What's Up with My Book?
By: Susan Deborah Schiller
I would like to give you an update on my project, including the book, "On the Way Home".
History of the Author
My name is Susan Schiller and I am currently happily married and have made my home in Ashland, Montana, though I am a native of Tecumseh, Michigan. In my 5th decade of life, I'm still a child at heart, who loves adventure and seeks beauty and truth.
My favorite time is spent outdoors, exploring the woods, rivers, and lakes. All of life is sacred and the "monk" in me loves the peaceful places of solitude and rich moments of silence.
My Big Dream
I have a dream of helping to create a world where everyone, no matter rich or poor, ugly or pretty, fat or thin, black or white or brown or red, is comfortable in their own skin. I dare to believe we can create world peace, and that ordinary men, women, and children will lead the way.
Long story short, I was the "good girl" who was taught good manners… to always speak nicely of people or say nothing at all. I lived a quiet life, and you could almost say I was a ghost, drifting through school corridors, always obeying the rules. My naivetee paved the way to innocence lost.
My Mis-Qualifications
After college graduation I married, and for the next 30-years I lived with a sociopath. For many people that means nothing but a raised eyebrow, but for survivors of sociopathic abuse, across the board, it means losing everything – it becomes a living death.
I love being around children and my degree is in Early Childhood Development and Daycare Management. I fell in love with my own three children and became a homeschooling mom.
My life's dream is to write children's books, to just live a quiet, peaceful life. I'm working toward that goal, but first I needed to find my way Home.
Getting Lost and Finding My Way Home
For 30 years, writing was my daily habit. I never meant to publish any of it; it was for my eyes only. Then one day I heard God plainly say, "Document your history." I thought to myself, "I already am."
I forgot about it for awhile, and then I attended a conference where a prophetic team from out of state prophesied over me for 15 minutes. They said, "You are going to write a book that will release the child in you, and when your readers read this book, their own inner child will be released, too. Creativity is going to arise and you will write books of adventure, especially for children."
Since that day, 7 years ago, other people have come to me – friends and strangers – and said, "You need to write a book!" I reply, "I've been writing my story online." "No, we want a book we can hold in our hands!"
So I'm making a jump – a leap of faith – to write about the adventure of finding Home, even in the midst of spiritual and domestic terrorism.
This project, "On the Way Home," is a culmination of dozens of voices telling me: "This is what you must do."
For many years I searched for answers. I became an intern at Vision Life Ministries, learning advanced techniques of inner healing and deliverance. I graduated from basic and advanced Theophostic training. I bought the books, I purchased conference tickets, and I traveled from state to state to learn everything I could.
This is what nearly all survivors will tell you: "There is NO HELP for survivors in our churches. Doctors and therapists don't understand what is happening."
These days, I have doctors writing to me, as a result of reading articles on my website, here at Team Family Online, who thank me for helping them. Yes, the survivors, themselves, are the ones who are helping to educate the medical field about pathological relationships!
I've shared my story with spiritual professionals, and I've sought help, of course. But each and every time, their lack of knowledge and reliance on their own misunderstandings created abuse on top of abuse. As a result, I wrote a "Healing Manifesto" to help you, if you do hear of a survivor asking for help and you don't know what to say or do.
In fact, I've created a library of resources here, to help survivors, because education is one of the first steps to walking in liberty.
It's not just about my story…
I am inspired to share 101 stories of survivors who have learned to overcome. Because there is no return to normalcy after living with a sociopath. Healing and freedom, yes… but you never return to the old normal.
We must change our story, chart a new path, and create a new life for ourselves.
The monumental task of producing a novel seemed easy at first, since I've done so much writing and have pretty much shared my whole story online… but wow! It's no easy task!
It has been a long, arduous journey, going through all my journals. Reliving the emotions, all the misery and anger.
I have set aside this project so many times, simply overwhelmed. I have joined an amazing group of writers, and my story coach told me that my story line is "genius" even though I've never seen it done this way.
I have changed my vision at least a dozen times, and the title has changed almost as many times, as well. It's nice to know that's normal!
This journey has been made easier by the people who keep asking me how it's going, and by my support group that has stood by me all these years.
History of the Book
It all began in Thermopolis, Wyoming after my husband left me for the last time. My plan was to soak in the hot mineral waters and write. Soak and write, rest and recover.
I didn't know I would be so broken. Or that I'd end up living in a hayfield or parked next to the Big Horn River. I never imagined I'd be picked up by a Lakota family and live and learn from them.
I never expected that I would in the high plains desert for 2 years, but in that desert I learned to dance. I learned to laugh on the battlefield.
I learned to rise up, as a warrior to let the victim mentality be crucified.
The adventure was like a river, with many bends and twists. It was a white waters rapids kind of river ride.
But God prepared me for that river ride, back in 1999. I had a series of "River Dreams" in which I learned some of life's greatest lessons:
- Never choose the "safe" route. Always take the rapids and never mind the water falls. It's the trials that test us, and without them you can't graduate. You just have to go back and repeat the course!
- Never choose the "comfortable" life. Pain is a gift. Always stay in the rapids, or the very real danger is you'll just fall back to sleep and live a zombie type of life!
- Never choose the "controlled" life. All is well. Drop the paddles and let the river take you and enjoy the ride!
In one of my journals, right after a spiritual grenade – a volatile verbal tormentor – blasted through my soul, I finished by writing:
Is there a champion who will speak up for the voiceless? Who will empower the weak? Lord, please let it be me one day soon.
Through my life's lessons, I discovered that although God would bring many good people into my life, that I needed to step up and "be the one" – to be the champion of my own heart.
After so many years of putting others first, of giving my all to build other people's dreams, I needed to learn to love myself and to engage in radical self-care.
At the end of 2012, after learning these life lessons, God surprised me with the friendship of a man who has since become my husband. He's very brave to love someone like me as his bride!
Now it's time to finish this project, to publish "On the Way Home".
I need to consult with professionals, doctors, therapists, and story coaches. There will be times when I need to travel, to do interviews, and to write the stories of other survivors. In addition to the expenses of this website, there are publishing costs, as well.
This is the reason my book is still in progress! I have not given up, but I am more committed to finishing than ever before! I believe the delay is making the information I provide more valuable to you!
My Full Story What I Believe Contact Me
With all my love,
Sue
Copyright © 2010 to 2015 Team Family Online, All rights reserved. For reprint permission or for any private or commercial use, in any form of media, please contact Susan Schiller.
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