Courage, Kindness, and Love Have a Human Face

Courage, Kindness, and Love Have a Human Face

By: Susan Deborah Schiller – The Daily Practice

It's Valentine's Day in America, but in some places it's called "Dia de Amor y Carino" (Friendship Day)! Today I have many close friends, but there was a time when I felt isolated and alone, tormented by betrayal and rejection.

I remember what it felt like to be on the outside, looking in. In reality, it was just the opposite – I had constructed a fortress around my heart and secluded my true self, apart from others, behind those strong walls.

A main cause of depression is living a marginal life – trying to escape or avoid the pain of Abandonment, Betrayal, and Rejection. A spectator, not a player.

I can relate to Chyna, one of Dean Koontz' most loveable characters: "… She wished she had reached out to people more, instead of retreating inward, wished that she had not made her heart into a sheltering closet… She realized that there was less hope of survival alone than with others. She'd been acutely aware that terror, betrayal, and cruelty had a human face, but she had not sufficiently appreciated that courage, kindness, and love had a human face as well… Hope was to be found in other people, by reaching out, by taking risks, by opening her fortress heart." — Dean Koontz, Intensity

Many of us have learned to live behind the mask of false identities. It kept us alive during times of extreme trauma and pain, but how in the world do you find your true self and regain your identity? It begins with understanding what happened and why you got lost.

In my work with extreme narcissist patients I have found that their emotional age and maturity corresponds to the age they experienced their major trauma. This trauma was devastating to the point it almost killed that person emotionally. The pain never was totally gone and the bleeding was continuous. In order to survive, this child had to construct a protective barrier that insulates him/her from the external world of people. He generalized that all people are harmful and cannot be trusted.

The protective insulation barrier he constructed is called a false persona. He created a false identity. This identity is not the true person inside. The many types of false personas or identities that an extreme narcissist creates can vary.

Some narcissists may have the ability to change into a variety of identities according to the situation. The wounded child inside may choose to present a front as a “bad ass” and tough individual. He may look, by appearance, intimidating and scary to the average person. He could also play the “nice guy/person” whom everyone likes. A corporate type version can be one that is diplomatic, proper, and appearing to care but in reality does not. Another very likeable extreme narcissist can be the one that chooses the comedian role. He is the life of the party and has everyone in stitches, making them laugh constantly. Everyone wants to include this person because they are a lot of fun. — PyschCentral

The Cure for being stuck behind the mask, alone in the midst of a crowd, is RECKLESS CARING.

Chyna, continues her self-talk: "There are no explanations for human evil. Only excuses... 'There's hope, baby. There's always hope. There's a way, and no one can ever find it alone, but we can find it together. We can find it together. You just have to believe.' …

"How scared Chyna had been that night, risking so much for a girl she had never seen. Scared less of Vess than of this new thing that she had found in herself. This reckless caring. And now she knows it is nothing that should have fightened her. It is the purpose for which we exist. This reckless caring." –– Dean Koontz, in Intensity

For Chyna, reckless caring meant putting herself in the direct path of a psychopath who had imprisoned a teenage girl. In risking her life to save another, Chyna, who had been savagely abused all her growing up years, found peace in opening her heart to save a victim more helpless than herself.

Courage, kindness, and love have a human face. With that in mind, I wonder how much love is really happening today.

In Cambodia, a survey was taken that produced astonishing results. Just under 50% of the Cambodian men surveyed declared that if their dates did not consent to sex, they would force sex upon the women. Somehow, Valentine's Day has been twisted into a commercial production with materialism and sex the agenda of the day.

I can't stop the psychopaths or the people who are living in a fear-based reality where they simply want to feed their own base desires. But I can choose to take time out of my day to listen to broken women spill their guts. I can pray for them. I can lift them up with words of love and acceptance.

When we do this, we are taking their pain, helping to ease their burden. I know that, because I feel the heaviness afterward, and it causes me to fight the oppression and to pray until we both feel better.

It hurts to love people. There is always pain involved when we "recklessly care".

But the alternative, I have experienced, is the numbness of isolation, living behind walls, and there is no happiness there.

Return to your fortress, you prisoners of hope; even now I announce that I will restore twice as much to you. – Zechariah 9:12

Let's be His hands and voice today, putting our own flesh into the battle, and recklessly care enough to rescue and restore the prisoners who have been forgotten. Maybe the first prisoner is you. If so, choose YOU to love today!

Living the adventure and choosing love today,

Sue

PS  Reckless caring is the reason we exist, Dean Koontz proposes. Do you agree? Disagree?

Susan Schiller knows how it feels to lose everything: marriage and family, church and reputation, finances and businesses, and more. Susan's upcoming, interactive memoir, "On the Way Home," tells the story of how she came to be known as "the most abused woman" her counselors had yet met and how she learned to navigate her way out of hell to a rich and satisfying life. In her lifetime, Susan has served in duties ranging from home school mom – to pastor –  to full-time deliverance minister – and to Midwest regional prayer coordinator for a large international ministry. These days you can usually find Susan soaking in her favorite hot springs pool, reading a book (or several), blogging, baking bread, or hanging out with her family and friends. You can get a free copy of Susan's upcoming book, "On the Way Home" by registering here.

Copyright 2010-2014, Susan Schiller, http://TeamFamilyOnline.com. For reprint permission for any private or    commercial use, in any form of media, please contact Susan Schiller.

Tagged as: Choosing Love Today, Deborah White Dove, Getting Your Life Back