verbally abusive telling me I was stupid, a fucking idiot….then he would tell me how much he loves me.  He would be the perfect gentleman out in public most of the time.  We would enjoy nfl football games together until I stopped going because of his drinking and vulgarities.  On several occasions I asked him to leave the bedroom so I could get a good nights sleep and he would tell me to "get the fuck out he was not leaving his bed".  I would leave and sleep elsewhere.  He didn't care.  If I pushed the issue he would physically grab me, throw me out into the hall and lock me out of the bedroom.  We began counseling because I was at the end of my rope.  We fought everyday and he could turn it off and on.  He would buy me beautiful gifts, flowers, he paid all the bills and I was miserable and he tried desperately to hack away at my self esteem and self respect.  His daughter who at the time was 21 told me I was a nobody and that is all I would ever be.  She was hateful and never accepted our marriage.  My husband had a sick attachment to her; he could not stand up to her.  They supported each other's hateful behavior. Once she wanted more money and he said no.  She called him a flicking asshole.  An hour later he is telling her how much he loves her and misses her.  No discipline no consequences He would never hold his kids accountable and would act viciously toward my sons.  We began fighting and for a brief time he took me down to his level of miserable.  I told him we had to seek counseling and he said only I needed a shrink.  Eventually he agreed to go and we went on a weekly basis for 9 months.  Things only got worse and quickly.  I believe he never thought I would end it because he had me financially hostage.  I began working for our business, his name was on my house. . We went to visit friends in Aruba and I begged him not to go.  He insisted he would go.  While there he pinned me down on the bed and spit in my face.  I had no reaction except to go numb.  We left on the plane early the next morning and I could not even look at him.  I stared straight forward and did not speak.  When we came home I once again asked him to leave and move out.  He told me to get out.  I had sex with him two times after that with my back to him.  He was egotistical enough to think it was my favorite position but really I put myself in that position so I did not have to see him or kiss him.  Two days after that Aruba trip I moved out of my bedroom and into one of my sons bedrooms.  He told me to turn off the tv and I said the movie was over in 10 minutes.  He said turn it off now.  He then grabbed for the remote and when he yanked it the cover cut my hand.  My son heard me yell and came running.  Two of my sons shared a bedroom so I could have my own.  I never returned to my own bedroom again until the night he was arrested.  Three months later he tried to take my wedding rings off after accusing me of a affair.  He bruised my arms and kept yelling at me to call the police.  Well this time I did.  I went in the basement and called.  When they arrived they arrested him after seeing my arms.  It was an all time low point in my life.  My future, my job, my house…..was all flashing in front of me.  The officer asked me if I was going to follow through by getting a protective order.  I asked him what I needed to do and he said go to the commissioners office now and file.  It was 11:00 at night and I left right after they did.  It was hard to view myself as a victim of domestic violence; not me because I am a strong independent woman.  I did not hesitate to get the PO because I could not bear the thought of him coming back into my house.  He was allowed to come back about 2:00am to collect a few personal items (car keys, toiletries…).  When he was escorted in he ran directly into our office and carried out the computer.  The next morning my son was having surgery.  While I was at the hospital he drained our bank accounts, stopped payments on any bills he had paid…the next day in court I showed up alone and he had his lawyer who informed me he filed for divorce.  I was shocked but stayed strong; I really had no choice.  Three years of marital hell.  Yes we had fun times as well but the hell was unbearable, unacceptable and I was miserable in my own home that I worked so hard for. It has now been 18 months since he was arrested.  That night was a blessing in disguise.   I got a one year PO which he violated consistently begging me to take him back. He constantly professed his love for me and expressed his willingness to forgive me.  I did say "forgive me".  He was arrested for violations of the PO, contempt of court.  He just doesn't get  the concept of consequences; he doesn't understand why he has to obey the court.  I was miserable and the divorce process was costly and draining but all I could think through the entire process was this "no matter how bad this feels, it is better than living with him".  I lost my job, health benefits, had to sell my car, sell my jewelry…I cried, I mourned and I lost the majority of people I thought were friends.  I remember getting back into my bed and it took me several months to feel like it was "ok" again.  My bedroom became I place I dreaded and it took months for me to get past that.  I learned every day the extent of the damage that man did to me.  Eighteen months later I am learning and recovering.  Still hills to climb and challenges ahead.  He texts me, calls me and emails me begging for a chance.  Tells me we need to make our marriage work and it will be a great lesson for our children.  That we made a lifetime commitment…it goes on and on.  He swears he only filed for divorce because his attorney told him it was the only way he would stay out of Jail and they could move the case to Circuit Court where they would be easier on him.  On several occasions I have answered his calls.  Staying strong has been a personal and daily battle; it takes great effort not to believe their lies. I still find myself wanting to make him understand what he to me and my once happy home.  I work everyday at growing stronger and to stay away from his emotional traps.  I no longer take his calls, emails….at first I wanted to learn about what was wring with him.  Now, I am focused on myself and figuring out why I chose this man and how I can avoid to never ignore the signs.  My heart goes out to men and women who have been In A relationship with a sociopath.  They are smart, evil and very convincing.   There is a profound brutality in what they do to you.  What can you do after….We grow, we love, we hurt and we make better choices going forward as we recover.

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Susan Schiller October 16, 2014 at 11:06 pm

Oh my dear, you’ve been through hell. After reading through the devastation, I come to the end of your story and read, “They are smart, evil and very convincing.   There is a profound brutality in what they do to you.  What can you do after….We grow, we love, we hurt and we make better choices going forward as we recover.” 

Those last two sentences say so very much…. you are describing someone inhuman, more like a demon than a human: smart, evil, very convincing. Only someone who has been there can truly know what you are saying… because the “good” they present is so outstandingly good. 

It shows so much about your heart, as well… that even though it was your second marriage, you still opened your heart, you trusted him, you shared all of your assets freely, even to the very end. This picture of him walking out the door with your computer… or throwing you out of your own bedroom. It’s like evil walked in the door and decided he could own you and everything belonging to you!

The damage we discover in the aftermath is a progressive thing… we don’t realize just how much our whole being: body, soul, and spirit has been affected until long afterward. That’s because we’re intially numb. Shock and trauma take months to unravel.

My heart just goes out to you, my dear… 

It’s late at night right now and I wanted to read and respond before going to bed, but I will be back tomorrow. Thank you so much for sharing your story, your heart, and just know that you’re not alone. I send love and light to you….

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Tracy May 4, 2014 at 11:14 am

Hi Susan,

Thankyou for your great work in helping all of us overcome the confusing reality of sociopathic abuse. I want to leave a message and let everyone know that I did get justice in court. Thanks to a great attorney, friends, loans, garage sells, and the Grace of God, I made it. I have my home, my car, primary custodial status in a JMC. Every day I thank the Lord for intervening in my behalf. It was the hardest battle in my life to rise up and take the advesarial court room, however, I went day by day and when I could no longer help myself, I reached out to a loving community and made it.

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Susan Schiller May 4, 2014 at 12:11 pm

What fantastic news, Tracy! A loving community and justice in the court system – you are richly blessed! It’s really good to hear stories of when things go the way they should go! I’m so happy you shared, Tracy! 🙂

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Joyce Lagana April 4, 2014 at 12:29 pm

ME TOO!!  Sue, you are so brave to stand up for yourself and for others.  It is a long walk back but thank God HE makes it possible.  PTSD is the hell most of us live with and it can be debilitating.  In my case, the blackouts were the most frightening aspect because while I was in the blackout I was still functioning, doing things that were completely antithetical to my true personality.  Then, when I came out of the blackout, I didn't know what I had done, but it would surface days or even weeks later, when a check would clear that I had no idea what it was for, or someone would begin conversations referencing activities that had happened or things I had said during a blackout.  It was terrifying and cost me my career.  I was not functioning normally and yet the neurologists and psychologists assured me there was nothing wrong — I just needed more sleep.  MORE SLEEP!  How do any of us sleep in a house where a sociopath reigns? 

I thank God for you and your site, Sue.  You gave me hope and put me on the right track back to finding me. I know that the Lord led me to you and someday I will get a chance to say thank you face to face. Bless you!

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Susan Schiller April 4, 2014 at 1:29 pm

I look forward to that day when we meet face to face, Joyce – your story gives me tears – of joy. I’m so happy to hear what God is doing in your life and the absolute JOY and peace you are walking in today!!! Yes, we will have a really good time – hopefully soon – when we meet!

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Pat Moon January 31, 2014 at 5:49 pm

Dare to be brave because God is the author of my imagination. In my imagination, I do not see myself as being sad yet there is a sadness about each of us as we face the challenges of life. My mind and heart right now are focused on my mother. She is 93 years old now and it has been 2 years since she was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. She has amazed everyone around her including the doctors except God.. He knew from the start where she would be 2 years later. She is now bravely facing more aggressive chemo treatments.. it is her choice as the cancer is continuing to hold her body captive. Please pray with me that I will be used by God to support and encourage her at this time. I need the Holy Spirit's guidance when I communicate with her from afar. I'm not able to physically be by her side right now so need the words of encouragement as needed. Am I rambling? Yes, but you understand. Please pray with me, for me and for my beautiful mother.
 

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Susan Schiller January 31, 2014 at 6:10 pm

Oh dear Pat,

How it must hurt to be so far away! I can’t begin to imagine! A couple years ago my mother was in a coma, on light support, and even though she had led a long, good life, none of us were ready to see her go. She later told me that she was fighting to stay, to live, because of us.

Your mother, defying the doctor’s prognosis… what a brave, strong woman she is! What a beautiful story, a well, of the love between your two and your whole family. Pat, I agree in prayer with you right now for God’s presence to change the atmosphere around you. Instead of sadness, I ask God to release a new measure of joy in your heart. I ask for supernatural favor and grace for both you and your mother.

I hate the thought of chemo, but your mother has chosen to take this treatment, so she must feel it will do her good. And I bless her faith in that. Father, please go above and beyond what the doctors are doing and empower all of these treatments, infusing them with your grace.

And when it’s time for this dear woman to go home, please make it joyful, peaceful, and restful for her. Not a moment too soon, and not a moment too late.

I ask for your River of Love to flow over Pat, refreshing her inside and out. Lift her burden, dear Lord. Holy Spirit, comfort her and give her assurance… in some tangible and yet spiritual way. Help her to see beyond this moment, this sickeness, and to see through Your eyes.

Take her sadness, take her grief…

Pat, I offer to hold your hand today… sometimes  words cannot possibly be enough. I often don’t even know how to pray.

So I give to you my love, Pat, and sit with you in this place of sadness and helplessness and hold your hand.

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Susan Schiller January 31, 2014 at 1:08 pm

A quote shared by a friend today about employing our imagination

"Imagination is the voice of daring. If there is anything Godlike about God, it is that. He dared to imagine everything." – Henry Miller

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