Adultery, Hypocrisy, and Spiritual Deception
By: Susan Deborah Schiller Image Credit
In the series, "Naked and Unashamed"
R-rated. This is reading is for 18 and up. It also carries a trigger warning.
Oh the many masks of sociopathy! When you first begin to get free of a pathological love relationship your eyes open to the truth, and because so many people around you are still fooled by the masks, you feel a little crazy. It's like Alice in Wonderland, when everything seemed alternatively too big, too little, too inside out.
God causes all things to work together for our good, even living with a sociopath for 30 years. I want to talk about getting our lives back.
Because that is what sociopaths do best – rob you of life, happiness, and health. I believe it's due to demonic oppression. Over time, it changes how their brains operate, and thus, how they behave. It usually begins in early childhood, even in the womb.
"Sue, you haven't done anything wrong. There's just something inside me that wants to hurt you. But don't worry, I've got it under control." – My husband would verbally lash me with a multitude of accusations, and then follow up with these words of apology nearly every time I went to church for classes on personal freedom.
"Sue, I'm sorry but I really want to slice off your breasts with piano wire and throw your body over the side of the rock quarries," apologized my husband, with a lopsided smirk.
"Sue, it's like something crawls inside my body and pushes me way back. I can't control my body. It tries to kill me. It tries to hurt people. I have to fight with all my strength to get control of my body," said my husband as he described what he called "a nervous breakdown" following a time when he fell to the floor, with violent tremors. A moment later, as visitor from church arrived at the door, he straighted and became his 'normal' self. If it weren't for the repetition of this type of episode, I might have thought it was play acting, but it was far more serious than what I've conveyed here.
You can't simply medicate it, counsel it, or coax it away. Sociopathy has spiritual consequences.
It's the spiritual side of sociopathy that I want to explore today, not as a health professional, because I am not an expert of any kind. I'm just a woman who lived with a sociopath for 30 years and cried her heart out to God for answers.
I want to show you the benefits of living with a sociopath.
You get these uncomfortable revelations, which at first might sound like the lies you hear all the time from your sociopath. From my diary:
On October 24, 2010 I awakened with the thought, "I am an adulterer."
On October 25, 2010 I awakened with the thought, "I am a hypocrite."
My abuser keeps accusing me of these two sins over and over, publicly and privately. Using smear campaigns and gaslighting, he attempts to keep me off balance.
The power of family and friends siding with him and shunning me, combines to make me think I am crazy. Documenting it keeps me sane.
He relentlessly projects his own misdeeds onto me. In the middle of the night I am taken for interrogations. I discover you cannot reason with an irrational person; all you can do is shield your heart and mind from the attack. You have to relentlessly face the evil without flinching. The first thing they attempt to steal is your identity.
When a person is demonically oppressed or possessed, as in the case of a sociopath, the demons within can see right through you. They know your every mistake, the source of your deepest shame and fear.
They pounce on your weakness and shred any self-worth. They twist and mutiliate your identity.
To get you to doubt yourself and God, they will kick you when you are down… and not stop. A sociopath is ruthless and never gives up his prey until it stops squirming.
All of this done behind closed doors, while in public he continues to present himself as the doting, loving spouse.
When eventually you react in pain, he seizes the moment, ready to play the martyr – the victim of your imagined character assassination.
I wasn't lying or committing adultery, not in the sense that my ex-husband was later proven to be doing, but the same force was operating in me. In identifying the abuse of my ex-husband, it became apparent that in God's sight, I was also guilty.
God wasn't letting me off the hook. I was absolutely faithful to my husband, every moment of our marriage, in thought and deed, but nevertheless, there's something there.
I want to be free, so I allow God to see me.
I look into His eyes and His gaze penetrates mine. I am an adulterer, in His eyes. Yet I feel no shame or condemnation, but my heart sinks. All that my ex-husband did to me, I have done to my Best Friend and Bridegroom!
In His eyes, I am a hypocrite. I thought I was a Christian. I thought I believed. But I didn't – not when it came time to really believe – to step out onto the water and walk on top of the stormy waves and to still the heaving sea.
I called myself a believer, but in reality, I bowed down to fear. I was like the disciples Jesus rebuked who fumbled with food issues, tripped over their feet in the water walking exercise, and would have starved or drowned without Jesus' intervention. And what was Jesus' response to them? 'Oh ye of little faith!'
Oh, I know God is patient and long suffering with us. But really, I've been a believer for how long???
In my Father's eyes, I was spiritually blind. I called Good evil, and Evil good. All that I taught was applauded by my elders and peers. Hands patted my back. Microphones and cameras were used to record my words. I was invited to speak and put on platforms and stages.
I was not real. I didn't let people see me as I truly am.
People only saw the projected image of Strong Sue, the woman who had it all together. While inside, I was a mess. My marriage was a disaster zone. We were in debt. My husband was addicted to narcotics, sex, and more. I was depressed and full of fears.
Nearly everyone is content to live the masquerade of life. Thankfully my enemies saw behind my mask.
They were flesh-eaters. They saw my nakedness, and they threatened and harassed me. They murdered me with lies. But I didn't receive the shame.
The enemy used my vulnerablity to accuse, condemn, and shame me.
My Father uses my willingness to be seen to surgically remove the scales from my eyes.
We start out being angry at our abusers, and rightfully so. But if we harness the anger, and use that energy as a laser beam directed at the enemy of our souls, it will set us free, because we are facing the truth.
In His Eyes
I once had a dream where Jesus was dressed as an ordinary 21st century man. He was in a store full of people and he healed one old man. He turned around and looked at the crowd and said, "Who wants to go next?" No one lifted a hand. No one volunteered. So I did.
He walked over to me and said, "Are you sure you want to be healed?" I replied, "Yes." He said to me, "Look in my eyes." As I gazed into His face, His eyes drew me in. And it was like he came right inside me, seeing all the muck and mire within.
Nothing was hidden that His love didn't transform.
He didn't despise me. I felt no fear. I knew I was known and from that point on, I lived naked and unashamed. He made me beautiful and childlike, once again.
He said to me, "Go and do the same. Take ALL their pain."
God is cleaning His house, beginning with you and me. Holiness means being comfortable in your own skin, a Lakota man once taught me. Free to be you. No masks. Nothing shame.
I am pure. I am holy. I am clean.
I am true. I am truly seen.
No longer an adulterer, hypocrite, or liar.
A "Christian" sociopath will attempt to name every sin in your life and bind you to shame. He will accuse you of what is in their own hearts. He will hurt you at the core of your being, if you allow him to. The only power he has to succeed is if you come into agreement with his accusations by taking on the shame.
God doesn't shame us. He allows us to see ourselves as we are, and we fall on our knees and weep, for none of us is righteous, no not one!
He comes inside and He touches every part of us. He knows us inside and out. And in the Fire of Love we are made new. He gives us new hearts and a fresh, clean slate. It's like we a born anew.
It's not a prayer for salvation. I lay myself on the altar and offer myself a living sacrifice. All that's not the real me goes up in smoke.
I boast in my weaknesses, for it only increases God's power and brings His glory to earth! We SHINE!
My friend, you may be discouraged, frustrated, and sick of abuse. May I encourage you today to count the blessings of sociopathy in your life? What if the best payback you could receive from the abuse you endured was the very best life you could ever have lived, from this day forward?
Don't hear me wrong. I believe you should expose what the sociopath is doing and that you should get help and escape. It's not healthy to remain in an abusive relationship.
There isn't room here to tell you how to do that, but you will see how God led me out, in "Diary of a Battered Preacher's Wife". The purpose of this article is to help you get your life back, to let you know just one of the many ways God can prepare a banqueting table, in front of your enemies. (Psalm 23) You life is not ruined; it's just beginning.
What if these flesh-eating monsters, these Christian sociopaths, are the means for discovering the pearl of great price and it leads you to your best real life? There are benefits to have lived with a sociopath. You deserve two mercies for every woe!
My Full Story What I Believe Contact Me
With all my love,
Sue
Susan Schiller knows how it feels to lose everything: marriage and family, church and reputation, finances and businesses, and more. Susan's upcoming, interactive memoir, "On the Way Home," tells the story of how she came to be known as "the most abused woman" her counselors had yet met and how she learned to navigate to freedom and fullness.
Today Susan helps people write their life stories, unearthing the treasures of their past and sowing them into their future, creating new family legacies.
Copyright © 2010 to 2015 Team Family Online, All rights reserved. For reprint permission or for any private or commercial use, in any form of media, please contact Susan Schiller.
{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi Susan. How I wish I could sit down and have a cup of tea with you! I have been married to an abusive man for almost 29 years. We adopted a child from neglect and trauma ten years ago and she is now thirteen. I have it coming from him and her. I almost divorced him but talked myself out of it. Just so confused and desperate to get my life on track!
Charmaine, what a beautiful name you have!
I would love to have tea with you, as well. 29 years is a very long time! I get it, what is coming from your adopted daughter, too…. I know that one well.
It is well past time to get your life back, isn’t it….
Yes, a million times over.
It’s a journey well worth the wait of 29 years, or even a million….
I wish I could wave a magic wand, but that would deprive you of much of the journey, for the answers will come to you from deep with you own being….
I am divorcing a sociopath, who projected as a spirtfilled man , could pray, sing ,preach ,tithe,bible,camps , etc. Married 27 years. Ive suffered greatly, so have my children . He has my daughter under his control , her name id Brynn she is 21, he sexually abused her.He is continueing to manupulate and control. She believes i am mentallyill and everything is my fault. I am worn out , and much grace , wisdom , courage, strength to get through this very difficult timeGod Bless you all.
Hi Sue,
From first hand experience I know that it’s true that sociopaths are possessed. My husband is diagnosed with a personality dissorder with narcissistic, antisocial and schizoid traits. My husband is very attractive but sometimes has this evil psychopathic stare and other times a hollow look in his eyes. Many times I was afraid to turn my back against him because I would have visions of him stabbing or strangling me. I know now that the sinister feeling that you sense around them comes from the entity possessing him. One night when he was asleep I heard a male voice coming from the side of our bed as if someone was standing there. The voice was greeting me and had a angry growl in it, I just froze with my eyes wide open. I was afraid to turn on the light but staying in the dark wasn’t an option and when I turned on the light I saw large movements in my husbands body as if something had just entered his body.
Because of my experiences I don’t think that sociopaths/psychopaths are possessed all the time, for I believe the entity enters and leaves the body whenever it pleases. I also noticed that the entity knows it when you are aware of its present and it will show himself more to you. I would see the entity, who was completely black, sliding against the walls in my bedroom and one time it even stood in front of me, making a movement as if it was going to jump inside my body.
One time when I was looking at my husbands face while he was asleep, thinking how I could help him dealing with this, I heard the voice of a young male telepathically say “leave me alone” and I wondered if it was the same one tricking me because it sounded completely different from the first one, or that there were more then just one. I don’t know if they are demons, maybe some are and maybe some are ‘lost souls’ that attach themselves to people out of fear or because they seek revenge.
This is the dark reality we face, some more clearly than others. I thank you for sharing your story with such clarity!
The way you described it fits my experience, in that the possession is part-time. There is telepathic communication, I confirm that, as well.
I love your empathetic responses – I, too, just wanted to help. But the more it revealed itself (you are correct, the more you see the more it will reveal itself), the more the clashes between my former husband and I grew. He chose the darkness because the alternative would have meant discontinuing his public ministry until he got healed. That was not an option for him – and the public would not have believed it, that this dynamic was happening behind closed doors.
Thank you for sharing your story! It will help someone else, I am certain!
I believe that there is not just one demon, but a lot. The main one, controlling the brain, enters before or during birth. Then there are the strong ones which are the sex demons. That is why the Psycopath is out of control secually and he has no shame.I believe the person is being held captive from being in the womb or during birth.
Whose characteristics does a Psycopath have? Think about it: no conscience, no love, shallow emotions, I doubt they even love themselves, constant lies, blinded to thruth. Is this not all from satan? The part of the brain that holds God's character is controlled by the demon and imprinted with satan's character.
Now the question is can they be healed with exorcism? Can the captive, when he is set free, be a normal human again?
I spoke to the Psycopath in my life the other day. He started telling me lies about myself and he attacked me with a lot of confusing theories, which really were all lies. I ibound all demons and asked Father to close their ears. Immediately I spoke to a normal human being for the first time in a very long time.
Is there a chance maybe that they can be saved with exorcism?
Very interesting how you say you spoke to the human inside the psychopath for the first time in a long time.
My personal perspective is vastly changing and therefore I hesitate to make any statement, at this point, but I will soon.
Thank you for sharing this. I married a man who claimed to be a believer like I am. He claimed to love the Lord, constantly read his Bible, and was very interested in spiritual matters. It was not long after we married that I noticed that things were definitely amiss. The Spirit knows the Spirit, and I knew something was wrong because I felt like my Spirit was diametrically opposed to his. Some would call it a gut instinct, but I believe the Holy Spirit was warning me that something was definitely wrong. It was soon that I found out that he was a major alcoholic and a drug user. His behavior became so bad and so alarming until one day, he told me that he felt he was demonically possessed. I was floored, and I just knew I had to get out of there.
That marriage hardly lasted a year. Thank God. God gave me the strength and discernment to get out of there. In that short space of time we were married, I disintegrated so much until I felt like I was losing my mind. I wanted to take my life. Ask yourself what is Satan's job. It is to steal kill, and destroyed. That man, through opening his life to demons, almost succeeded in destroying my life. But I am free now. No man is worth losing your life over. I used to think God's will for me was to stay married and not divorce, but that is not the truth. We were put on this earth by God, FOR God. No one should take his place.
People can call it Sociopath, Narcissist, whatever. I call it Evil. There's pure evil in this world and Satan is behind it.
You’re right, Linda, it’s pure evil. Being face-to-face with evil is destructive; being married to it is murder in slow motion. I’m so glad you listened to God’s Spirit and that He rose up in you. I’m glad you are safe!
Dear Sue, thank you so much for sharing. I too was married to one of these 'creatures' more than 25yrs ago, and still feel traumatised to a degree. I won't go into detail (it's too horrific). I did what research I could at the time (obviously no internet then) but was totally unaware of the Psychopath/Demon link. However, I remember constantly commenting to a friend that "if this was happening hundreds of years ago, he would have been diagnosed as Demon possessed". I also didn't understand the significance of the three long scratches I found down the centre of his back, I actually thought he'd been unfaithful, again.
Dr Robert Hare, the world's expert on Psychopaths actually calls them 'Intraspecies Predators' which is interesting as I believe they are not 100% human.
As a postcript, I did have a very clear vision of him falling down a cliff, Jesus was at the top leaning over and just barely hanging onto him with one arm. The following Sunday at church I received confirmation of this when I was handed a leaflet with the exact same scene pictured on the front. Believe it or believe it not, I swear on my granddaughter's life that this is the truth.
Best Wishes, Gill.
Dear Gill,
Yes, yes, yes….. I understand what you are saying here!
“Intraspecies predators” – yes, I get that…. I will look up Dr. Robert Hare.
And what a merciful God we have! Your vision speaks volumes about the power of Christ!!!!!!
Thank you so much for sharing, Gill!!!
Hi Sue. Thank you for sharing this! I dated a narciissitc Sociopath who abused me for years in the worst ways. I tolerated it for years….the cheating, the constant lies, the psychological and physical abuse. Something stood out to me one day though…my ex at one point said he saw crosses on the doors and he also spoke of seeing a dark shadow in the yard that resembled a horses torso and he would see shadows in his house. The abuse escalated to even sicker levels with him and I too saw shadows in his home, I knew I had to get away. He knew he was a sociopath he did not care and I believe because he lived that way so long he started to attract demonic things to him. I am not a religious person persay but I immediately started sleeping with a bible and a rosary after I left him. I just felt I had really seen true evil.w
Sue, Thank you for sharing this. I was married to a sociopath and it cost me everything I had built. I have been interested in this theory that sociopaths are demon possessed. Frankly, I had never met anyone, nor heard of anyone who could lie and destroy with such facility, raging when confronted with truth. As well, my former husband relayed a childhood experience a few times in which he woke up in the middle of the night to see a demon sitting on his bed, laughing at him. His family all project the image of 'Christians' and yet I could never treat my worst enemy the way they, as flying monkeys, have treated me. I officially divorced from his two months ago and I was astounded at the sense of joy I felt! I had expected relief with a bit of sadness, but I was so overwhelmed with the feeling of elation, I cried happily for about two solid days. I felt an evil had been cut from my life. We have a young son together and I pray for his spiritual health as the father was able to secure full custody. Thank you for your insight. They are words I will reflect on in months to come.
Sophie, I share your relief that you are free…. but also concern that your young son is under his control.
Yes, the picture your former husband shared, of the demon on his bed… that is a familiar picture, one that my ex-husband also shared with me. Lots of demonic… please be careful and spiritually tuned in to God at all times.
I am thankful to you for sharing your story. The revelations you received parallel the words God spoke to me. Especially about how you treat God the way your husband was treating you. It's nice to have confirmation. It still saddens me to see so many people have to deal with this spiritual battle, but I understand now that it is done to completely wake us up in this season.
You’re the first person who has shared a parallel experience and you’re such a blessing to me, Cassandra – thank you!
Yes, we’re getting a wake up call. It was so sobering to me. It’s the best benefit of all….
I remember this dream vividly:
I once had a dream where Jesus was dressed as an ordinary 21st century man. He was in a store full of people and he healed one old man. He turned around and looked at the crowd and said, "Who wants to go next?" No one lifted a hand. No one volunteered. So I did.
I remember being astounded that no one volunteered to be healed! I think of all the healing conferences I have attended, and even led, and the crowds nearly always flooded the altar for prayer.
What was different about this man's prayer?
When he gazed into my eyes, he SAW ME – the real me, with no masks, no coverings. To be fully known is to be fully human, fully alive. It means our inside life is seen just as visibly as our outward clothing and make up.
Not many people have the courage to be seen and to be known.
But that's what makes all the difference.
That's why I write my stories and help other people share their life stories. To be seen, to be known, to be naked and unashamed!